


Open Your Eyes

by freckledkirschtein



Series: The Other Side [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drinking Games, Drinking to Cope, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Half-Jokes A-Plently, Headcanon, House Party, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jean's P.O.V, M/M, Marco's Pug-face Appreciation Fic, Musician!Marco, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips, Self-Harm, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Triggers, Underage Drinking, Violence, artist!jean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 08:31:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 71,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2381780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledkirschtein/pseuds/freckledkirschtein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sometimes life isn't for everyone."</p><p>Jean has suffered from Severe Depression for most of his teenage life, and it isn't getting any better. His parents pretend he doesn't exist, and he is forced into a life that he doesn't want. When he moves into a shared dorm with Connie and a guy he has never met before, he is worried. Eventually, he gets to know the guy better, and falls in love with the freckles dotting his cheeks. Marco teaches Jean that he can live a life of his own, he doesn't have to live up to his parents wacky expectations. But when Jean cracks from the struggle, only Marco can help him.<br/>This is the story of Marco and Jean, two college nerds, who were destined to meet and complete each others lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before the Beginning

“All this feels strange and untrue  
And I won't waste a minute without you  
My bones ache, my skin feels cold  
And I'm getting so tired and so old  
The anger swells in my guts  
And I won't feel these slices and cuts  
I want so much to open your eyes  
'Cos I need you to look into mine”  
-Snow Patrol, Open Your Eyes

 

 

**“Sometimes life isn’t for everyone.”**

 

One action can change your entire life. As it did for me. I chose to take a chance, I chose to accept a new way of life, and this changed me for the better in so many ways. I chose to share a dorm, I chose to study Drama and Art, I chose to walk into a room at the right time.

I chose to be friends with the guy with the freckles.

But, above all, I chose to love him.

Mind you, it wasn’t an easy choice -no. It meant I had to open up to him, show him the real me. He accepted me, but him finding out about my past meant he had to work his way into my future.

I went through my high-school life with no friends. I was unable to talk to anyone. I didn’t trust any of the people at school, besides… they all saw me as the douche-bag I was. But that wasn’t the problem.

If you got bullied at high school, it was always safe to talk to your parents about it. But I couldn’t. The bullies were my parents. Nobody knew much about it, but the guy with the freckles understood everything.

This is the story of me, Jean Kirschtein. Well, it isn’t a story. It is more like a collection of memories, that all slip into one another and lead up to the happy disaster that was my college life.

The one part of college that would always stay with me is the presence of the boy that understood. I wouldn’t be alive right now if it wasn’t for him, literally. He has helped me. He has kept me alive.

He was the one that made me realise that life isn’t about living up to your parents expectations. He was the one that taught me that I can lead my own life, and I can damn well do what I want.

One moment can change your life. That moment, was when the boy with the freckles stepped into my dorm room.


	2. The Real Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's first day at college.

“We’re a thousand miles from comfort, we have travelled land and sea. But as long as you are with me, there’s no place I’d rather be”

-Rather Be, Jess Glynne ft. Clean Bandit

It wasn’t a ceremonious goodbye to be honest. I woke up, as per usual, grabbed my bags and boxes, put them in the back of the car, and then sat down for breakfast. The table was quiet, as it was most mornings. The huge clock on the wall opposite the kitchen stated that it was still 7 in the morning. I knew no one was going to be up for another half an hour at the very least, so I got myself a bowl of Lucky Charms, and ate.

My parents and I were never close, we never saw enough of each other to be. My mother was in France at the moment, doing stuff concerning our family business. I don’t know much about it, and I think it is better it stays that way. My father has a conference in Mitras today, so he's going to be out the door before me.

At 8am I started getting really bored, so I went back up the stairs to my room- which was partially empty now due to packing for college- and decided to turn the radio on and sketch. This is all I did in my free time now.

When I was in high-school I had no free time. I was always at a party, on a date, in some random chicks bed, or at home recovering from a hangover. That was my life, day in- day out. It was awful. So I decided that college was going to be my ‘new leaf’. I would change my life around, stop drinking just to get drunk, stop going home with strangers, stop swearing (okay, it was a bet with Jaeger...), I would be a good person, and sort my life out. I was doing a really good job. I haven’t slept with someone for two months now, I haven’t gotten drunk in a month, and I haven’t swore for a whole week.

Looking back at it, I was kind of pathetic.

But I am an honest man, and I stay true to my beliefs. I am going to stay mostly sober, I am going to stay college-virgin, but most importantly, I will focus on my studies. I am studying English and Maths, because I have to, and I am majoring in the subjects I love most, Drama and Art. I wanted to study Music as well, but my father said that he was already disappointed in me for not studying law, and he was definitely NOT going to let me ‘ _go down that path_ ’. That is one of the many reasons I hate my home-life.

At 9am, I heard the Mercedes starting up in the car-park. My father was leaving, without saying goodbye. I wasn’t surprised, but it was still really sad. I am his son… but I mean nothing to him anyway.

By 11am, I had nothing more to do, so I went up to Aururo’s quarters, and told him that it was time to go. He was out of the door 5 minutes later. We went down to the car, and I hopped in the back while Aururo got into the drivers seat.

Aururo had been my chauffeur ever since I started high-school. My parents never had enough time to drive me to school, so it was his job. I had a car, I just never wanted to use it.

He never spoke to me while we were in the car for two reasons; Reason 1 being that he doesn’t like me, and I don’t really like him either. It’s a mutual agreement, really. He doesn’t bother me, I don’t bother him. That’s how it works in the Kirschtein Estate. Reason 2… he can’t stop biting his tongue if he tries to talk in a moving vehicle. He’s going to die of blood-loss, the idiotic bugger.

It was roughly a 1 hour drive to Trost University. While I was in the car, I was texting back and forth with Connie, my high-school friend and now my college room-mate.

**C-** dude we’re already in the dorm where are u

 **J-** god relax im on my way. whats the other guy like

 **C-** you wouldnt believe me if i told u

Oh god. If this guy is some weird ass punk that hates everyone I will leave this college instantly.

**J-** how r the rooms gonna work

 **C-** i have my own room. ur sharing with the other dude

 **J-** what no way dude not fair we are voting on this

 **C-** unless you wanna share a king-sized with him or me we are staying the way we r

 **J-** whats that supposed to mean

 **C-** two rooms. one has a king sized and the other has two singles

 **J-** why cant i have the king

 **C-** because you are single. i am not

God damnit Connie. Him and Sasha have been together for 4 years now. I can’t deprive them of each other. They are a match made in heaven. Ugh.

**J-** fine whatever. but if this guy is a douche bag im moving to a new dorm

 **C-** haha okay

What is this guy going to be like? What if he is a druggo? I swear to the angels above, if my room stinks of pot on a 24/7 basis I will kill a dude.

\----------

**C-** how far away r u

 **J-** just getting out of the car. c u in a minute

The second we parked I jumped out of the car, and took in my surroundings. The car trip ended up lasting two hours, as there was terrible traffic. Not too surprising. The nearest city was 9 hours south. If you wanted to eat, you took your chance in Trost.

Talking about eating, I was starved. The last thing I ate was those Lucky Charms at breakfast. I decided that I would worry about my stomach once I had my boxes up and in the dorm. Aururo grabbed the trolley out of the back of the car, and started packing my boxes and bags into it. Once burdened with textbooks and mini-fridges, we left the parking lot outside of Trost College, and tried to find Rose Tower.

I had a map splayed out in front of me, but the map wasn’t needed. We walked through the front gates, and it was simple from there on. On our left, there was a HUGE building. The map said it was called the Educational Centre, and that’s where all the auditoriums were. On our right there were basketball courts and tennis courts, and not too far from here, and huge oval. But no pool. I couldn’t believe it! Such a huge school like this, and no pool. I couldn’t hold in my anger.

****

**J-** dude. there is no pool. may god help the person that organised this school, cause i will find them, and i will kill them

 **C-** calm down dude. there is a community pool right next door to the EC.

****

I had to guess EC meant Educational Centre.

****

**J-** there had better be cause i will not survive here if there isnt

****

Eventually we passed the EC, and there were 3 huge towers in front of me. I pointed at the middle one.

“That’s Rose Tower apparently.”

“What room are you in?”

“Uhh…”

****

**J-** what room r we in

 **C-** room one, floor nine

 **J-** cool thx

****

“Room 1, Floor 9.”

****

We made it up there without any problems. The bottom floor was simply a huge area, with an over sized laundry room, a desk with a weird dude called ‘Hannes’ (probably the Tower Receptionist, I realised), a huge sitting area, and finally- god bless- a small coffee shop. When I saw those coffee machines, the coffee cups and the coffee, I couldn’t hold it in. I sighed, loudly. Aururo shot me the what-do-you-think-you-are-doing-Jean-be-more-polite look that he had learned from my father. I just sighed and continued walking to the elevators. Once we were out of the elevator, and on Floor 9, I realised just how big these apartments were.

We were standing in a huge corridor, and on either side of us were walls. We continued walking, and then we had to option to turn left or right. I looked to my left, and saw a door with the number 1 hanging from it.

I turned over to Aururo. “This is level 9?”, I asked. “Yes.” he confirmed. I didn’t want to walk into the wrong dorm room on my first day. That would be awful, and I’m supposed to have a clean record.

I knocked on the door, and it opened straight away.

“JEAN-Y BOY!” Connie shouted, probably getting the attention of anyone who was on this floor.

“Never, ever call me that again, or you will find yourself dead.”

“Whatever dude. Come on in!”

He still had the stupid buzz-cut thing going on, I had no idea how Sasha could be seen in public with him. He looked like some guy who tried to join the army, but wasn’t allowed because he was too short.

My thoughts were interrupted as soon as I realised the lack of my second roommate.

“Where is the other dude?” I asked.

“Oh, he went to get pizza for everyone. As soon as I told him you were on your way he said he was off to get pizza… he said something about wanting to be on your good side.”

Oh my God he is a saint.

“What’s he like?”

“Pretty cool actually,” Connie shrugged, “I’ll let you judge for yourself though. In the mean time we’ll get your stuff in here.”

It was then I remembered the presence behind me.

“OH! Aururo! Thanks for bringing my stuff up. You are excused.” I said. I hate having to say that, but it was something I learnt from my father. I have to excuse our maids and chauffeurs.

“Thank you, Jean. All the best.” he bowed, but I couldn’t help but notice the sour look he got in his face when he said my name.

I turned back around to Connie, who obviously was a little put-off by the whole situation. I was used to this kind of thing though. People were always uncomfortable around me when I addressed people in the way I did. Doesn’t matter though. I was going to have almost a whole year away from my maids and family.

It was exciting.

Once Aururo was out of sight, Connie punched my shoulder and said we should get my stuff out of the way before the other guy was back with pizza. It was then that I got a real view of my home for the next year.

“Holy crap.”

It was humongous. I looked through each room. The dorm was packed; we had a huge bathroom, study, two bedrooms, living room and kitchen. Connie’s room was already packed, but the room I shared with the other dude was empty on one side. I looked at his side of the room, and couldn’t help but notice all of the band posters covering the walls. Snow Patrol, The Fray, Fall Out Boy, The Killers… this guy had amazing taste. I made a mental note to spark up a conversation about these bands over pizza.

I packed my mini fridge under the desk, and noticed he already set-up a microwave. I put my TV beside the desk, and started putting my own posters up for show. They mainly consisted of bands, but also some famous paintings that I loved. The Persistence of Memory, Toledo, Babel Tower… you name it. I wasn’t into that type of art though, I preferred portraits and still-life. I just loved the messages conveyed through these paintings, mainly The Persistence of Memory though.

I put the rest of my belongings in their places. I grabbed my textbooks, and walked to the study to put them in the bookshelves there. Once I had done that, I decided to really take in the study, as I was probably going to spend most of my time in there. I looked around, and noticed a keyboard.

“Hey, Connie! I didn’t know you could play keyboard!”

“Dude, are you mad? I can’t even play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. That belongs to the other guy, I think he’s a music student.”

God, Jean, you idiot. Of course he’s a music student. Why would he have all those posters up in his room?

There was one other thing in the room that caught my attention. There was a huge TV, hooked up to an XBox 360 and Playstation 3. With 3 controllers for each console.

“Connie! Are these your consoles?!”

“Nope, those are his too.”

This dude is STACKED. I couldn’t believe my luck. This guy supposedly had the same interests as me, and he had a Playstation and XBox. I just had to hope he wasn’t a freak, or a huge loser that I wouldn’t want to be seen in public with.

I went out to the lounge-room, which was already equipped with sofas and a HDTV. Connie stated that these belonged to him, therefore he had rightful authority over the TV. Pfft, over my dead body army-boy.

I looked over at the clock. 2:00pm.

I sat down, and started the questionnaire regarding our room-mate.

“What’s he look like?”

“Why is that the first question you ask?”

“I just want to know if I would want to be seen in public with him.”

“Man, that’s not healthy.”

“Come on, just tell me.”

“You can see for yourself.”

“Argh. Fine. Is he nice?”

“Well, if he is getting us pizza I guess he would have to be.” Connie sighed, picking up his phone.

“Wait, what type of pizzas is he getting?”

“I dunno!” Connie threw his phone to the other side of the lounge. He was getting pissed. It wasn’t going to stop me from finding out the answers to my questions though.

“Fine. Also, what’s his name?”

“Uhhh… Mike? Mark? I forget.”

“Wow, rude.”

“Shut up!” Connie said exasperatedly. “How about you just wait until he turns up?”

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door, and a voice said “You in there?” His voice was neither high nor low, monotone almost… it was kind of strange.

“Coming.” Connie said, getting up. I decided to just sit there and wait. I didn’t want to appear too eager.

The door opened, and I could hear heavy footsteps coming down the tiles into the main area. There was a shuffling of cardboard against cardboard, and then a thud.

“I’ll get plates.” Connie said. There was some crashing and then a slight “ow” from Connie.

“Do you need help?” I asked, still not turning around.

“C’mon… get up… dude how did you… doesn’t matter… no we’re fine!” said the other guy.

“Doesn’t sound like it.” I muttered under my breath. I decided to turn around now, the suspense was too much.

Connie was standing up behind the kitchen table, holding two plates. Suddenly the other guy hopped up, but he still wasn’t facing me. He started sifting through the cutlery draw. I took a chance to look him over. He was wearing dark skinny jeans, similar to the ones I was wearing. He was also sporting a red and black plaid shirt, and his hair was black. Then he turned around.

Freckles.

“Oh, hi!”, he said “I’m your other room-mate. Thought I should get some pizza to introduce each other over.”

“O-okay…”

_Freckles._

His hair was average length, and parted in the middle. He also had the same undercut as me. But that didn’t matter.

**Freckles.**

I shook my head, and I was back in the real world. Suddenly he was beside me on the couch, toeing his shoes off and setting the plates and pizza boxes down on the coffee table in front of us. Connie came and sat down on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

“I didn’t know what type of pizza you liked, so I got the classic meat-lovers.”

“Th-thank you…” I didn’t like meat-lovers pizza, but I wasn’t going to say anything.

“Awesome! I love meat-lovers!” Connie shouted, grabbing the meat-lovers box and setting 3 pieces on his plate.

“I don’t like meat-lovers, so I got some margherita as-well, if you would prefer…”

“Oh my God. Yes please.” My whole body gave into my stomach and I snatched up the box and put half a slice of margherita pizza in my mouth.

“Oh! Good!” the guy laughed.

I finished my slice and was about to get another, when I remembered that I still didn’t know his name.

“Sorry…” I started “But what is your name?”

“OH! My name’s Marco!” he said “Nice to meet you…”

“Umm… Jean.” I dragged my name out, trying to put emphasis on the fact that it was pronounced “Jshan”, not _Jeen_ or something stupid like that.

“Nice to meet you Jean!” He said it perfectly. I smiled to myself, proud.

“You too, Marco.” I said trying it out in my mouth. I liked it. This guy is cool.

The conversation continued from there, Connie introducing himself, and then we all talked about how Connie and I were friends from high-school, and a few more of our friends were attending this high-school as well. Marco was from Jinae, which was way up north. He said that no one else was coming to this school but him, and it was then that I said he should hang out with our group.

“Thank you!” he said, smiling.

“It’s nothing.” I grinned. “You seem like a pretty cool guy anyway.” I laughed.

“Still, I have only just met you, and you already take me under your wing!”

When Connie started doing a bird impression, we all collapsed from the laughter. This was going to be an amazing year.

Marco got up. “Just getting some refreshments” he said.

“Oh, we haven’t actually got any food at the moment…” Connie said sheepishly.

“ _WHAT._ WE NEED FOOD. GUYS. _THIS IS IMPORTANT._ ”

I couldn’t believe Marco’s outburst. When he realised he shouted, he instantly covered his mouth and went beet red.

It was 3pm… the shops would still be open.

“Oh my God. Okay, I’ll go to the shops and grab some stuff. Geez Marco… infatuated much?” I laughed.

“Oh… no- I just- we need to… I’ll come.”

I grinned and said that it was fine, that was what I was thinking as well, and that he should grab his stuff.

We were about to walk out the door, when Connie screamed something from the main room.

“Don’t come back until six! Sasha’s arriving at 4 and I haven’t seen her in a fortnight! We have stuff to do!”

“Oh, do we- OH! OH OKAY!” Marco’s face had only just gone back to its natural colour, but here he was again. Tomato Face Returns. It's a sequel.

We walked out the door and to the elevators in complete silence. Once I hit the button for the ground floor, I spoke up.

“Sorry about him. Connie and Sasha have been together for 4 years… they have been everywhere and done everything. I’ll try and make sure they keep it confined…”

“No, it’s fine. If he is close with his girlfriend, then we should let them be. We’ll just have to spend some time away from the dorms…”

“Wait, do you have a girlfriend?”

“No…” Marco’s face was going pink again. Trilogy. This was gonna turn into Harry Potter or something. Marco and the Blushing- what am I doing.

“Oh okay.”

“Do you?”

“Nope.” I sighed.

“Looks like we’ll be spending some time together I guess.”

“Yep! Seems like fun!” I grinned, “Now let’s go get enough food to feed a huge family for year, that will probably only last us a few days!”

Marco grinned one of the cheesiest grins I have ever seen.

“Let’s do this!”

****

\----------

****

Luckily for us there was a Walmart just down the street. We took Marco’s car anyway, we didn’t want to have to walk even a few blocks carrying half a million shopping bags. The second we walked in, Marco’s eyes lit up.

“Okay! We need to get ice-cream, chocolate, jelly, candy…”

“Woah… calm down there. Let’s get the things we actually need to survive first.”

So I headed towards the aisle that had coffee.

“Marco, please tell me you like coffee.”

“Like is a serious understatement.”

“Perfect.”

We scooped up two huge jars full of the stuff, and then headed to the dairy aisle to get milk. We ended up getting more than milk though. Before I knew it, the trolley was half-full. We had coffee, milk, thickened cream, whipped cream, custard, ice-cream, yoghurt, eggs, butter… you name it, we had it.

We hadn’t even reached the candy aisle yet. This was going to cost us a life-time.

When we did reach the candy aisle, Marco turned into a child. It was adorable.

No-homo though. Obviously.

He grabbed a huge packet of Candy Bananas and put them in the trolley. Red Skins, Jaffas, Minties, Sprinkles, Sherbert, boiled sweets… he wanted them all. Then I set my eyes on them.

I grabbed a packet and dumped it on top of all the other lollies.

“What are these?” Marco asked, turning the packet around to read the label. His eyes went huge and his face went slightly pink.

I started laughing, and he just glared at me.

“Freckles? Really?” He covered his cheeks, protectively almost.

“Don’t do that!” I laughed, “They suit you!”

“You think?”

“Yeah!”

“Thanks…” he mumbled, going slightly pink.

We then went to the fruit aisle, much to the disappointment of Marco. Despite the fact he was surrounded by healthy food, he still managed to coax me into getting berries so that we could make smoothies.

We finished up by grabbing some meat, bread and cleaning supplies.

As we made our way up to the checkouts, Marco started to pull out his wallet.

“Woah. No way dude. You’ve already bought us pizza. I’m paying for this lot.”

“That was only $20 though! This is going to cost, like, a _hundred dollars._ ”

“Don’t worry.” I sighed.

“No! I would rather sell up half my body than make you pay for this.” Marco pleaded.

“Nope.”

Marcos sighed, obviously annoyed, but he kept his wallet out.

Not if I beat you to it first you idiot.

The cashier finished up bagging all our items, and they said the overall price was $213.45.

Marco was too busy staring at the price, so I took my chance and gave the cashier my Centurion card.

“WHAT.”

“Told you I had it covered.”

Once we had all the bags in the trolley, we wheeled out to the underground parking lot.

“How did you get hold of a black card?”

“Uhh… how to I explain this… my family owns a company…”

“What’s your last name?”

“Kirschtein”

“Oh my freaking God. You live in that huge estate in uptown Trost don’t you!”

“Uhm. Yes. But please don’t think I’m a spoiled brat or anything… like I don’t even like being rich… my parents hate me… I had no one to talk to when I was in high-school because I was rich… I was just one of those idiot jocks… but I’m trying to be better now… I’m turning a new leaf…” I realised I was ranting. I just needed him to know that I am not a stereotype. I needed a friend. “Please don’t hate me.”

“Why would I hate you? I only just met you! I can’t judge you on how rich you are, or where you live, or your parents. I will judge you on you.”

I was quiet.

“And, just for confirmation, you’re doing pretty well so far.” Marco smiled.

My cheeks flushed up. I couldn’t believe it. Marco accepted me.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“Actually, I do. I made you blush.”

Oh my God Jean stop blushing what is wrong with you.

We packed all of the shopping bags into the back-seat, and then Marco went to the drivers seat and I went shotgun. I looked at the time shown on the GPS; it was 10 minutes past 4.

“We have to go back to the dorm and put the shopping away. I don’t care what Connie said, I don’t want to deal with sour milk and melted ice-cream.” I said.

“Agreed. Let’s go back and hope she hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Okay”

****

\----------

****

“Are you ready?” I looked over at Marco, and he looked terrified.

We had just arrived back at the dorm, and we were weighed down by shopping bags. We weren’t sure if Sasha had arrived yet, but most importantly, there was no noise. We were scared senseless.

“Ready.” he confirmed.

“You don’t look it.” I smirked.

“Can we just get this over and done with please?”

“Okay. 3… 2… 1… **go!** ”

We ran in, carrying all of the shopping bags. We were a mess. Tripping over shopping bags, one another, and our own feet. We finally made it to the kitchen.

“What are you guys doing back so early?”

Connie’s voice sounded weird… almost as if something was stopping his mouth from moving properly…

“OH MY GOD IF YOU ARE DOING ANYTHING WITH SASHA RIGHT NOW WE ARE SO SORRY.”

“What? Dude.” Connie peaked over the couch, and then I noticed the bubblegum. “I sent you a text saying that Sasha was caught in traffic and would be back a bit late. I welcomed you back, but I still didn’t think you would be back before 5.”

Marco breathed a sigh of relief beside me.

“Be right back” he said, grabbing four shopping bags and walking down the hall with it. I was about to ask what he was doing, but I decided against it.

Connie got up and asked us what we had gotten, so I said see for yourself. He helped me empty the bags, and put everything away. He got really excited when he saw the chocolate and ice-cream.

“Where’s the soda man?”

“Ummm… just over-” I was reaching over to grab the shopping bag containing the soda, but realised it had disappeared.

“Oh… I guess we didn’t get any… sorry dude.”

“Tch. Doesn’t matter. I’ll get some when I go shopping next week.”

“Okay.”

“Hey… umm… I’m just gonna go… umm… check my Facebook.”

“Okay. I'll call you when Sasha comes. When she does, you and Marco can get lost okay?”

“Yep”

I practically ran down the hall to my room. I bursted in there, then closed the door behind me. I looked at Marco, who was reaching under his bed with a smug look on his face.

“What did you take?”

“Everything important.” I could hear the smile in his voice. He motioned to the load on his bed. He had stolen all of the soda, chocolate milk, chocolate and ALL of the candy.

“Oh my God Connie is gonna kill you.”

“He won’t find out.” He had found a huge jar under his bed, which he was filling with the boiled sweets, Red Skins and Minties. He then grabbed a plastic container and emptied the Jaffas and Candy Bananas into it.

“I need my stash.” he said, putting the jar under his bed. “You are welcome to it whenever you want.” He continued to put the soda, chocolate milk and chocolate in my mini-fridge. “Thanks for the fridge by the way. Also, this container-” he motioned to the one filled with Jaffas and Candy Bananas, “-is for my car. You are also welcome it.”

I couldn’t believe it. I just started laughing, and I couldn’t remember how long it took me to stop.

“Sorry, I would have stolen the ice-cream as well, but we don’t have a mini-freezer.”

“You are the best room-mate anyone could ever hope for.” I said, happily.

****

\----------

****

“Connie could have been nicer about kicking us out.” I said. We were walking to Starbucks (which was conveniently right outside the university) from the carpark. We had just returned from putting the candy stash into Marco’s car, and we had decided that we needed something to do. So of course we should inhale our days worth of caffeine and sugar in one Starbucks drink.

We went in and ordered two take-away ‘iced caffe mochas’ and sat down to wait for our orders. We started to talk about our interests and hobbies.

“I’m guessing you play piano.” I said.

“How’d you know?”

“I don’t know… it might have had something to do with the big ass keyboard in the study room.”

“Oh… I’m sorry… do you not want it there?”

“What… no dude it’s fine! I’m just saying that you’re gonna have to play me something.”

“O-oh… okay.”

“Do you play any other instruments?”

“Well… I used to play clarinet… but I gave up for the sake of people ears.”

“Come on, it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“You don’t even know.”

“But do you play anything else?”

“I can sing… but that doesn’t really-”

“YOU CAN SING?” I couldn’t believe it. A small part of me wanted him to sing something for me, but then I remembered we were in the middle of Starbucks.

“Well, yeah… but I’m not that good.” he was obviously finding this awkward. "What do you do?"

“I paint, sketch, draw… yeah, you get the gist. But I also act.”

“Are you studying Drama?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too!”

“What class are you in?”

“2:05pm with… Professor Levi.”

“Me too! YES!” I couldn’t hide my excitement. I already knew that Connie would be in my class, but so was Sasha, so they would make me third-wheel my way through the year. Finally, I had a friend!

“This is going to be a great year!”

Once we got our take-away coffees we got up and out of the loud and now crowded Starbucks. My watch told me it was half-past five, so I asked Marco if there was anywhere we could go before 6pm struck. He said there was some nice parks just across the road, so we agreed to go there for half an hour.

****

\----------

****

“ _Woah._ ”

The garden was huge, probably the size of the university oval. There were cherry blossom trees everywhere, their red and orange leaves covering the ground as fall started. There were paths everywhere, huge bushes that had been trimmed back until they represented true perfection, and rose bushes dotted here and there.

It was impossibly beautiful.

“Want to go rest over there?” Marco said, motioning to a little shaded area with seats underneath it.

“Sure.” We walked over slowly, trying to truly take in the scenery. As a huge gust of wind blew, there was a sudden shower of leaves. Marco had them stuck all through his hair. I was about to reach over and take them out for him, but I realised he might think that was weird.

Once we reached the bench, we sat down and continued looking around. It was completely silent between us, but it wasn’t the type of silence that was considered awkward. It was a comfortable silence. I really liked that I could enjoy this type of silence, and not make it awkward for the person sitting beside me.

I looked over at Marco. He was looking up at the sky above us. The low light of the sun setting was leaving a halo in his hair, and his hazel eyes were brighter than normal. I could not believe how close we were already. We had only known each other for 4 hours, but it felt like years already. I felt like we were going to become really good friends.

Suddenly, I realised I was staring so I turned my head forward quickly. In my peripheral vision, I swear I saw him crack a smile.

\----------

I can’t remember how long the silence lasted, but it was rudely interrupted by a buzzing from my phone.

**C-** hey r u guys planning on coming home with dinner or what

 **C-** sashas staying for dinner btw

“Ugh”

“What’s wrong?” Marco looked over at me, slightly worried.

“Connie’s asking us to come home with dinner. And Sasha’s staying for dinner as well.”

“Damn, guess we’d better leave then.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. It was a shame. I was really enjoying the silence, the scenery, and being in Marco’s presence.

“Let’s just get McDonalds.” he said, “They can sue us for being lazy later.”

“Agreed.”

We walked back over the road, and bought a huge packet of nuggets and fries.

When we got back to the dorms, we found Sasha and Connie sitting in front of the tv watching ‘Family Feud’ and eating ice-cream out of the tub with sticks of chocolate.

“Oh my God.” Marco breathed.

“Connie I cannot believe you.”

“It was my idea.” Sasha piped up.

“Oh-oh of course it was.” Trust Sasha to eat everything in the most unhealthy way possible.

We dropped the McDonalds bags down on the coffee table, and Sasha immediately grabbed the fries and put an unearthly amount into her mouth in one go.

“Let’s start eating before Sasha completely inhales it on her own.”

\----------

We spent about 2 hours just sitting down, eating crap and watching stupid shows.

“I’m crashing.” I stated, getting up and stretching. I felt my back and lower neck crack, and Connie gave me a worrying look in return.

I looked over at Marco, who was curled up in a fetal position lying on the floor.

“Marco, are you okay?”

His stomach made the sound of two mating whales in reply, which was followed by a long, low whine.

“I’m gonna have a food baby. Somebody call 911.”

Sasha had left about an hour ago, so we were left to finish the god awful chicken nuggets on our own. I never imagined Marco would be the kind of person who was obsessed with McDonalds chicken nuggets. They looked like diabetes.

“You want to go to bed and sleep it off?” I asked him.

“Yes.”

“Come on, get up. I’m not carrying you.”

“ _Ughhghhhhghhhhggh._ ”

Eventually we made it back to our bedroom, and Marco catapulted himself towards his bed as soon as he reached the door frame. As soon as his body slammed down on the single, there was a massive creak, and I could’ve sworn I heard the bed scream in protest.

Marco looked across at me from his bed. His laughter was contagious, and as I jumped onto my own bed- and the creaks were heard once again- he was laughing so much that he was gasping for breath.

“Dude, if you don’t stop laughing I will actually have to call 911.”

This just sent him off into more peels of laughter. To save myself from laughing again, I grabbed my pajamas and ran into the bathroom. As soon as I was there, I found myself in a silent fit.

\----------

I got back to the bedroom 5 minutes later after brushing my teeth. Marco was curled up in his bedsheets, but sitting on a chair at our desk scrolling through Facebook.

I took my position beside him. I opened up my Macbook to Facebook, and I had one new friend request.

**Marco Bodt**

“Hey dude, is this you or just some crazy stalker?”

“Both.”

“Oh my God.” I accepted the friend request, then immediately went to his profile page. His profile picture was a black labrador, and his entire profile was pictures of random bands, and a few videos or photos of him playing piano, and singing. I made a mental note to watch those later.

I looked over to see what he was doing, and he was making strange faces while looking just above his laptop.

“Are you okay?”

“W-what?” he stumbled. “I’m fine… w-why?”

“You look constipated.”

“Oh… umm…”

“What are you doing?” I got up and leaned over his shoulder, and saw that he had photobooth up and was taking selfies.

“I’m trying to take a new Facebook profile picture.”

“Here… just do this…” I poked his neck lightly, and his head tilted slightly while he grinned. I quickly pressed the spacebar, and posed in the background.

“Oh my God.” The result was him on the left, his head tilted, eyes closed and a huge grin on his face. I was on the right, poking my tongue out and winking. It was an awesome photo to be honest. I could help but smile, and I saw that he was laughing.

I went back to my laptop, and updated my dashboard. Marco had already changed his profile picture to that photo of us. Then I looked at the caption…

“ _'Trost’s Next Top Models'_ ”

I fell of my chair, and started rolling around on the floor choking on my own laughter.

“Come on, time for you to change your profile picture!”

“What? Mine is fine the way it is though!”

“Really?” Marco looked over at me pointedly. What is he talking about? Wait… what is my profile picture right now…

“Oh. My. _Freaking_. Lord.” It was me at a party, with my flat cap backwards, holding a drink that was also partially spilt all over the front of my shirt, and making a gang sign with my other hand. You didn’t even have to be there to tell that I was drunk.

Marco started laughing again, and he started trying to act out my profile picture.

“Okay. Let’s change this.” I got the photo booth up on my laptop, and we started taking selfies. We were in the strangest positions, making the strangest faces, but having the most fun.

We ended up deciding to use a photo where we were in the famous Charlie’s Angels position, and poking our tongues out.

I selected it, and was given the option of a caption. I decided that I had to top his one, but it was going to be hard. Finally, I decided. I posted it, then looked over at Marco to see his reaction.

First, his jaw dropped, second he flushed up a little bit, the red travelling across his neck and up to his cheeks. Lastly, he laughed. A lot. We had done nothing but laugh this evening. It was perfect.

“ _‘Hanging with the bae’_? Are you serious right now?” he said between fits of laughter.

Suddenly we heard a yelling from the living room.

“YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS.”

I didn’t have to ask what he was talking about, because no sooner did the statement leave his mouth, than the notification dinged on my screen.

**Connie Springer likes your profile picture.**

Then the notifications were flooding in from all sides.

**Marco Bodt likes your profile picture.**

**Marco Bodt was tagged in your profile picture by Connie Springer. Accept?**

**Armin Arlert likes your profile picture.**

**Bertoldt Hoover, Reiner Braun, Sasha Braus, Mikasa Ackerman and Annie Leonhart like your profile picture.**

**Eren Jaeger liked and commented on your profile picture.**

Oh no. I scrolled to the comments section.

 **  
******

**“HA GAYYYYY”**

“Don’t worry about hi-” I was about to finish, but then I realised that he was already replying.

**“You don’t even know. ;)”**

“Oh my God, Marco.” I sighed.

“Wait, it gets better.” he said happily.

I scrolled further down the comments and saw another one of the selfies we had taken. It was Marco and I making seductive faces at the camera.

Marco was already in fits of giggles, and we could hear Connie laughing from the other room. I turned back to Marco, and told him what was about to happen.

“He’s going to try and up us.”

“He won’t win.”

I was right. Not even a minute later, Eren had posted a photo of him, Mikasa and Armin poking their tongues out at the camera.

**“You won’t beat us Jean.”**

_This is war._

“Connie! Call Sasha.”

Sasha arrived five minutes later, and Connie told her to come to the main room. Marco, Connie and I were gathered around my laptop, playing around with the different photo booth filters.

“Squirrel!” Sasha squealed. We selected the filter, and started taking the selfies.

By 10pm we were all tired, but our group had clearly won. We finished the photo war with Marco and I on our hands and knees, while Connie and Sasha stood on our backs posing for the camera.

Oh, and Connie was wearing Sasha’s skirt.

And Marco and I had bowls on our heads and a huge cookies in our mouths.

And Sasha was flailing in the air, about to fall of Marco’s back.

It was a funny photo really.

**“You win tonight Kirschtein, but next time I will have my revenge.”**

**“Step on a lego, Jaeger.”**

“Ooh.. harsh.”

Marco and I were lying down in our separate beds now, and we were finishing up on Facebook before finally falling asleep… which I realised was the plan two hours ago.

_Oops._

We set our laptops down on the ground and turned of the lamps. I was about to go to sleep when I heard Marco’s voice from across the room.

“Thanks for today Jean. It was really good spending time with you, and Connie and Sasha. I’m really glad that I have a friend already.”

“Marco, it’s fine. Believe me, if you ever need friends, I’m right here. I’m really glad that you are my roommate, and not some freak. But… to be honest… I’m seriously wondering what your ulterior motives are. You can’t be this nice, and not want something from me.”

“Damn it, you have me there. I do want something from you.”

“What?” I wasn’t expecting him to cave in and tell me he wanted something.

“Friendship.”

“Dude, you got that.” I breathed a small sigh of relief. Thank god he wasn’t asking something else of me. “But I want something as well.”

“Mmmhmmm?”

“Sleep.”

“Oh.” He laughed lightly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

We had another free day tomorrow, before classes started, so I could only imagine the things we would get up to. I was excited none-the-less. This year looked pretty hopeful. I couldn’t wait to get to know Marco more, and catch up with people I hadn’t seen in forever.

Sunday couldn’t come sooner.  
  
  
 **  
  
  
  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! First chapter over and done with. I seriously cannot believe that I wrote 7,000 words for one chapter of a fanfiction. Pretty cool though!!!
> 
> I have never written a fanfiction before, so this is a first for me.
> 
> I hope that you liked this chapter, and then there will be plenty more coming. I will probably have another 3 chapters up in the next week actually. I have school holidays, so I have nothing to do but get my creative juices flowing.
> 
> If you have any ideas for the story (jokes, lines, headcanons) please send them to me at my Tumblr account: freckledjeankirschtein
> 
> I will posting updates on this fic to my tumblr account, and under the hashtag “fanficopenyoureyes”
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and you’ll see the next chapter in no time!!!


	3. A Big Day Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dancing to Fall Out Boy, Jean and Marco meet the rest of the people on their dorm floor, pool trip with the crew, memories over Mexican food, and a sad heart-to-heart talk between Marco and Jean. Enjoy!

“Stole a key, took a car downtown where the lost boys meet, took a car downtown and took what they offered me, to set me free”

-Charlie Brown, Coldplay

I woke up this morning to an unfamiliar roof; it had a strange peachy tinge to the colour, and the texture looked more grated than the roof I was used to. I turned over in bed, and was met with the sight of a face dotted with freckles and messy bed hair, peeking out from his bed covers.

“Murnhingh” he said, once he caught sight of me looking at him.

Then I noticed the noise. Coming from his side of the room was the sound of heavy guitars, and a familiar beat…

“Marco… is that Fall Out Boy?”

“Yeah… do you like this song?”

“Like would be a serious understatement.” I said grinning, proud of myself for quoting him.

And that was how the morning started, Marco and I dancing around our room singing ‘Thnks fr th Mmrs’... well, at least until there was a bashing on our door, and Connie’s morning voice tell us to ‘shut up or he will steal our PoTarts. That shut Marco up.

Marco grabbed his clothes for the day, and walked out of the room and towards the bathroom to get dressed. I sat down on the edge of my bed, looking towards my wardrobe, and tried to decide what I could possibly wear for today that only looked slightly hipster. I gave up after a few minutes, and shrugged on another pair of black skinny jeans, and a gray shirt with the album cover for Snow Patrol’s album ‘Eyes Open’ printed on it. I was about to walk out of the room, but I remembered my ‘Bad Hair Day’ beanie, and put that on as well.

I stood up, and then saw the bedroom door open a crack, and Marco was about to walk in… but he hesitated, and walked away from the door leaving it slightly open. Wondering what was going on, I decided to follow him into the hallway.

“We have mail.” he said, leaning down and picking a note up from the ground just outside our door.

“Mail?” Connie shouted from the kitchen. “Are we really that popular?”

Marco handed me the note, and then slipped back into our bedroom to put his clothes away. I walked down the hallway, and upon reaching the main room, I collapsed on the sofa and started opening the note.

“Hey, who said it was addressed to you, Jean?” Connie said from the kitchen, grabbing something and then making his way to the sofa to look over my shoulder.

“It is addressed to all of us.” I said. Marco turned into the living room just then, and collapsed on the couch beside me, grinning. I finished opening the note, and message went as follows:

**  
  
**

Hello everyone on Floor 9,

My name is Armin, and I am asking if you would all like to meet in the main corridor of Floor 9 at 11:00am, so that we can all meet each other, and get to know other people. If you are free, please attend!

Thank you for your time!

\--

Armin Arlert

Room 2, Floor 9

**  
  
**

“No way!” Connie yelled, jumping over the couch and landing on my other side to face me. “Armin’s next door? I wonder who he’s rooming with?”

“Isn’t Armin one of the people that was in the photo war last night?” Marco asked beside me. That’s right… he didn’t know anyone at the college.

“Yeah, he was one of our… um… _‘friends’_ at high school.” I wasn’t ready to admit to Marco that I didn’t really have any friends at high school. He might find out eventually, I’ll make sure to tell him when the time is right.

“Oh okay! What’s the time?”

I looked down at my watch. My face immediately fell.

“10:50am! Guys we need to get out there now!”

Connie rolled of the sofa and sprinted to his room… he was still wearing slacks. Marco turned to look at me.

“Nice beanie!”

“Thanks! It’s one of my favourites! I love beanies, they always cover up this hair-” I motioned to my brown under-cut. If there was one thing I would be picked on, it was this haircut. “-and that is definitely for the best. When I saw this in the shops I decided it was made to sit on head.”

Marco laughed. I stood up, planning to grab a drink of water before we left.

“Is that a Snow Patrol t-shirt?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Oh my God they are one of my favourite bands!”

I know Marco. It might have something to do with the posters you have plastered all over your wall of them.

“Really!?” I said in fake disbelief. He obviously didn’t catch on.

“Yeah!”

I just laughed, and walked over to the kitchen. I had my face in the refrigerator when he spoke up again.

“Hipster looks good on you.”

My face heated up instantly, and thank the Lord the fridge was hiding it from view. God, Jean. Cool it. He said you looked good! You’re supposed to compliment him back! I turned around, and noticed Marco standing up, leaning against the back on the sofa, and facing me. He was wearing a red button up top, and black skinny jeans, just like me. Except, he looked great in skinny jeans. Like, amazing. I felt my face heating up again, so I turned back into the fridge.

“Don’t look so bad yourself!” I said, trying to keep my voice level.

He laughed lightly. “Thanks.” I could hear the smile in his voice… he couldn’t have noticed me blushing… could he?

At that moment Connie sprinted into the room. “COME ON GUYS WE NEED TO GO.”

I got so shocked by his outburst that I slammed the fridge door shut right on my face, much to the enjoyment of the other two people in the room.

 

\----------

 

Once we walked out of our dorm room, we were greeted by a crowd of about 20 people, all cramped into the area where the two corridors on floor 9 crossed paths. Then I noticed a whole heap of old faces, ones that I had seen millions of times before.

“ **JEAN!** ” Armin’s squeals could not be contained. He ran over to me and wrapped his arms around me. Armin had no shame. Ever since he came out as gay in Grade 10, he was not ashamed to show it out in public.

“H-hey Armin, good to see you again buddy.” I laughed awkwardly, trying to peel his fingers off me. Then Armin noticed the company I had. “Connie! Great to see you again!” he enveloped Connie into a lung-crushing hug, but Connie just picked him up and spun him around, despite the fact that Armin was taller, and probably heavier than him.

Marco was beside me, shuffling around awkwardly. I looked over at him and gave him a look that said ‘sorry’. Armin then disentangled himself from the bunch of limbs that was him and Connie, and made his way over to greet Marco.

“Hello! My name is Armin Arlert! I am your neighbour, and old acquaintances with your friend Jean here. What’s your name?” Armin asked, offering Marco a hand to shake.

“Marco…” he said carefully, shaking Armin’s hand. “Nice to meet you too Armin.”

After a while Armin and Marco were bickering endlessly about Mozart or something, when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

“Kirschtein.”

I turned around slowly. “Jaeger.”

We just stared at each other for a while, before he punched my arm and gave me one of the world renowned ‘bro-hugs’.

“How ‘ya doing?”

“Pretty good!” I said. Me and Eren had a strange relationship. We hated each other, but at the same time we could deal with each other and be friendly… if we wanted to.

I felt a tapping on my shoulder, and noticed that Marco was all by himself now, Armin having left to go and talk to four other guys.

“Marco, this is Eren. Eren, Marco.” I introduced them to each other, and they shook hands. Eren then eyed me, then Marco suspiciously.

“Isn’t this the dude in your Facebook profile picture?”

“Oh, yeah. Marco took part in the photo war last night.” I said. Eren was was still eyeing us suspiciously.

“How long have you guys known each other?” he finally asked.

Marco grinned, and answered, almost proudly. “Not even a day!”

“Woah… you guys look pretty close, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, I had no friends here, so Jean said I could hang out with him and Connie throughout the year.” he offered.

“Okay then.” Eren was knocked out of his faze, and grinned at Marco. “Welcome to the island of misfit toys! There’s no going back from here on out! Just wait until you meet Reiner and Bertl-”

“What about me?” a deep voice said from Marco’s other side.

Marco jumped about a mile into the air. Reiner was standing there, hand in hand with his high-school boyfriend Bertholdt. Everyone just calls him Bertl though.

“Hello! You must be Marco! Armin told us about you! Apparently you have chosen to be friends with Jean… you thinking of reconsidering?” Reiner said, grinning at me.

“Dude, I swear to God, all I ask for… _ALL I ASK FOR_ … is one friend. And you leave Marco alone.” I said, suddenly becoming very protective over my new friend.

“Calm down! How you doing Marco? My name is Reiner and this is Bertl!” Bertl sweat nervously as he looked down on everyone. Freaking tower.

People were flooding in from all sides… Mikasa, Annie, Sasha (though she just disappeared with Connie… said something about “wreaking havoc downstairs”)... but then Christa and Ymir turned up.

They had already introduced themselves to Marco (who had taken a liking to Christa), and we were all having a normal conversation, when Ymir piped up.

“Hey! Jean, Marco! You wanna come to my dorm party on Saturday? It’s me and Christa’s 4 year anniversary and we decided to hold a party!”

“Yeah! That sounds good!” I replied. I looked over at Marco. “You interested?”

“Y-yeah… that sounds… great… yep.”

“O-okay. You don’t have to go if you d-”

“No! No, it’s fine I’ll come!”

“Ymir! Marco’s coming as well! We’ll see you then!” Marco and I were about to leave, when Armin, Eren and Mikasa turned up.

“Meet us at the public pool at 1! We’re having a get together with the rest of the gang!” Eren shouted excitedly.

“Yep! We’ll see you there! Bye!” Marco and I took the chance, and quickly slipped back through our dorm door. As soon as the door was shut and locked, I looked over at him expectantly. When he just stared back at me blankly, not saying anything, I was forced to speak up.

“Are you okay? You looked really nervous when we were invited to Ymir and Christa’s. What’s wrong?”

“I’ve never been to a party before.” he said quietly. I was amazed. He went through the whole of high-school not going to a party? How is that even possible?

“Woah. It’s fine! I’ll look over you, and make sure everything’s okay. If anything happens, I’ll be there to stop it!”

“Thanks Jean.” he looked up at me and smiled. “I’m definitely not reconsidering this friendship.” he laughed.

“Good! ‘Cause neither am I! Looks as if you need someone to watch over you anyway!”

He laughed, and made his way down the hallway. I followed him. As soon as I got to the kitchen, I saw the coffee machine. There was no holding us back. We got to work straight away. I was surprised that I even lasted that long out there without caffeine, being forced into the presence of others, and even worse- socializing.

Marco and I took our places at the coffee table, drinking coffee with our Macs sitting on our laps, and we had assumed scrolling position.

The comfortable silence lasted about 5 minutes, when Marco cleared his throat.

“There was something I noticed, when I was hanging out with all your old friends.” he paused slightly. “You have a huge range of friends.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know… Ymir and Christa… Bertl and Reiner…” he said slowly. I eventually got what he was talking about. He was referring to the fact that a lot of them were gay. I suddenly became very self-conscious. What if he was homophobic? He hadn’t used any slurs… of what I remember… It hadn’t even crossed my mind.

“You get used to it!” I said quickly. “If you aren’t comfortable around them they should be fine with-”

“No! No, no, no! I’m fine with it! I’m just surprised you managed to have so many gay friends!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I- I just thought you might be uncomfortable with people who weren’t straight or-”

“Dude! I’m fine with it!”

“Oh- oh good okay.” He looked back down at his laptop screen, signifying that the conversation was over. He seemed pretty immersed in what he was doing… I sneaked a peek at his screen, and I instantly knew what site he was on.

I had no idea Marco would be the type of person to use Tumblr. He went back up to the top of his page to refresh his dash, and I got a glimpse of his username…

 

**freckledjesus**

 

I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from snorting. Without thinking twice, I searched him up and added him.

Half a second later, there was a sharp intake of breath beside me. I looked over at Marco, and he was looking at me, turning a deep shade of red. I went onto his blog, and started scrolling. Once again, it was like a complete repetition of his Facebook profile, except it might have a random gif of a cat or dog or something every now and then. Personally, I found it hilarious.

Then I got a notification.

 

**freckledjesus is following you.**

 

It was my turn to go red. It took less than a minute for him to start laughing. I looked over at him, and as innocently as I could, I said “What are you laughing at?”

He just looked at me pointedly. “Are you serious? Do you think that I would look at that username, jean-y-boy, and NOT know it was you?”

I was completely embarrassed. No one was EVER supposed to find out I was on Tumblr.

“You don’t tell anybody. Ever.”

“Sure! That goes the same for me okay?” I agreed, but I was still annoyed about my stupid mistake. Of course he would know my username when he saw it. You idiot, Jean. We spent the hour laughing at each others blogs, and seeing who could spam who the most. At least he wasn’t making fun of the amount of bunny gifs on my blog.

 

\----------

 

At 12:30pm, Marco and I were out the door, me carrying a backpack containing our swimwear, sunblock and pocket items.

We almost forgot that we were meant to meet up with the rest of the group at the public pool, but I was lucky to have Marco, who remembered at the last minute. I told him we that should probably eat before we went anywhere, but told me that was dangerous, and we should eat AFTER we swam. So I decided to secretly stash a box of Poptarts at the bottom of the back-pack. He would thank me for it later.

We made our way to the pool and the walk went by quite fast, as we were listening to Marco’s iPod. I learnt even more about him in that 15 minutes. I did not suspect he would like Beyonce. We did have some fun dancing to Single Ladies though. I couldn’t easily back down to that song.

On the way to the pool, we passed Starbucks, McDonalds, Trost Pizza and a Mexican Restaurant. Then we saw a gym and the public pool, right next to each other. Also right next to all the fast-food stores. I looked over at Marco.

“It has to be a joke. There is a gym right beside McDonalds and the pizza shop. It has GOT to be a joke. Please tell me I’m hallucinating.”

“Nope.” he laughed.

“Woah.”

We entered the public pool, and paid. We then headed off to the changing rooms. Marco was out before me, and when I emerged and saw him in his swim-wear, I was in hopeless fits of laughter.

“Dude, are you actually wearing a sun shirt?”

“Yeah… what of it?” He looked a little bit annoyed.

I gestured to his pale arms and legs. “You could use some sun. Come on. Off with it.”

He sighed, and reluctantly took the sun-shirt off. The sight before me was amazing. He had definition, which was amazing. Not abs, not flat… definition. Perfect. No-homo though.

His skin was sickly white though. The guy looked like he had never seen the light of day.

He caught me staring. I sucked in a deep breath and then said we should go and get a tanning chair. He was non-stop grinning at me.

“What?” I finally said, as soon as we were both sat back and relaxed on the chairs, sunblock covering our bodies.

“You were staring at me back there. What was it?”

I went really red. He couldn't see though… I had enough sunblock on to cover my flushing, right? I took a deep breath, and took the only path that made sense.

“You are really pale. Like Edward Cullen type pale.”

“Oh… I won’t be after this tanning hopefully. Do you think I have enough sunblock on?”

He was one with the white tanning chair. His skin was so white that all I could see were his red board-shorts.

“Yeah, I think you’ve got enough on Mr. Sparkles.”

“Pfft.”

About 15 minutes later, Armin, Mikasa and Eren turned up. They were joint at the hip. Armin ran over to us after paying admittance and said that he was just going to go and get changed quickly, then he would be back to wait for the others with us.

No sooner did he say that, than we heard shouting from the entrance.

“HEY JEAN! HEY MARCO! HEY ARMIN!”

Sasha and Connie were here, and they were already changed. They came and sat down beside us, and told us about how they were doing ‘knock and runs’ on Floor 8, while Armin finished up getting ready.

Once the trio was back from the changing rooms, Bertl, Reiner and Annie turned up. They joined us, and Armin announced everyone was here.

“Let’s go swi-”

There was a huge tidal wave over us, as Sasha and Connie bomb-dived into the pool.

“SCREW THIS!” Reiner jumped into the pool dragging Bertl after him. He slipped on the edge of the pool, and fell right on top on Reiner into the water. Annie shrugged, and did a perfect dive after them.

Mikasa followed her, and Armin and Eren pencil dived into the pool and joined in on the game that Connie and Sasha had started. From the looks of it… it purely involved pulling other people into the water using their legs.

I stood up and stretched. I was about to jump into the pool, when I felt two hands on my back push me in. I flailed, but the attempt at staying dry failed miserably. I plunged into the icy cold water, and my heart skipped a beat as my body adjusted to the temperature change. I resurfaced, and looked at the freckles and cheesy grin watching me. I scowled, and Marco laughed.

He offered his hand to pull me back out, so I took it. But I did the good old party trick, and pulled him in after me. It was hilarious watching him wave his arms around in the air trying to stay balanced. He resurfaced right behind me. We stood with our feet touching the bottom, and just laughed. I then realised that he was a little bit taller than me.

It was strange, him being taller than me. In high school, the only people taller than me were Reiner and Bertl. I shrugged it off, and swam with Marco over to the deeper end of the pool where everyone had joined in on Sasha and Connie’s game.

We continued playing that game for a while, but eventually it turned into an underwater handstand challenge, which Eren won. It turned into a huge tournament between us both. We were versing each other in so many different games, keeping score. It was even, when Armin said that we should have a piggy-back war.

We all got our pairs together. Connie and Sasha, Reiner and Bertholdt, Marco and I, Eren and Armin, and Mikasa and Annie.

The first war was between Mikasa and Annie’s team and Connie and Sasha. To put it simply, Connie and Sasha slayed… despite the fact they broke the rules. When Connie launched Sasha off his shoulders right into Mikasa, tipping the two girls over, everyone said that was against the rules from now on, but Connie and Sasha got it because it was hilarious. Mikasa and Annie agreed, they didn’t really want to participate in the game anyway.

The next war was between Reiner and Bertl’s team, and Eren’s. Eren was on Armin’s shoulders, and he easily pushed Reiner off Bertl’s shoulders. Reiner’s bulk wouldn’t have lasted long on Bertl’s shoulders anyway.

The next round was going to be between Marco, Sasha, Connie and I, but they had to stop swimming. Why? Because they were banned from the pool for the day…  they continuously bomb-dived, and that was against the rules.

So it was between Marco, Eren, Armin and I. Me and Eren were on the shoulders of our chosen partner. Reiner counted down, and then it was on. Eren met me halfway, and he was shoving. He had no care for whether or not I came out of this alive… he had to win. Guess he didn’t lose that burning passion for winning over the break.

The fight went on for about 3 minutes until I finally made him fall off Armin. How? I tickled him. Of all things that Eren could possibly be fazed by, it was tickling. I dismounted, and Marco gave me a high-five. We jumped up and down, laughing, happy to have victory over Jaeger for once.

We were all tired after swimming, so we decided to sit back on the tanning seats and relax. I looked over at Eren to see how he was coping with his loss. He was biting on his thumb again. He always did that whenever he was mad, pissed, or had lost something. It was going to start bleeding if he didn’t stop. I lay back down, and fell asleep.

 

\----------

 

When I woke up it was 4:30pm. I had been asleep for 2 hours. I looked over at Marco, who had also dozed off, and almost screamed. His skin has started going red from the exposure to the sun. I shook him awake, and when he saw the state of his skin he just laughed.

“It happens. Believe me, by the time we get back to the dorms, I’ll have a great tan… and a few more freckles.” he laughed.

“Okay.” My skin was nicely tanned, so I decided it was time to wake everyone else up, and ask them what we were doing next. Once everyone was awake, Armin said we should all go and have something to eat at the Mexican restaurant we passed on our way here. Reiner, Bertl and Annie said they were all going to go back to their dorms, so we said our goodbyes.

Once the rest of us had dressed and were gathered outside the public pool, we made the walk next door to the restaurant.

We ordered a huge plate of nachos, and make-your-own taco kits, and then took our seats at a huge table lining the back wall of the restaurant. There was a huge window directly beside me, so I looked out and decided to take a break from human interaction. I was looking out at the main road, watching as hundreds of cars passed, going home from school or work. I was enjoying taking in the scenery, when I heard my name in the conversation going on between the others. I immediately tuned in.

“... the party was so awesome! Everyone was drinking, but the first person to get drunk was Jean.” Eren started laughing, and realising I had started listening to the conversation, he sent me an evil grin. Don’t do it Jaeger. I was about to tell him to shut up, but that was a sign of weakness that deserved to be punished anyway. I let him continue, but I had to think of something to say that would get him back.

“Drunk Jean is the best form of Jean there is. Since everyone else was only a little bit tipsy, we remember everything that he said and did, but the next morning he completely forgot!”

Eren, Connie and Sasha were all laughing about it together. Armin was shuffling nervously in his seat, obviously unsure about the direction in which this conversation was going. Mikasa obviously knew exactly what was going to happen, I could trust her to shut Eren up though. Well, hopefully.

“I can remember after his sixth shot he was dancing to Abba! Remember that Armin?” Eren nudged Armin, who instantly shivered. “He was going mad! And remember when he tried to make out with Bertl? Oh my gosh that was the best.”

Marco shot me a worried look, to which I just went really red.

“He even tried to make out with Mikasa!” Mikasa turned to Eren at that, and she looked as if she was going to hit him. “He kept on saying he loved her hair! ‘Oh Mikasa, I have never seen hair as lovely as yours!’” He was imitating my voice. That was it. I glared at him from the other side of the table, a glare that told him not to say another word if he wanted his heart to still be beating at the end of the day.

He obviously doesn’t know how to read faces.

“Remember when he started dancing around Reiner’s bedroom acting like a horse? Wait, I think I have that on video! I’ll make sure to show it to you one day Marco!” Marco mumbled something unintelligible under his breath. Suddenly the waiter appeared with the food, and set it down on the table. We all grabbed our serving, and I thought the conversation was over, but Eren cleared his throat once again.

“Oh my God, and then later on in the night when the rest of the shots hit him, and he was vomiting all over Reiner’s new rug, and crying about his dad or something.” Eren grinned over at me, with food still in his mouth. He was doing this on purpose… I suddenly understood. He was trying to turn Marco off me. I looked over to see what Marco’s reaction to all this was, but he was just staring at the plate of untouched food with a strange look on his face. Please don’t go Marco, don’t leave me alone with them.

“He was a blubbering mess” Eren continued. “He couldn’t stop crying, and there was snot everywhere!” Marco visibly cringed beside me. “He kept on saying stuff like ‘My dad is mean, I don’t want to go home, nobody likes me, I’m so alone!’”

“That’s enough, Eren.” Mikasa said, shoving a nacho into his mouth. He spluttered a little, much to my amusement. The conversation was over, and that was very much for the best. I was already thinking of all the cool furniture I could make out of his bones.

The meal continued, with the odd spot of conversation. Marco only had a few mouthfuls of his nachos, before pushing the plate away. This was very unlike him… I started getting worried, wondering if Eren’s outburst had really ruined our friendship. I stopped eating after that thought.

I vaguely remember Armin saying something about seeing ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ in the cinemas at 6:30pm. Everyone agreed, apart from Sasha and Connie, who said they had already arranged to go and see it this Thursday on a date. Eren, Mikasa and Armin got up, and said they were going to the shops to grab some lollies and chips, and did we want to come? Marco spoke up, much to my surprise.

“Jean and I wanted to check out a new gaming store in the shopping plaza next door to the cinema.” I looked over at him, surprise written plainly on my face. He looked over at me, and his eyes widened just a little bit, and I understood what was going on.

“Yeah, we’ll meet you at the cinemas at 6:15.” I said.

So Marco and I stood up, and without even thinking, we went straight to Starbucks, bought ourselves take-away coffees, and then walked across the road to the gardens. The ground was now covered in the orange leaves from the cherry-blossoms, and the silence hanging the air was a little more awkward than usual. Finally, after about 5 minutes, Marco cleared his throat.

“Speak up.”

“About what?” I said, as innocently as I could. I knew what he was talking about, I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell him just yet.

“You know what.” he said, turning to me. He smiled slightly. “I’m here, and I am ready to listen to anything.” There was silence on my side. “I won’t judge.” he added.

“Yes you will.”

“Come on, Jean. Please speak to me. I’m not going to stop being your friend.” he said, a small smile spreading across his lips.

“I was just talking about how my father doesn’t like me, and never talks to me…” I said quietly. Please don’t ask about the next part. Please, please, please.

“What about you being alone, and no one liking you?”

There was a silence hanging in the air, and I wanted to tell him… I did. I just wasn’t sure about how he would take it. What if started hating me? I didn’t need another enemy, especially not my room mate.

Especially not Marco.

We made our way to the closet bench, and sat down. The silence was only interrupted by birds in the trees around us, and the gusts of wind that rattled the leaves every now and then. I turned to look at him, and he was staring expectantly at me. I gave up. I looked down, and said what I had been holding in for what feels like forever.

“I have been teased for most of my life. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with it, say if it was about my hair, I wouldn’t care. But the thing I was teased about what how rich I was. I had no control over that. I just happened to be born into a rich family that own its own business. For the first few days of high school, everyone thought I was cool. I would turn up at school in Lotus’ or something, and then come out of the car wearing all this expensive stuff. I would be the one that could afford the food and booze for house-parties. Eventually people realised that if they became friends with me, then that would mean they they could afford more because I would buy everything for them.”

I stopped, unsure of where to go from there. Marco made a motion with his hands, as if to say ‘continue’. So, I took a deep breath, and said it.

“Nobody cared about me, they cared about my wealth. My parents never cared about me at home, God, they didn’t even say goodbye to me when I left yesterday. You’d think I would be used to it now, but it still hurts. I always thought that I would be able to deal with my parents silence, as long as I could talk to people at school. So I let them use me, because I needed to be around people. I was invited to the parties purely because I could afford beer.”

“Nobody even noticed me. I would sit on the side-lines, and watch as people got themselves drunk. But one party, the one Eren was talking about at lunch before, was the party when I got so mad at myself, my family, my so-called friends and all the other people around me, that I got drunk. I needed to let myself loose. So I took countless shots, and eventually got so drunk that I forgot everything, and let everything out. That was the only time though. From then on I still got drunk at the parties, but not drunk enough that I spilled.”

I looked over to see Marco’s reaction to all this news. I hadn’t told anyone this before, but for some reason I was proud that the first person I told was Marco. I had to hope he understood. He took a deep breath.

“Are you… y-you know…” he stumbled.

“Am I what?”

“Depressed.” he said. His voice was so low that it was a miracle I heard.

I had already told him everything else, so why not go the whole way? Well, not the whole way. He would definitely stop being my friend if he knew to the full extent just how messed up I was.

“Ever since the start of high school.”

“Jean…” he breathed. I looked at his reaction to this piece of information. Disbelief. Sadness.

“I’m fine. You get used to it after a while.” I lied.

“Stop it.” His voice sounded a bit harsh. “Don’t try and turn this into nothing.”

“It is nothing.” It had always been nothing. The tears started welling up in my eyes. Don’t cry Jean. “Nobody has ever cared. My parents blew it off. The people around me blew it off. It is nothing. Nobody has ever cared, so I have chosen to stop caring as well.” The tears were spilling over my waterline now. I mopped them up, but not fast enough. Marco’s eyes had gone wide at the realisation that I was crying.

“I care.”

I looked up at him at that. His voice sounded choked. I had to wonder if he really meant it.

“You’ve only just met me though.” I croaked.

“That’s not going to stop me.” he looked at me, and I saw genuine hope in his eyes. “I will help you. We can get through this together.”

“Thank you” I spluttered. The tears were spilling from my eyes so fast that I gave up trying to stop them. Someone cared. Marco cared. He wasn’t going to leave me. He was here for the long run. Nobody ever cared about the fact that I had emotions before now, I was just the generous rich guy that dressed like a hipster and has a scowl plastered on his face all the time.

Then I remembered yesterday. After I met Marco, I didn’t scowl once. A small voice in my head said that it was him that brought out the good in me. The tall, freckled stranger, that was too angelic for his own good.

I ignored my ‘no-homo’ rules, and reached in to hug him. He met me halfway, much to my luck. Guess he was okay with this type of contact between guys.

He held me against him really tightly, and I could feel his hair brush against my neck. He smelt like vanilla and soap, and it calmed me slightly. I could almost feel the little broken bits of me gluing themselves back together. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but when he pulled away, I was really sad. I wanted to stay like that forever. I wasn’t used to someone caring about me, or hugging me purely because they could.

He looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said “It only gets better from here on out.”

I sighed dramatically. “Welcome, to the emotional rollercoaster that is my life. Enjoy your stay.”

He laughed and stood up, looking at his watch. “Let’s go. We’ll be early but I’m sure we can find something to pass the time.” He offered his hand to pull me up.

I took it, and he pulled me up quickly. But he didn’t let go. He lingered, just for long enough to be noticed. Suddenly he dropped it, and asked if I was coming, as if nothing ever happened. I gave him a curt nod in reply, and we walked out of the gardens and towards the cinemas, talking about nothing and everything.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER!!!  
> Jean goes through his first lectures.
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter everybody!!! It was really fun to write!!  
> Please leave comments below!!! And don’t forget to leave kudos if you liked it!!!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: freckledjeankirschtein


	4. The First Lecture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woken up with a new Facebook status from Eren, calling Jean out on his motto 'NO-HOMO', Jean is forced to beat him up. Jean has his first lecture, and scares Marco during his lesson! Ymir and Eren start getting suspicious about Jean sexuality... but he will not let up... he is straight! Isn't he?

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, will you lay with me and just forget the world? Forget what we’re told, before we get too old, show me a garden that’s bursting into life.”

-Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

 

We got home at about 10 last night, after watching Captain America. It was a really good movie, and Marco couldn’t get over the special effects. It was really funny watching him marvel at something that I was so used to.

“Good **MORNING!** ”

Marco’s scream woke me up from my state of disarray, and as I sat bolt upright in bed, he looked at me from across the room laughing. He was already dressed, sporting a shirt covered in moustaches and, once again, black skinny jeans. He was also wearing a beanie.

“Wow. Eccentric much.” I grumbled. I am not a morning person, and Marco should know not to talk to me before I’ve had my coffee. I looked at the alarm clock on my bedside table, and it showed that it was 7:30 in the morning.

“Dude, what is this satanic ritual you are taking part in here? 7:30? Really?” I got out of bed and started grabbing my clothes for the day. I couldn’t care less that he was still standing at the door, watching me. I pulled my shirt over my head, and started sifting through my closet. I found two shirts that appealed to me. Taking them out, I turned around and held them on either side of me.

“What do you think?”

He looked slightly flustered. I couldn’t help but wonder why, had he not gotten used to me without a shirt on? I was shirtless at the pool yesterday. He didn’t answer, so I just shrugged and took the one I thought I prefered. It was black (no surprise there), but it had a red rose dripping blood on the front. Quite happy, I thought. I could have chosen something _much_ worse.

I pulled a pair of black skinny jeans out of my cupboard, and turned around to see if Marco was still there. Sure enough, there he was, leaning against the door frame with a stupid look on his face and _very_  red cheeks.

“Uh, dude, unless you want to see me take my pants off you might want to get out of here.”

“O-OH y-y-yeah…” he turned around much too fast, resulting in him smacking his head against the door. I laughed as I heard a small ‘ow’ escape his mouth. He opened up the door and ran down the hallway at a million miles per hour.

I danced (literally, DANCED) into my skinny jeans, and then walked out the door. I heard a huge commotion coming from the kitchen. I rounded the corner, and saw Marco dancing around the kitchen, headphones in, and making coffee.

Then, I heard him sing.

His voice could only be described in one word, angelic. His voice hit the low notes perfectly, and the sound reverberated around the kitchen and main room. Then I realised what he was singing.

 

_“Tell me that you’ll open your eyes, tell me that you’ll open your eyes”_

 

He did a spin, and his back was facing me. He was bopping his head slightly to the beat of the drums. He was fidgeting around with the coffee maker, and then reaching into the cupboards above him to grab two huge mugs.

 

_“Get up, get out, get away from these liars, ‘cause they don’t get your soul, or your fire.”_

 

There was something about the way that he sang it. He wasn’t just singing the song, he was feeling it as well. He had finished with the coffee machine, so he grabbed the two cups that were almost full with coffee, and spun around. I decided I would join him for the next line of the song.

 

_“Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine...”_

 

Obviously hearing that his voice was doubled, he looked up and met eyes with me. He smiled slightly.

 

_“...And we’ll walk from this dark room for the last time.”_

 

I walked around the table to join him in the kitchen. The dorky smile plastered over his face was making my cheeks flush up, so in a way of revenge, I tugged his beanie over his face. He pulled the earphones out and laughed.

“What was that for?” he said between laughs. The smile was still on his face.

Being cute, I said to myself. “Being a dork.” I said to him.

I need to control myself. This is a guy, and I am describing him as cute. What the hell Jean, turn off the gay. He’s your _room mate_ for Pete’s sake.

No-homo.

Marco handed me one of the the cups, and I smiled at him as if to say thanks.

“Wait… did you just smile BEFORE you had coffee?”

“Shut up. You just ruined it.” I tried to keep a scowl on my face, but it gave way to a smirk eventually. He laughed lightly, and I had to wonder how he could be so happy at 7:30 in the morning. On a Monday.

MONDAY. I had my first class at 9:05… Art. I suddenly became very excited. I grabbed my coffee, and sat down on the sofa, turning the TV onto channel 104, the only channel I could really put up with. Some soap opera started playing, and it was one of those ones that you have in the background while you’re on the internet but you end up being addicted to. You know that type I mean? Yeah, doesn't matter.

I turned the volume down, and opened my laptop up. It was quiet, apart from the occasional slurp of Marco sipping his coffee. I was about to tell him to control himself, when he started laughing really _really_  loud.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, watching him wipe tears away from under his eyes.

“Check Eren’s most recent status.” he said between laughs.

What’s he done now? I think to myself. Could it really be so funny that Marco laughs like that? I opened up Facebook and went to Eren’s timeline. Scrolling down to his last status, I am greeted with a photo of me at the pool.

Reiner was laughing to the side of the photo, obviously noticing what Eren was doing. Then I noticed the marks Eren had put over the photo. He had circled my eyes, and drew lines towards what they were looking at.

I was looking straight at Marco’s abs. Except in a ‘not-straight’ way.

“Oh my God.” I breathed, which just earned another outburst from Marco.

“Have you seen the caption?” he asked, taking deep breaths to control himself. I scrolled up a little and saw the caption the little snot put on it.

**‘Jean ‘No-Homo’ Kirschstein strikes again!’**

“That’s it.” I sat up, and started marching towards the emergency contact sheet we put up on the fridge. I had peoples names, numbers and dorm rooms written all over it. I found Eren’s name, and found out he was dorm-ing with Armin, in Room 2, right next door.

“He is _so_ screwed.”

Marco was still laughing as he followed me out of our dorm and to the door marked with the number two. I knocked on the door, and a shout came from inside.

“Who is it?” Eren screamed. I looked over at Marco pointedly. Marco, getting the hint, replied.

“It’s me, Marco! I’m just wondering if I can come in and… uhh…” he looked over at me, a worried look on his face.

“Armin.” I hissed under my breath.

“Can I come in and talk to Armin?” Marco yelled. He looked so worried. Poor kid.

“Sure, come on in!” Armin said kindly opening the door. When he saw Marco he smiled politely, but then he saw me behind Marco. His face contorted a little bit. He knew what was about to happen.

“I apologise in advance for what’s about to happen. Do you have 911 on speed dial?” Marco, said hurriedly. It was too late. I had long since pushed past Armin and pounded down their hallway, and then turned into their main area. Eren was on the couch with his laptop, still wearing his slacks.

“Oh crap.” he said, shutting his laptop lid shut and scrambling off the couch to cower behind it. “Please don’t hurt me dude it was a joke I swear it meant nothing please don’t get so worked up about it.”

I lunged at him, eventually getting a good fistfull of his sweatpants. I heard Marco and Armin enter the room, and Armin was screaming at me to spare him.

Ain’t nobody being spared today, blondie. This is imminent murder you are watching.

Eventually I got him in a straddle hold with his hands pinned above his head. He was writhing around on the floor. I looked him right in the eyes.

“If you say or do anything that will ruin the friendship I am building with Marco, I solemnly swear that I will kick your ass to Shiganshina and back.” I hissed.

“O-okay! Please let me go dude! It was a joke! I won’t do it again!”

I remembered the conversation that we had over Mexican yesterday, and thought that I should confront him about that as well, as I still had him pretty firmly in this hold.

“And you even dare mention my past in front of Marco again, I will ruin you. I am trying my hardest to change and be a better person.” I scowled. “And you’re not helping. So you keep your mouth shut Jaeger. Got it?”

“Y-yes!” he whimpered. He sound terrified. Better be, I thought. If he is scared then I know damn well he will not mess with me.

I released him, and he instantly pounced about 5 feet away. I laughed evilly to myself, and got up. I walked over to Marco and Armin who were cowering in the hallway, both of them looking terrified. I grabbed Marco’s wrist and pulled him towards the hallway.

“We’re leaving.”

“O-okay! Got it.” He looked over his shoulder back at Armin and Eren. “Sorry!” he called out to them. Once we were safely back at our dorm with the door closed, we heard a shouting from Connie’s room.

“What happened guys? I heard Eren pleading!”

“Oh, he was just paying for that status he made.” I chuckled. Marco visibly cringed beside me.

“DUDE! That was funny! Jean No-Homo Kirschtein! That’s your new name dude!”

Oh, he is so dead.

I poked my head into his room. He was sprawled all over his king, his phone above his head in the air. He saw my head at the door, and dropped his phone smack-bang onto his face in surprise. I had to hold my laughter back, I was trying to come off as badass here.

“If you even dare to call me that, then I promise I will make _very_ nice drums out of your stretched skin once _I have killed you._ ” I said darkly.

“God, okay dude. Sorry. I’ll tell the others as well.” he shivered and picked his phone up again, typing madly into it.

Once Marco and I were relaxed on the sofa again, he took a deep breath.

“Did you mean what you said back there?”

“What?! About me killing Connie and turning his skin into drums? Do you _really_ think I would-”

“NO!” he almost shouted at me. He recoiled and tried again. “I mean what you said to Eren.”

“Well, I will kick his ass to Shigan-”

He sighed exasperatedly. “Did you mean it when you were saying you were trying to be a nicer person, and trying to keep our friendship going?”

“Well, yeah. You mean a lot to-”

WAIT. STOP _RIGHT THERE_ JEAN. RETRACE YOUR STEPS AND WALK IN A _STRAIGHT LINE._

“A-as in…. I’m not used to having friends… and it’s cool-” Oh god. I’m just digging myself a deeper hole. I’ll find myself in hell if I don’t shut up.

“Just say what you want to say, Jean.”

Marco saying my name made me tense up. I don’t know why, but it gave me butterflies. He would be scared if I told him what I was really thinking.

He would be scared if he found out that even after only two days of knowing him, I was unsure if what I was feeling was just friendship.

I shook my head quickly, pulling myself up out of my deep internal monologue. I would say as much as I am comfortable to say in this stage of our relationship, and if he didn’t like it…. I would work out what to do after that. I didn’t want to go freaking myself out over nothing. I took a deep breath, and made a choice with no regrets.

“I am really glad that someone like you are my room mate, because I was worried I would rooming with some heartless douche-bag that teased me for being rich yet still dressing like a hipster, and didn’t like my music taste. Instead I got you, literally a freckled version of Jesus, who has the same music taste, likes me for me, and for once in my entire life, accepts me. I’m really grateful for that. So thank you Marco. What I said to Eren was simply me trying to make precautions, because I didn’t want to lose you so early. If I did lose you I would be alone again, and I don’t know how I would deal with that. I’m so glad it was you Marco. _I’m so glad._ ”

Marco was looking down at the couch, the small mop of hair that was peeking out of his beanie had covered his face, leaving me to wonder what expression was crossing his face. As if reading my mind, he looked up at me, and a sheepish smile crossed over his face. His eyes looked lighter, and he just looked genuinely… well, happy.

There was suddenly an awkward shuffling behind us, and I turned around to see who was interrupting our moment.

“Uhh… sorry… did I walk in on something?”

Connie looked confused, and his left hand was scratching absent-mindedly at his cheek. I glared at him, and he started to walk away, but quickly turned back over to look at us.

“I just wanted to say it’s a quarter past eight… and I thought you might like to go and grab a bite to eat before our first lecture?”

Marco stood up, and looked down at me. “You coming?”

“Oh… uhh… yeah.”

Marco and I walked in silence back to his bedroom to grab our bags. Once we were out of the dorm, the conversation picked back up again, but we were talking about how excited we were for our lecture. Marco had music, I had art, and Connie had Biology. Why he picked up that subject, I had no idea- but I wasn’t going to comment.

We made our way to the EC, and once we went in through the huge entrance, it was like we had stepped through the cupboard into Narnia. I was so much BIGGER on the inside. I’m talking out of the frying pan into the fire type stuff here. Serious business. Marco stood in the middle of the corridor and looked up, spinning around. I couldn’t help but smile.

Connie left us the second we walked through the door. The auditorium where he was getting his lecture was the first classroom to the right once we walked in. We bid him farewell, but not before saying hello to Armin, as he bounced (yes, bounced. He was ecstatic.) into the same classroom as Connie.

Marco and I followed the signs to the Arts section of the EC. The high roof was quite daunting, and it made no sense as to why the room would have to be so high up. There was no visible second floor. So why?

I worked out when I got a glimpse of the classroom I was in. There was a huge classroom on the ground level, and then a Theatre up top. That must be how all the Arts classrooms are. Marco’s class was right next to mine, so we said goodbye and good luck, then walked straight into our first lecture ever.

Art lectures are just two 100 minute lessons, with a ten minute break in between. Our first lesson would be an actual lecture, and then the second lesson would be us actually painting. I was so excited.

I walked into the classroom, and looked around for anyone I knew, so I would sit alone on the first day. My eyes set upon two faces, chattering eagerly to each other.

“Jaeger, I didn’t know you were talented.” I smirked.

“Ouch.” Ymir said.

I was glad it was these two who were in my class. At least it wasn’t Sasha or something, she would be a complete pain in the ass.

Not that Eren wasn’t.

Or Ymir actually. She can be an asshole when she wants.

Never-the-less, I knew this was going to be a year to be remembered. Kicking Eren’s ass in sketching, and hopefully Ymir’s as well. I’m not going to underestimate that girl. She scares the living daylights out of me.

The door slammed, and everyone in the classroom turned around to meet our new teacher. The second I saw him, I took back every joke I had ever made about Connie being short.

This guy was tiny.

The look on his face was what really scared me. He was about business. No bullcrap in this classroom. The class was almost completely silent, apart from a couple a row in front of us. I remembered their face… they were on our floor in Rose Tower. I couldn’t bring a name to their faces though. All that was obvious is that they were in relationship.

And they didn’t care who knew. They were bickering back and forth like an old married couple.

The art teacher moved to the front of the classroom and set down his suitcase. He then looked up, and stared us down, one-by-one.

I looked at Eren beside me. He looked as if he was going to implode. Ymir was smirking, and trying really hard to hold back her laughter. She knew something I didn’t.

Suddenly the professor cleared his throat, but the old married couple continued talking, and loudly. The whole class was obviously wondering what was going to happen.

“Do they ever shut up?” he said to no one in particular.

The couple didn’t care obviously. They kept on talking. I was going to try and get their attention in some way, purely because I didn’t want to witness a murder- when a paintbrush went flying across the room, and whizzed straight between their faces.

That got their attention.

The teacher, the one who threw the paint-brush ninja-style, stared them down and then said in one of the most murderous tones I had ever heard in the history of mankind, “Thank you.”

“I am Professor Levi, and I will be teaching you art for the rest of this god-awful year.” he decided to stare down Eren. “You will enjoy it whether you like it or not.” A shiver ran down my spine, but I avoided the oncoming cringe attack. Eren on the other hand, went stupidly red, and sucked in a huge breath. Once the professor broke eye contact, he let it back out again. It looked like he just went through a traumatic experience or something. He was shaking his seat, and was completely expressionless.

Well, that’s it. Looks like looks really can kill. Goodbye world. Nice knowing you.

The first lesson went past really fast, and during our break I pulled out my phone to text Marco.

 

**To: Marco**

hey how did ur lesson go?

 

I didn’t know if he was going to reply instantly or not, so I tucked my phone back into my jeans. Surprisingly, my did buzz. I moved to grab it, when I felt a presence behind me.

“Who you texting?” Ymir asked, looking over my shoulder as I pulled up Marco’s text.

“No one.” I answered. Why didn’t I just tell her? I was just texting my room mate! It’s not some big secret that we’re friends is it? Ymir obviously took my ignorance as ‘I have a secret and I’m not going to tell you’ because she started pestering me non-stop.

“It’s just Marco for gods sake Ymir.”

“Why are you being so secretive then? Wait are you guys in a relationship? Oh my- hgnhh! What was that for Eren?” I looked over at Eren, and he was making the slit-throat motion.

“YOU ARE!” Ymir screamed, trying to snatch my phone from me. I held it up above my head, only just out of her reach. The whole class was watching at this point.

“I am not. He is my room mate and I am asking him how Music was.” I said as calmly as I could.

“Whatever. Wait until you’re both drunk and found making out. Then try saying you’re not in a relationship.” she sighed. “And don’t think I didn’t see Eren’s status this morning.” She grinned.

Eren face-palmed very loudly beside me. “You’re screwed now Ymir. Farewell.”

I sighed, and glared at Ymir. “You are very lucky that I have motives, and don’t hit girls. But if you make one more comment on my love-life, you’ll find your corpse being scraped off the floor after I run you over with a bus.”

“Pfft. Whatever. Are you gay anyway?” She sounded genuinely interested. I would have assured her I was straight, but I didn’t know. Recently I’ve found myself caring less about girls than I did in highschool. It’s probably just a phase though. I’m not allowed to be gay anyway. My mother said that I need to bring our family-name into the next generation, but I’m not all that interested in children anyway.

But it doesn’t matter what I think. Besides, next year my father's making me major in Business Studies so I can take over the family company, therefore meaning I must give up on Art and Drama. I probably won’t be going to Trost anymore.

The thought made me shiver. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. My whole body was close to going into shut-down mode, but Ymir brought me back to reality.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

“Oh- I-I’m straight.” I lied. I have no idea what the hell I am.

Remembering Marco’s text, I opened my phone up again.

 

**From: Marco**

Great! :D How did yours go? And what is your teacher like? Mine is really nice! :)

 

Of course, you freckled angel. Perfect grammar and punctuation, not to mention the smilies.

 

**To: Marco**

yeah it went okay i guess. my teacher is scary as hell but gets the job done. erens in my class too hahaha

 

He replied only seconds later.

 

**From: Marco**

Oh dear. You didn’t bully him did you? D:

 

**To: Marco**

the teacher or eren?

 

**From: Marco**

Eren, of course!

 

**To: Marco**

no the teacher did that for me hahahaha you should have been there

 

**From: Marco**

You have to tell me all about it at lunch! My teacher’s back now, and we are finally playing our instruments! See you at lunch! Have fun! :D :P

 

Nooo... don’t go Marco please.

Levi walked back into the classroom, and I shoved my phone back into my jeans pocket. He told us all to get our gear and go up to the next level. I picked my bag up, and walked up the stairs. The Theatre was, in one word, beautiful.

On one side of the room, there was a bag rack with a window above it, looking into the next classroom. On the other side, there was a wall, covered with supplies. I’m talking papers of every type, size and colour. Paintbrushes galore. Huge sets of lead sketching pencils and coloured pencils. Watercolours. Acrylics. Canvases. _Everything._

I was living in my own little heaven.

In the middle of the room, there was a huge circle of stools, easels and wheeled benches. In the middle of the room there was a table, most likely for still objects to sit on so that we could paint them. I was wondering what we were going to paint today when Levi spoke up.

“Today you are allowed to paint whatever you want, but I will be judging your potential. This will not go towards your mark. You may start. You are welcome to use any of the supplies on the wall. Go.”

The class flooded over towards the wall. Meanwhile I stole a seat in the circle, and set up my own items on the benches. I looked up to see if there was any space at the supply wall, but I was drawn to the window into the next classroom. The class next door was walking in there and spreading across the floor to start setting up their instruments. There was a familiar face that headed straight for the piano though.

_Marco._

This is going to be fun. I looked back around, and the supply wall was almost empty of people. I walked over, wheeling my bench with me. I headed straight for the canvases.

Eren was wandering around looking at the selection of paper and frowning.

“You okay dude?” I asked.

“I can’t decide what to draw on. I want something big and sturdy but-”

He was cut off by Levi pushing him to the canvases. Eren just looked questioningly at the professor, and I could see a tinge of red in his cheeks. What is up with him?

Levi motioned towards all the canvases. “Eren, look at all these big-ass canvases. Just choose one.”

Eren reached out and grabbed the one closest to him, A3. I grabbed one of the same kind, and headed back to my position.

I set the canvas up on the easel, and stared at it for a little while. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to draw, so I decided to clear my mind and look back at Marco’s classroom. He was sitting down at the piano pressing the keys gently with beautiful motions, back and forth. He was moving with the music, rocking himself on the seat. It was beautiful to watch.

I then had a stroke of brilliance. I pulled out my phone and started typing out another text for Marco. I looked around for Levi, but he was on the other side of the classroom, cleaning a paint mark off the wall.

 

**To: Marco**

you look like you really love playing the piano

 

I hit send and looked up at him again. He played for another few seconds, then jumped slightly in his seat. I really fought with the laugh threatening to tumble out of my mouth. He pulled his phone of his pocket, abandoning the song he was playing. He sat like that for about five seconds, before lifting his head up really quickly, and looking around.

I poked my head out a bit farther from behind the easel, but he still couldn’t see me.

 

**To: Marco**

the window you dork

 

He looked up from his phone again after receiving my second text. He looked towards the window and met eyes with me. I grinned, which earned a cheeky smile back from him.

 

**From: Marco**

STALKER! :O

 

**To: Marco**

hahahaa!! i actually need ur help though. i dont know what to draw.

 

He shuffled back and forth in his seat a little. He was looking around him, but then suddenly he went red. Why was he going red? Was someone flirting with him? I craned my head to see what he was looking at, but he already had his face in his phone.

 

**From: Marco**

If I give you a suggestion, you can’t make fun of me. Okay?

 

**To: Marco**

i wouldnt do that. try me

 

He flushed up again, but started typing.

 

**From: Marco**

Draw me.

 

My face heated up. It felt like my skin was on fire I was blushing so much. He was looking at me, still a little bit red.

 

**From: Marco**

Are you okay? You look really red… ;)

 

That damn winky face. How dare you. You’re not supposed to flirt with me Freckles. Stop it.

 

**To: Marco**

are you flirting with me freckles?

 

It was his turn to flush up. So worth it.

 

**From: Marco**

Are you okay with drawing me? I want to see how talented you are. Maybe we could hang it up in our room?

 

Oh my gosh. He wasn’t kidding. He legitimately wants me to draw him.

 

**To: Marco**

i guess i could try but dont expect much

 

**From: Marco**

My expectations just rose by about %214.

 

You cheeky bastard.

 

**To: Marco**

okay i will try please dont make fun of me though

 

**From: Marco**

I would never do that. :)

 

I smiled, and got to work. He went back to playing piano. It was my turn to impress him.

 

\----------

 

**To: Marco**

hey look through the window

 

He jumped slightly after receiving my text. Once he read it, he looked up. I read the expressions crossing his face. Shock, amazement, happiness, thankfulness. I couldn’t help but smile.

I had my easel turned around to face him, and he had closed up the piano just to look at it.

I had drawn him from this morning, when he had turned around holding the two cups of coffee in his hands, the earphones in and a huge smile on his face while he sang.

 

**From: Marco**

That is just amazing.

 

I typed out a message, but backspaced it. I could tell him he was amazing. It would sound really gay of me… and I’m straight. Right? I typed out a new message instead.

 

**To: Marco**

Thank you. :)

 

**From: Marco**

Woah! You had a capital letter! And a smiley face? Are YOU flirting with ME Jean?

 

Maybe a little bit.

 

**To: Marco**

No, I just want to try and type normally.

 

**From: Marco**

It doesn’t suit you.

 

He was grinning wickedly at me through the window. I poked my tongue out at him. Eren, who was sitting beside me, gave me a strange look.

 

**To: Marco**

oh thank god that took way too long to type. how do u do it

 

**From: Marco**

You get used to it! :D I’m going downstairs now, so I’ll see you in the cafeteria at lunch!

 

**To: Marco**

okay c u then

 

He got up from the piano, and grabbed his bag. Everyone else had already packed up and was out of the room, so he was the last one left. He met my eye just before he ducked down the stairs. He grinned happily at me, and winked.

Did he seriously just wink?

My face flushed up, and he started laughing. I poked my tongue out at him again as he ran down the stairs.

“Did he just wink at you?” Eren said.

“W-what- no!” Did he just watch that whole thing?

“Oh my god. You like him don’t you?” Eren laughed.

“One; would you like to remember this morning?” Eren cringed. “And two; I’m straight! AND he is my room mate!”

Eren mumbled something under his breath about unrequited love.

“What is it, Eren?”

“Nothing… nothing.” he said. “Wait… let me see your canvas!”

Oh crap. No no no no no _no_.

“DID YOU DRAW HIM? OH MY GOD JEAN YOU GOT IT GOOOOOOD!”

Levi threw Eren an annoyed look from the other side of the room, where he was colour-coding aprons. Eren smiled apologetically.

It was too late for apologies. His outburst had caught the attention of Ymir.

“What was that, Eren?” she asked, running across from her space a few easels over, grinning. She had heard perfectly.

And now, we shall have a demonstration of Ymir being an asshole.

“Jean… that _IS_ a nice drawing of Marco isn’t it?” she smiled devilishly. “That couldn’t have happened right now… did you remember every detail of Marco from when this happened?”

Oh god, she jumped to the correct conclusion fast. It was hard not to notice the halo in Marco’s hair from the early morning light, and the constellations of freckles on his hands and cheeks. It was hard not to notice how amazing he looked this morning. It was hard not to notice how amazing he always looks.

No-homo, Jean. No-homo. Come on dude. Think of Mikasa. Yeah.

“I told you he had it good!” Eren laughed. Shut up dude, or I will commit mass homicide right here right now.

Lucky, the bell ringing signified the end of class. We all packed up and made our way to the cafeteria. I was still holding my canvas, but trying to hide it from prying eyes.

I walked into the cafeteria, and it was packed. There were heaps of people everywhere, but I noticed Bertl’s head over the crowd. Leading the way for Ymir and Eren, we made our way to the far corner of the cafeteria.

Getting closer, I spotted Reiner, Annie, Armin, Mikasa, the match made in heaven, Christa and Marco. Eren ran over, and claimed the seat beside Mikasa. Ymir went over and claimed the spot next to Marco. What?

“What do you think you are doing Ymir?”

“Stealing your boyfriend, what do think I’m doing?” From the opposite side of the table, Reiner snorted coke out of his nose, spraying it all over his unsuspecting boyfriend. Annie smirked. Wow, I guess she does have emotions.

“Get out of the way, you joke.” I spat at Ymir. How dare she steal Marco from me?

“Awww, how adorable. Jean’s jealous.” she laughed evilly. As if to push it even further, she rested her head on Marco’s shoulder. He was looking really uncomfortable now.

“Get off him.” I was getting really mad now. How dare you put poor Freckles in such an awkward position.

“Okay, Ymir. Off.” It was Christa. Oh may God bless her soul, the goddess. “Enough teasing for one day.”

“Tch.” Ymir took her head off Marco’s shoulder much to his relief, and got out of the chair. I immediately took my rightful place beside him.

“Sorry…” I mumbled.

“I-it’s fine…” he was quite flustered. I’m gonna get Ymir back for that one.

Lunch went by smoothly, and before we knew it, it was time to get packed up to go to Drama. Marco was in my class, so hopefully it would be more bearable. Turns out Eren’s in our Drama class as well. Damn it.

“Hey, can we quickly go back to the dorm before Drama?” I asked hopefully.

“Yeah, sure!” he replied happily. “Why?”

I nudged the canvas against his leg. “Need to get this some place safe. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Okay, lets go now! We don’t want to be late. Who’s our teacher again?”

“Professor Levi, the same one I have for art.”

“Ooh… you’re going to have to warn me what he’s like before class starts.” And with that, we picked up our stuff and left the EC towards Rose Tower.

 

\----------

 

Marco and I dropped the picture off at our dorm room (him praising me endlessly, and making me promise to draw more pictures to decorate our room with. I gave in eventually. It’s hard to say no to Marco).

Drama was really boring it turned out. The first half was when we had to watch a video and take notes on camera angles and other things. Boring boring _boring_.

The second half was a lot more fun. Levi told us to all get into groups of 5 and start doing impromptu work. Eren, Sasha, Connie, Marco and I all acted out a funeral, where Marco was dead and I was the preacher. We were all acting really melodramatic, and I kept saying stuff like;

“Marco, how did this happen?”

“Can someone tell me how he died?”

It was really funny. Marco made an awful corpse though. He couldn’t stop laughing, especially when Eren claimed that he was dying, multiple times.

I might actually be able to cope with drama this year.

  
\----------

 

Before we even knew it, the first week of lessons was over, and it was Thursday. Connie and Sasha were out on a date somewhere, and said they weren’t coming back until the next day. So Marco and I decided to have a huge party… on the internet.

“Looking forward to Ymir’s party?” I asked Marco, while we were lazing around at 6pm, scrolling through Tumblr and sending each other links to funny posts.

“I don’t know. It’s going to be my first party, and I’ve never even been drunk before so-”

“YOU’VE NEVER BEEN DRUNK?”

“N-no…” Marco stammered. He seemed quite sheepish about the whole topic. I couldn’t believe it. 19 years old, and never been drunk. Crazy. Then I had a plan.

“Do you trust me?” I asked.

“Of course!”

“Do you want to go and buy some vodka and beer and stuff, and I’ll teach you how to do the whole lot… you know… beer pong… tequila shots…”

“Okay!” Marco seemed excited. So quick to accept getting drunk with me. Hmmm…

“Let’s get pissed.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole next chapter will be them getting drunk and Ymir’s house party. So basically it is drunk, drunk and a little bit more drunk. FUN!!!
> 
> Hope you are all enjoying!! I’m getting heaps of great feedback on Tumblr and in the comments, so I thank you all so much!!!
> 
> Once again, I am tracking the tag #fanficopenyoureyes on tumblr, so go there if you are interested!! I will be drawing up some of the scenes from these past chapter, so look forward to that!!!
> 
> Also, please feel free to post your own stuff up on there, I love seeing fanart and feedback!!! <33 I will also reblog anything that I see on there, so there's that too XD
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at @freckledjeankirschtein
> 
> Hope you like this chapter, and please leave reviews and kudos!! It means so much to me when I see people are enjoying my writing. I have been spending all of my spare time doing this, so it means a lot to me. 
> 
> Thank you!!


	5. Our Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Marco get REALLY drunk… and something happens that triggers a thought in Jean. Jean gets a call from someone, and is forced to attend a dinner. And then Ymir’s party… where a special song plays, and Marco has an idea… which makes Jean a blushing mess. Also NO-HOMO moments… on a different scale. Enjoy!

“Waking up strong in the morning, walking in a straight line. Lately I’m a desperate believer, but walking in a straight line!”

-Straight Line, Silverchair

**  
  
**

Sure, it is illegal to drink at the age of 19 in Trost, but we had to! If it was going to happen at Ymir’s party, then Marco had to be prepared. He needed to experience a hangover, what it felt like to be drunk, and that stupid drink that Eren was addicted to and made everyone take at every party known in existence. He needed to BE DRUNK.

So we drove to Gunthers.

Gunther had supplied me with every type of alcohol I needed since I was 15. I owed him a lifetime. The alcohol I got of Gunther had fueled my very existence. It was him that made sure I had human contact. Simply by selling me the booze.

I made sure to get enough of everything to fuel Marco and I for the night, and also for Ymir’s party. The only beer she could get hold of was home brewed, and it tasted like cat piss. I was not going to cope with that for the night.

We grabbed 5 bottles of extremely strong vodka, heaps of beer of all kinds, and a whole heap of energy drinks for the shots and other cocktails. We were going to have a great night.

“One of the things you need to be most prepared for is the music.” I said. Marco was driving us back to the dorms, we had just filled the back of his car with the booze. He was driving very carefully… obviously scared about the police finding him.

“What’s so bad about the music?”

“Everything. When you are drunk, your music taste completely changes.” There was a huge gasp from the driver’s seat, and I had to stifle my laughter. “Every song will sound amazing to you, and depending on the song, you will do some pretty strange things to suit the music.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You will dance like a lunatic, you will act really seductively, that sort of thing. Say, if a loud dubstep song comes on, you will dance like a chimp on drugs. It will be funny, but you will fit in with the crowd. If there is a slow song on, you will probably accidentally make-out with the person next to you. Luckily for you, they will probably forget the next morning anyway.”

“Getting drunk sounds exceptionally dangerous, but really REALLY fun.” He was shaking. I couldn’t tell if it was because he was scared and nervous, or if he was excited.

“Also… hope you don’t mind me prying too deep here…” he grunted, as if to say he didn’t care. “... have you ever kissed someone before?”

There was a sharp intake of breath, and I had to take that as a ‘no’. It didn’t really faze me that much.

“Okay.” I breathed. “Looks like you’ll probably accidentally have your first kiss at Ymir’s.”

“But I don’t want to give my first kiss to anyone.” he whined. “You need to make sure I don’t do anything I’ll regret the next morning.”

“I’ll try… just warning you I’ll probably be drunk already… but I’ll try.”

“Thank you for doing this for me.”

“I’m not just doing this for you, to be honest. I’m doing it for me as well. I haven’t been drunk in ages, and I am feeling kind of deprived.” I sighed dramatically. “Not to mention I can’t wait to be the first person to see you drunk.” I grinned.

“If I do or say anything embarrassing it stays between us.”

“Sure.” I agreed. “But only if it is the same for me.”

I have done some pretty stupid things under the influence. Trying to kiss Bertl was definitely up there. I don’t really enjoy getting winded by Reiner.

“Back to the music.” I said. I don’t really want to remember my previous acts of stupidity. “You will like the sound of anything. I have Ymir’s party playlist on my iPod, so I’ll play that for you once we reach the dorms.”

“Should I be worried?” he said.

“Yes. Prepare yourself for the worst.”

\----------

“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?” he shouted. “IS SHE SERIOUS?”

I was in fits. He was screaming at the top of his lungs about how bad Ymir’s taste in music was. We hadn’t even started drinking yet.

**“THIS SONG SOUNDS LIKE IT'S DRUNK AS IT IS.”**

I reminded myself to make sure that got a video of him dancing madly to DJ Snake. This was not going to be a night to forget.

“The only acceptable song on this playlist is Rather Be.” he mumbled. When he saw Jess Glynne on the playlist  he was smiling like an idiot. He loved the song. He was going on and on about how great it was. I liked it too, but I couldn’t let anyone know that. It was my secret pleasure.

“So are we going to get drunk or not?” he asked. He was jumping up and down on each foot in turn, the dork. He just looked so happy though, I wasn’t going to say anything against it.

“Let’s start off easy.” I said, grabbing a beer from some random six-pack. I didn’t even look at the label before I downed a quarter of it. “Ahh, sweet release.” I mumbled.

Marco took a beer for himself, and sipped a little bit. His face instantly contorted. I choked laughing, and downed some more of my beer. He took another sip, and held back the coughing.

It was hilarious to watch Marco’s first encounter with beer. “Wait until you take a tequila shot!” I laughed.

“Can we try that now?” he asked. Is he serious? That is some heavy stuff! And I don’t even know if we have any lemons.

“Hang on.” I said, walking over to the kitchen. I sifted through the draw holding our limited supply of fruit and vegetables, but found some limes. That would have to do. I cut them into pieces and grabbed some salt from the pantry, and walked back to the sofa where Marco was watching intently. I looked over at my beer on the coffee table, and beside it was an empty bottle.

“Have you already finished your beer?”

“Yep! Bring on the tequila!” Wow, the guy is fast paced.

“Follow what I do.” I said. I grabbed two shot glasses from my small collection I had grabbed off Gunther, and made two tequila shots. I then licked my hand, and then put some salt on it. He followed what I did, and then looked at me for the next step.

“What we are going to do, is lick the salt off our hand, down the tequila shot-” I nodded towards the shot he was now holding in his hand “-and then suck the lime.” He nodded slightly. He looked nervous now.

“3… 2… 1…” I licked my hand, Marco following me, and then downed the shot. I quickly grabbed a lime piece and sucked it. I looked over at Marco beside me, and he was sucking the lime, but somehow smiling at the same time.

“It tastes so good!” he laughed, pulling the lime out. “Let’s have another one!”

And that is how we ended up taking 4 tequila shots… each.

“Let’s have a drinking game now!” he laughed. He was dancing to some song by some artist… but I could tell it was one he wouldn’t have danced to before.

“Never Have I Ever!”

“YES! I know how to play this one! So you just drink instead of admitting?”

“Basically! I’ll go first! Never Have I Ever… eaten a raw egg!”

“NOPE!” he laughed. He was tipsy. The shots hadn’t even hit yet! “Okay… Never Have I Ever… kissed someone!”

“NOT FAIR!” he was cheating, but I wasn’t going to say anything about it. I took a sip of my second beer, while he laughed maniacally. I could tell he was going to get drunk before me. I was more used to drinking… he was very inexperienced. I was only slightly tipsy… so that meant that I would truly witness Marco’s drunk form.

“Never Have I Ever… been seen naked by my parents!” I laughed.

He took a sip from his beer, and started laughing again… which only ended in him coughing madly. “How dirty are we allowed to be?” he asked.

The question was quite surprising to me… I didn’t think he could be even slightly dirty…

“As dirty as you want! But I don’t think you could-”

“NEVER HAVE I EVER JACKED OFF!”

I jumped about a mile in the air. That was very unexpected. To make him laugh I chugged my whole beer. He was rolling around on the floor in tears while I finished it.

“I didn’t expect that from you Marco!” I laughed. “Never Have I Ever…”

I had to think of a good one. I could let him beat me! This one had to be really good. Then it came to me…

“Never Have I Ever had a hard one for a boy!” I smiled cheekily. I couldn't wait to see his reply.

“That’s not fair!” he gasped, downing his entire beer. Marco… had a boner… for a guy? How wasn’t it fair? Then it hit me.

“Are you… gay?”

“Yeah!” he laughed. Then, as if realising what he just said, his face reddened deeply. “A-are you okay with that?”

YES. YES I AM.

Wait… why am I so okay with it? It’s just Marco… and he is allowed to be gay. Right? Wait. What if he liked someone…? But that doesn’t matter. He is allowed to like someone as well. But… who?

“Your turn!” I said, interrupting my internal monologue.

“Never Have I Ever… watched porn!”

“Oh my God Marco!” I laughed, without taking a sip. That stuff sounds gross. As if I would watch it. Finally, my turn. “Never Have I Ever had a crush on the opposite sex this year.”

“That was oddly specific.” he laughed, but he took a sip. HE TOOK A SIP.

“WHO?” I asked… okay, shouted.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” he said, seriously.

Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me.

“Yes I would! So… spill. It had better not be Eren.” If he liked Eren I would cry myself to sleep for the rest of my life.

“It isn’t Eren.”

“Who?”

“You’ll have to get me more drunk if you want to find that out!” he laughed evilly.

“That reminds me! You need to try the Jagerbomb!”

“The what?”

“The Jagerbomb. It’s when you put a shot glass of Jagermeister into a Red Bull or something, and then you chug the whole thing! You need to experience these! Eren is addicted to them, since they have his last name in it, and he makes everyone take one at every party.”

“Okay! Sounds fun!” He grabbed two huge glasses, and filled them up with a can of Red Bull each. I poured the Jagermeister into two shot glasses, and then dropped one into each glass of Red Bull. Marco took his glass and lifted it to his lips.

“Go!”

We chugged the whole thing in one. It was hard though, I’m not going to lie. It was like a normal Red Bull to start off with, then the Jager hit you. And it hit you hard.

I finished mine and looked over at Marco. To say he looked slightly green would be an understatement. I could tell what was about to happen.

We both dropped our glasses on the table at the same time, and I grabbed his wrist and rushed him to the toilet. The second I opened the door, he was kneeling over the bowl and hacking up everything inside of him. He was going to have a killer hangover the next morning.

After about 5 minutes of retching, Marco hopped back up, and laughed. Wow, quick recovery much.

“Listen!” he shouted in my ear. We made our way back out to the sofa, and heard Rather Be playing. The shots had hit me, and the music sounded distant. It was definitely there though.

“Dance!” Marco shouted, grabbing my hand. He spun me around, and then did some type of dance that looked like a mixture between the water sprinkler and giving birth to an elephant. I probably looked just as dumb, waving my hands in the air and spinning around in a circle while jumping.

Suddenly, Marco grabbed my arm and pulled me up really close to him. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and something inside me stirred. What was he doing…?

With a rush of movement, he had spun me around again, and it felt like the world was trying to suck me into the very depths of hell. Marco stopped abruptly, and then did something a little bit unexpected.

He hugged me, really close, and buried his face in my neck. I could feel his breath on my neck, and there was a rush of blood to my head.

“M-Marco… what are you-?”

“Let it happen.” he whispered into my ear.

“OhmygodwhatareyoudoingtomethisisreallyweirdyoushouldstopyouwillregretthisIcantell-” the words where coming out in an unintelligible mumble, and he probably couldn’t hear me over the music anyway.

With a wave of energy, I was pushed backwards onto the couch, my back crashing into the springs. Marco fell on top of me with an ‘ompff’.

I opened my eyes slowly, and he was straddling my hips.

“M-Marco…” I couldn’t help but stammer. “What are you doing?”

He shook his head, and then looked down, his eyes wide. “Oh my God… I’m so sorry!” he shuffled off my hips, and landed on the ground with a thud. “I AM SO SORRY.”

“What just happened?” I asked him, but he wasn’t replying. He had curled up into a ball, and was lying on the ground sobbing. I felt my heart break a little bit, and then I realised two things.

One being that I had caused him breaking down like this. Two… I didn’t want it to stop there.

A small churning in the pits of my stomach had started, and I was feeling sick.

“Be right back.” I said to Marco.

And then I vomited in the toilet. A lot. Afterwards, I just sat there on the ground, and cried for what felt like years. I don’t know why I was crying, but something big had occurred to me… and it was life changing.

I like Marco Bodt.

I had always been as straight as a plank. I had liked Mikasa for years. It stopped last year, but I had still liked her. Then I tried to work out why it had stopped.

I remember when I found myself not caring about what was under the clothes for girls anymore. I didn’t care about how Mikasa felt towards me, and I stopped caring about girls overall. I thought it was just a faze. Obviously it wasn’t.

Suddenly, my actions over the course of this past week made sense. The endless doodles of him in my sketchbook, the accidental staring, the canvases all over the walls in our room, drawings of photo we had taken of each other. The feeling deep in my chest whenever he talked or looked at me, it all made sense.

I had a panic attack. I would say I was used to them… but I am not. Never will be. The shaking and convulsing was inevitable whenever I became too overcome with emotion, and this time the emotion was one that I was familiar with, but one I hated the most. Fear.

Fear of him hating me. Fear of my father finding out. Fear of anyone finding out. I was caught in the deep end, and I was sinking fast. I remembered Marco out in the front room, and decided to deal with the recent updates here and now. It was the most I could do for him. I walked out there, holding back the hiccuping. He was still curled up in a fetal position beside the couch.

I walked over, grabbing a blanket from on the couch. I curled myself into a burrito of emotions, and took my rightful place beside Marco, and we sat there like that for a bit. I don’t how long it lasted, but when Marco broke the silence, I was worried. Please don’t hate me. We can go back to what we were doing- no. Stop.

“A-are you o-okay?” he asked. Ah, Marco. Ever the hero. Stop making sure I’m okay, and let me comfort you for once. You adorable, idiotic dork.

“I’m fine…” my voice faltered slightly, and I was shaking again. Pull yourself together Jean! “Are you okay?”

“I’m so sorry-”

“Stop apologising.”

It must have come out as harsh, and he looked at me with a worried expression and then broke down in tears again. “I don’t know what c-came over me… i-it must have been the al… alc…”

“Alcohol.”

“Yeah.” he sniffled, and it was heartbreaking to see him so emotional. “I think we should stop drinking.” he sighed.

“Yeah, that wouldn’t be such a bad idea." Sorry Marco, but I'm not stopping. I want to forget this. "Do you want to play a game?” I knew exactly what game I wanted to play, and it would be this game that made him laugh, and this game that would possibly end our friendship.

“Sure.” he was smiling already. Oh, I missed that smile. Please don’t cry ever again Marco. He wiped his cheeks, and sat up properly. Our elbows brushed, and there was a zap that echoed through my skin, and he shivered slightly. I saw that he was cold, so I lightly untucked by emotional burrito (as it was now officially dubbed) and wrapped part of it around him. He gave a thankful smile. “What game?”

“Truth or Truth.” I said, to which he laughed lightly. “It is a lot like Truth or Dare, except you take the dare and replace it with truth.” Oh my God Jean. What was that explanation? I think it is just the alcohol speaking now…

He was laughing though, so I thought I could get away with it. “Let’s make the rules simple, we take it in turn to ask each other any truth we want, and then we have to answer it… well, truthfully.” He nodded, agreeing. “How about we have one more beer first, just to lighten the mood.” And forget everything. He laughed, and reached over the over up another six pack. He handed me a beer, and then took one for himself. “Chugging Competition! GO!”

Marco won. By far. I was coughing and spluttering into my bottle, his abrupt outburst causing me to laugh. We finished our beers, and then I got up to put them back on the table, and turn the music up a bit. 'Tequila'. The world renown drinking song. Ugh. May the Lord in the Heavens above shoot me through the heart with his laser vision.

I walked back over to Marco, and fell back beside him. He was rocking slightly to the music, definitely drunk. You had to be drunk to enjoy this song. “Do you want to go first?” I asked him.

“Sure! If you were marooned on an island with anyone, who would you want it to be?” he asked, grinning.

“You.” I didn’t hesitate. My answer earned a cheeky grin from him, and a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks. Must be the alcohol. Sadly.

“Do you like someone right now?” I asked. I was just cutting to the chase. I needed to know this. He nodded, and my heart faltered. “WHO?” I have to know this Marco… please tell me. I have lost all my dignity. Stupid alcohol.

“Last time I checked it was my turn!” he said laughing. I whined, but let him ask his question.

“Do you like someone?” he asked. I couldn’t say no… that would be lying. I couldn’t lie. I had to keep control of my tongue. The alcohol had completely taken over my filters and I was worried I might let something slip.

“Yes.” I murmured, and his eyes went wide. “But I can’t tell you who.” I added, as a last resort. He looked like he was about to complain, but his face suddenly changed and showed a huge smirk.

“Well, to be fair, that means I won’t tell you who I like.”

God _damn_ it!

“Fine.” I sighed. My lips were pursed, and I was quite obviously pissed. “My question for you is… what do you find attractive in a boy?” This was quite a good question, and I was proud of myself.

“Well, I like for them to know who they are.” Right… I am Jean Kirschtein, and I am a douche bag. Continue. “They need to have a sense of belonging, and know- and know that they belong.” His beer had hit. He was drunk, so I might be able to get more out of him. Strange how a conversation can change in the space of seconds. “I also want for them to like food. Food is important in every relationship.” His words were slurring now. But food, I’m safe. “I also like nice boys.”

Crap. Well. I guess I’m off Marco ‘possible boyfriends’ list.

He smiled at me knowingly, and then took a deep breath. “They also need to be special to me.”

Am I special to Marco? He is definitely special to me… but that doesn’t mean that he returns the feeling. I might be special to him… I mean, if he is choosing to drink himself drunk with me, for the first time in his life…. I would have to mean something to him, right?

Liking people is so confusing. Why did I choose to partake in this?

Wait, I didn’t.

Marco was staring at me strangely, his eyes wide and mouth lolling open slightly. The low-light of the main room had left a halo in his hair, shining brightly against his hair. I had been staring back at him for a while, when he grinned.

“We should get some sleep.” he said. “Not that I want to, but I think I am getting an ache head- hake head- head ache?”

He was staring quizzically at the ceiling now, a frown on his face. He is such a dork. He doesn’t down his alcohol too well, but he wasn’t slurring as much as me.

“Yeah, let’s sleep.” I said, laughing.

We made our way to our bedroom, leaning against walls to stop ourselves from falling over. As soon as the door opened, nausea hit me, and I walked to the closest bed, and collapsed. Marco grunted slightly. “I see how it’s gonna work.” he laughed. I felt him collapse beside me, but I was already asleep.

\----------

I woke up the next morning, my eyes glued together from the sleep, and the weight of a migraine on my head. I sighed, and decided that I could get away with more sleep. I buried my head into some really nice smelling, soft hair, and was about to sleep again- when I noticed.

His back was pressed against my chest, and I was leaning into his hair. I had my hand draped over his waist, and my legs tangled up in his own.

“Marco?!”

He grunted slightly, but turned around to look me in the eyes. “Gurdmerning”

“Holy- oh my God-” I tried to disentangle myself from him, but he closed his hand around my waist, and pressed his hand into the small of my back. “Relax” he whispered. “You are the one who fell asleep in my bed anyway.”

Oh. That’s why I could smell vanilla.

“Am I allowed to continue sleeping here for a few hours?” I asked.. well okay, mumbled.

“Sure.” he said smiling. I pressed myself back into him, and dozed out without another thought about how the morning might start.

\----------

“ARE YOU TWO ALIVE OR NOT?”

I grumbled a reply… something about a hangover and not wanting to socialize. Marco eventually woke me up completely though, and whispered into my ear.

“Sasha and Connie are back! We have to get up! We haven’t cleaned up from last night… and we kinda…” he motioned to the mess that was our limbs tangled together in the sheets.

“Holy crap we are so screwed.” I rolled out of bed, and majestically fell in a bundle of body parts and sheets on the ground.

I pulled a clean shirt over my head, my other one was sweat covered and smell like Marco mixed with vodka. Now that’s my type of drink.

“I don’t think this matters any more.” I groaned. I pulled my pants down in front of him, and changed into a new pair of sweatpants. I wasn’t going to do the skinny jeans dance in front of Marco. I was already half naked.

Marco didn’t hesitate to do the same, and I watched on as he got changed. No shame, Jean. You have no shame. He didn’t know I was watching though, his back was turned. Once he was done though, he turned back around and I saw ‘Marco with a Hangover’. Otherwise known as ‘hot-mess’. In both senses. He was wearing sweatpants, exactly like me, and an oversized Nirvana shirt. _Damn._

“Let’s face them.” he said. We may as well have been dressed to go into a war, because that’s what it was going to be. We slowly walked out to the main room, and saw Connie and Sasha wandering around the room, their mouths gaping. I was about to laugh at them, but then I noticed the mess we had left behind. There were beer bottles strewn everywhere, and shot glasses covered the tables. Music was still playing, and I couldn’t find the source. Limes and salt left patches on the ground and couch. I looked over at Marco, and he looked accomplished. I looked back at the mess, and a disgusted looking Armin was walking out of the toilet.

“There is vomit all over the floor.” he stated, and shaking his head, he made his way to the sink and washed his hands. Oops, that may have been me.

Eren walked out of our study, and then looked over at me. “Two things dude. One, you have an Xbox AND a Playstation? And two, what is up with you? What happened last night?”

I questioned my sexuality, I thought to myself.

“We got drunk.” Marco said from beside me. He was bearing a huge grin, and he seemed so much more alive.

“You don’t say.” Connie sighed.

“It was the best.” Marco smiled, ignoring Connie. I nodded in agreement, and we high-fived.

“Good morning everyone. Eren, Armin.” Marco nodded towards them. “Connie, where is the Panadol?”

“The cupboard above the toaster.” Connie sighed. He looked about 104 per cent done. It was hilarious. Sasha seemed not to care, she just sipped from a random vodka bottle, and then lay down on the partially ruined couch. Armin and Eren had no idea what to do. “We should clean this up before we do anything.” Connie stated, picking up a blanket.

“Agreed.” Armin stated.

It took us about an hour to clean up the mess, me being in charge of the toilet. Disgusting. Guess I missed the bowl in my state of drunkeness.

Once we had finished, Armin and Eren left, saying something about shopping. Sasha said she had to go back to the dorm she was sharing with Annie and Mikasa. So Marco, Connie and I sat down and played Halo for a few hours. And that was how I was planning to spend all of Friday, recovering from a hangover, and slaying my best friend on Halo.

\----------

“Jean, your phones ringing.”

I reached over and looked at the screen. Why is HE calling me? I don’t want to talk to him today! I don’t want to talk to him for as long as humanly possible. I had to answer though, I don’t want to deal with the wrath.

“Hello, Father.”

Please don’t make me please don’t make me I don’t want to deal with this please don’t…

“Français.”

“Please, I’m with friends-”

“Vous parlez français dans cette famille, Jean. Parlez maintenant.” _You speak French in this family, Jean. Now speak._

I sighed dramatically, and cleared my throat. Accent time. “Désolé, père. Pourquoi appelez-vous?” _Sorry, Father. Why are you calling?_

Connie laughed. He knew that if I was speaking French into a phone, it normally meant I was in trouble. Marco on the other hand looked stunned.

“Votre mère vient à la maison ce soir.” _Your mother is coming home tonight._

“Ah, celui est grand. Dites-lui I dit salut.” _Oh, that’s great. Tell her I said hi._

I am going to get in some trouble with this level of sass. Doesn’t matter. Marco is still looks like he is having a miniature heart attack. I am quite surprised he didn’t know I was French. What with my name and family. I guess you don’t hear much about the rich Trost families in Jinae.

“Vous devez venir à la maison et la saluer pour le dîner. Aururo vient pour vous prendre à deux, et vous devez porter vos vêtements de dîner. Quelques amis à moi importants nous joindront pour le dîner.”  _You are to come home and greet her for dinner. Aururo is coming to pick you up at two, and you must be wearing your dinner clothes. Some important friends of mine shall be joining us for dinner._

Oh crap. Why did this have to happen to me?

“Je dois venir? Je suis réellement occupé ce soir…” _Do I have to come? I am actually busy tonight…_

Lies. All lies. I just don’t want to be in your presence.

“Vous venez, que vous l'aimiez ou pas. Et vous devriez être prêt. Au revoir.” _You are coming whether you like it or not. And you had better be ready. Goodbye._

“Au rev-” He had already hung up. And now I was forced to go to yet another fancy dinner party. “Au, revior.” I threw my phone on the floor in a rage, and stared at it like I had the power of setting things on fire with my mind. “Ce qui si je ne veux pas aller à votre dîner stupide? Je ne veux pas être ignoré toute la nuit. Ce n'est ainsi pas-”

“You are still speaking in French Jean.” Connie interrupted. Marco was stock still.

“Sorry. Marco?” Marco looked up suddenly, and then grinned.

“You’re bilingual?”

“Uh, yeah… apparently.”

“You have to teach me.” he said. “That is so cool. You have to teach me French so that we can like talk in it in front of other people and they won’t know what we are saying but we do… ohmigosh.”

Marco was acting as if he had just been offered a puppy. “I’ll teach you once I get back from this stupid dinner my dad’s forcing me into.” His face instantly fell.

“When are you coming back?”

“Tomorrow. Sometime in the morning. If my dad is holding a dinner with friends, I am forced to stay up for the night, and watch them get drunk. I have to speak in French to people I don’t care about… wear crappy suits… WAIT. Connie! What’s the time?”

“1:45.”

“CRAP. I need to go and get into that stupid suit and be ready to be picked up-” I walked out of the room, and Marco quickly got up and followed me.

“I need to see you in a suit. It is vital.” Marco was laughing. Was this a joke to him? Suits are freaking uncomfortable!

I went into my room, and pulled out the suit my father made me pack. I shrugged it on unwillingly, and walked out of the room. Marco was leaning against the wall on his phone, and looked up when I emerged.

“You look great!” he said.

“I look like a phony more like. Help me with my tie.” he walked up, and started lacing it together. He knew how to do it, which surprised me. I hadn’t learnt even after years of practise. He needs to stop being so perfect.

He had finished, but still lingered close as he tightened it up to my neck. He hands were working so carefully on it, and freckles were covering his knuckles. These were the hands that covered the corners of my papers, my notebooks. He had no idea just how much I really drew him. It was better it stayed that way. I looked up at him, and his eyes met mine.

His eyes were the colour of dark wood, and they appeared textured. I scanned his face, and for a second my eyes lingered on his lips… the lovely pale pink they were, and the way they could so easily twist into a smile. I looked back up at his eyes, and they were scanning me.

I felt his hands move from their position on my tie to my chest, and they pushed me lightly against the wall behind me. His lips were looming closer to my own, and it was so close. I closed my eyes, and-

“Wow Jean! Haven’t seen you in a tux since primary graduation!”

It was Connie. Marco leapt off me and landed on the opposite wall. His eyes met mine, but quickly shifted to look over at Connie, and give him a dirty look. Or in Marco’s case, he squished up his face so he looked like an adorable pug.

An adorable pug who I swear was just about to make-out with me against a wall.

I could kill Connie right now.

“OH! IT’S 2:10! I NEED TO GO! BYE!” I yelled, and ran out the door. I had to get out of there before I either stabbed Connie or accidentally shoved my tongue down Marco’s throat. I ran out to the parking lot, and saw the Mercedes waiting. One of the many cars my father owns. I can never keep track of them. I hopped in, and Aururo instantly started the engine.

“You are late.”

Shut up. I already know that. Now how about you just drive so that we get there in time? It is prime time for traffic at the moment, so we are probably going to be late anyway.

I relaxed, and mentally prepared myself for the night.

\----------

“Jean shall be majoring in business next year.” my father stated proudly. Little did he know that I had no intention whatsoever of living up to his expectations. I have to though. It’s part of the ‘family rules and regulations’ or whatever the hell he calls them. The chatter had been like this for about 3 hours now. My mother arrived an hour after I got back, and I haven’t spoken a work directly at my father yet. Hopefully it stays that way. My mother on the other hand wanted to know how school was going, but more if I was going to quit art and drama anytime soon. I kept on telling her I was going to get an arts degree, but she would always just laugh and say that ‘no I wasn’t’.

After a while we retreated to the coffee room or, as dubbed by me, the drinking room. My father already appeared to be slightly tipsy, and the four business men that were attending dinner with us were long gone. They were doing the whole ‘googly eyes’ thing at my mother, who shamelessly flirted back. I was so done with this. So I did what I did best. Act. I curled up over myself, and groaned really loudly.

“Jean, honey, are you alright?” one of the maids asked. The maids were better parents to me than my actual parents.

“No, I’m feeling really sick.”

“I’ll tell Master Kirschtein that you aren’t feeling well. Go up to your quarters and get some rest.” I thanked her, and trudged up the stairs to my bedroom. Once I was out of everyone's view, I ran to my bedroom and shut the door. I was not coming out until it was time to leave the next morning. I was so done with my family. I dozed off before long.

\----------

**From: Marco**

Jean?

**From: Marco**

Please be awake.

**From: Marco**

I need help.

**From: Marco**

Helppppppppp :”(

I rubbed my eyes, and looked over at my clock. 1am. What could possibly be so bad for Marco to be texting me at this time in the morning?

**To: Marco**

dude r u okay? whats wrong?

**From: Marco**

They are being really LOUD

**To: Marco**

who? how?

**From: Marco**

Connie and Sasha. They forgot I was home. And the walls are really thin. :’(

Oh my God. Connie, Sasha, really? That is just plain rude! Marco can’t cope with this on his own.

**To: Marco**

coming. c u soon ;)

I don’t know why I added the winky face on the end, but it felt like a winky face moment… I don’t know.

I listened carefully, and heard nothing. My parents must have gone to bed, and the others left. I carefully got up, and got my things together. Then I had to work out how to get out of the house. Going down the stairs wasn’t an option… it would be way too loud, and almost all of them were creaky. I sighed, and realised the only other option. I had to go out the window.

I walked over to my window, and leaned out, checking the distance. It was about a 3 metre drop. I could make that. I took off my suit jacket, so I was just wearing my button up and and tie. I took off the stupid pants, and put on a pair of old skinny jeans. I looked like a runaway.

I technically was.

I went back to the window, and dropped a small bag down, which had my phone, charger, iPod, wallet and keys in it. I listened carefully, to see if there was any disturbance from inside. Nothing. So I jumped.

I landed quite roughly, but landed nonetheless. I held back a groan as I felt a searing pain in my ankle. It was fine though, since I could walk. So walk I did. The garage was on the opposite side of the house, so I made my way through the garden. When I got to the garage, I was greeted with the sight of my baby. My sleek black Lotus Elise. Hell yeah!

I got in, dropping the bag in the seat beside me. Starting up the engine, there was a nice purr. I rolled out of the garage, and down the road before the engine woke my parents. Time to go to Marco.

\----------

I got there in record time, half an hour. The roads were empty, and not a cop car to be seen. I may have gone a few miles over the speed limit. But I was in one piece. So there.

I knocked lightly on the door to our bedroom, and then entered. Marco was sitting on my bed, shaking.

“I’m sorry. You bed was further away from the wall.” he said, still shaking uncontrollably. Then I heard it.

“Sashaaaaaa”

It came out as a moan, and Marco shivered. I went over to him, and curled up beside him on my bed. “I’m sorry I made you come out here at this time.”

“It was my choice. You didn’t ask.” I said, grinning at him.

“Thank you.” he said, resting his head on my shoulder. I buried my nose in his hair, and inhaled. Vanilla. My new favourite scent.

“Let’s try and sleep.” I said. I shuffled, and lay down on my pillow. Marco was looking reluctantly at his bed. “You can sleep here if you want?”

“Thanks Jean.” he lay down beside me, about an inch between us. It only took 5 minutes before he was curling into my body, and me into his.

\----------

I woke up the next morning in a fluster. Apart from the fact that it wasn’t actually the morning, I found it strange waking up in the same bed as Marco. I loved it though… turning over and seeing his face first thing, and the way he smiles while he dreams, and squishes up his nose if you try and wake him up. I love how his greetings would come out as a mumble, how he would curl into me again and not want to get up… I think loved Marco. The simple way that he would be all snuggly in the morning... burying himself in my shirt and groaning when I told him to get up.

It was as if we were already in a relationship... the way that we would wake up wrapped around each other.

It wasn't even awkward, and I looked forward to it.

I was falling for him, and fast. I had been falling for him since the start. I just never realised. It took only a week.

We got up and dressed, and then went out to the kitchen. Connie was already up, and wearing the most extravagant shirt on the face of the Earth. It was rainbow, and had ‘ **PARTY TIME** ’ written across the front.

“Good! You’re up! Sasha going to arrive any second now-”

And then Sasha bounded around the corner and landed in Connie arms. Typical, she was wearing a carbon copy of Connie’s shirt. They need to get a room.

_Wait._

“GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?” Sasha didn’t look very pleased about me and Marco’s getup. You need to go above and beyond to please Sasha. “WAIT! I have the perfect shirts for you two!”

“Do we have to wear them?” I sighed. Marco was face-palming beside me.

“YES.” Sasha yelled. How could she be so awake? “I will pay you to wear them!”

“Really?” Marco, please don’t agree to this… Sasha was nodding wildly, and Marco was grinning from ear to ear.

I turned to look at him, “You’ll regret this.”

“We’ll do it!” Marco said, offering a hand to Sasha. She shook it, and then took off for her dorm. “What have I gotten myself into?” Marco asked, turning to me. I was looking at Connie though. He knew what she was getting.

“She was going to waiting until Christmas to give these to you guys!” Connie was laughing madly. “When she saw you together for the first time, she thought… doesn’t matter. You’ll see.”

Sasha came back a few minutes later, bearing two pieces of cloth… and they were rainbow. I could instantly see where this was going.

She held up the cloth, which turned out to be shirts. They were so rainbow it almost burned my eyes, but then I caught sight of the bold black writing on the front…

They were matching rainbow ‘ **No-Homo** ’ shirts.

Connie and Sasha were killing themselves laughing. Marco shrugged and went over. He stole one of the shirts from Sasha’s hands, and swapped out the one he was wearing. He threw the other shirt to me. Reluctantly, I tried it on.

“Please don’t fit, please don’t fit, please don’t fit…” I cursed. It fit perfectly. Marco came over and stood beside me. He looked completely and utterly _done_.

“You guys look 200 per cent gay right now!” Connie shrieked. “It’s perfect!” He snapped a photo on his phone, and laughed.

We sat down and had breakfast, Poptarts- the usual. Sasha and Connie were bragging about how drunk they were going to get tonight, and Marco and I tried to keep up with the conversation. He had been silent ever since he put the shirt on. “I am so sorry I got you into this.” I said low enough that only Marco could hear me. He sighed.

“It was my fault, I agreed to it.” he said, sadly. “Do you really feel so bad wearing the shirt?” he asked softly.

“Well, it’s not my cup of tea, but I think it will be a hit nonetheless. At least you are wearing the matching one.” I said smiling. He grinned, and I realised what I just said. “L-like… at least it's not… I dunno _Eren_ or something.. like… no-homo.”

“Do you realise how ironic that is?” he laughed. “And really, _no-homo_? Like… not even a _little_ bit homo?”

“Okay… quite a bit homo.” I admitted. I felt my cheeks flush up, but it felt good to hint.

“Fully homo over here.” he laughed. And with that, we were lost. Connie and Sasha looked over at us, realising we weren’t wallowing anymore. They smiled happily.

“Hey, guys! The party’s already started! She said it started at 2! It’s THREE O’CLOCK. WE NEED TO GO!”

\----------

Sasha should have just dragged us there by our ears. She was so excited, and she walked in there like a queen.

“I’m here! The party can start now!” Sasha yelled, getting everyone’s attention. They were already drunk, I could tell that much. At least I could educate Marco on the different types of drunk now.

Everyone laughed at Sasha, and complimented her and Connie’s shirts. Marco and I cowered behind.

“Heyyyyyyyy Jen!” Eren said, walking over. He was drunk. Very drunk. He gave me a shot, and one to Marco as well. We downed it without a word. Eren on the other hand…

“OH MY GIGGITY GOSH YOUR SHIRTS.” Eren was laughing madly, and high-fived Connie and Sasha. Don’t congratulate them! Congratulate me and Marco for going along with it!

“Lemme get a picture!” Eren screamed, and pulled out his phone. I looked awkward as usual, but Marco was grinning from ear to ear. We did look pretty awesome in our matching shirts though. Not that I was thinking of wearing rainbow more often. That would be a mistake.

“Let’s go get a drink.” I whispered in Marco’s ear. I already had my speech planned, to explain to him what some people are like when drunk. We slowly pushed our way through the crowds, and found ourselves in Ymir and Christa’s kitchen. We took a seat each on the bar stools she had, and reached into a cooler and grabbed a beer.

“Warning. It tastes like cat piss. Literally.” I took a sip, and I couldn’t have been more right. There way no way to describe the taste apart from ‘cat-piss’. Ymir needed to find herself a better supplier.

“It couldn’t be that bad.” Marco muttered, and took a sip of his own. He looked like he was about to spit it out, but managed to swallow it. “It’ll get better through the course of the night, hopefully.”

We spun around in the barstools to get a better view of the living room, which the couple had turned into a dance floor. There was an ugly looking disco ball hanging from where the light was meant to be, and strobe lights on top of a bookshelf in the corner of the room. With the sofas pushed up against the walls, the room looked so much bigger- and the dance floor was swarmed.

“Okay, lets get to the basis. Reiner’s type of drunk is sexually angry drunk. Don’t mess with him, he’ll be clinging to Bertl no doubt. Bertl is nervous drunk. No surprise there. I don’t know about Annie, or Mikasa to be honest, so maybe leave them alone. Annie always looks like she wants to skin you alive anyway.” I scanned the room, and sure enough, Annie was sitting down on one of the sofas (next to a very drunk Reiner and Bertl who were making out) and glaring at anyone who looked at her. I turned back to Marco quickly.

“Anyway, Eren is the crazy drunk, just like Armin. He will forget your name, as you saw him do back there. It’s normal. Ymir is talkative drunk, and Christa is sleepy drunk. On the other hand, Sasha and Connie just triple their normal score on the annoying scale. Have fun!”

I grinned, and Marco was scanning the room, laughing. It was quite fun to be the last ones to get drunk, you get to witness other people being drunk. I didn’t normally get this much luck.

“Hey Marco, Jean.” It was Reiner, who had finally detached himself from Bertl. He walked towards the cooler beside us, and snatched up two beers. “Nice shirts! Where didcha get them? I should order two for me and Bertl.” Reiner winked at me, and walked away.

I looked over at Marco, who rolled his eyes. It was kind of cute, and I took a metaphorical screenshot so that I could draw it in my sketchbook after the party. It was basically a collection of Marco, in all of his dorkiness. I wasn’t even ashamed… well _okay..._ maybe a _little_ bit.

How could I not have realised I liked him sooner? It was blatantly obvious. EREN knew before me. I shook my head, and decided to listen to the music. It was Ymir’s normal playlist. Summer by Calvin Harris was playing, and I tried to remember the song that was going to play next. Then I remembered, and turned quickly to Marco.

“Guess what song’s next?” I said, grinning. He was going to love this.

“What song?” he said, unsure.

“Open Your Eyes, by Snow Patrol.” I smiled, and his cheeks flushed up. “I like to think of it as our song.” His eyes went wide. Oh my god did I really just say that. Take a step back and retrace your steps Jean. “Like, it just describes what we are going through perfectly, and then in the kitchen-”

“No, I think of it like that as well.”

Oh my god he thinks we have a song as well. Jean calm down. It’s a friend thing. Just like always. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. You idiot.

“Let’s make it our song!” Marco laughed, getting up. He held onto my wrist, and dragged me onto the ‘dancefloor’. I didn’t know what to do, so I let my instincts take over. Everyone was already drunk. No one would remember this. I tried to dance.

The Calvin Harris song stopped, and the guitar strum started. I looked up slightly at Marco, and he had his eyes closed like he was savouring the music. He sang when the vocals started.

_“All this feels strange and untrue, and I won’t waste a minute without you.”_

He was at peace, this was what he was good at. He obviously loved this song.

_“My bones ache, my skin feels cold. And I’m getting so tired and so old.”_

He smiled while he sang, and I knew that I couldn’t just sing with him. I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I couldn’t ruin this. We were getting somewhere.

_“The anger swells in my guts. And I won’t feel these slices, and cuts.”_

I paid attention to the lyrics, and when those last words hit me, it was like a slap over the face. Marco knew I was depressed, he just didn’t know HOW depressed I was. I felt a tear slip over the brim, and I sniffled lightly. He opened his eyes, and stared wide eyed at me.

_“I want so much to open your eyes, cause I need you to look into mine.”_

He sang those lyrics like he meant it. Like he wanted me to believe those words. Another tear slipped over, but his hand went up to my face and wiped it up. His eyes were wide with worry, and I was slightly freaking out. As if knowing something was wrong, he leaned in closer to me. I closed my eyes, savouring the moment.

_“Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.”_

His hand stroked my cheek lightly, and I did as he said. He was smiling softly, and moved his hands to my shoulders.

_“Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.”_

As if knowing what to do, I moved my hands to his waist, and he flushed up, the rosiness climbing from his neck to his cheeks.

_“Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.”_

He was really close now.

_“Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.”_

The song cut to the instrumental, and his finger tilted my chin up slightly. I looked up at him, and his eyes were inches from mine. He took in a deep breath.

**“I found your sketchbook.”**

Then he kissed me.

It lasted for the whole instrumental part, and we only pulled away to sing the last line together.

_**“All this feels strange and untrue, and I won’t waste a minute without you.”** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter yet… ~9000 words XD
> 
> IT ISN’T OVER DON’T WORRY.
> 
> Oh my GOD. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE. I AM BLUSHING LIKE A LUNATIC. HELP.  
> Thank you so much for the support I have had on this! It means so much to me when I read your comments and hear that you have been enjoying this!!!!
> 
> Warning: the chapters get really angsty from here on out. Like sad, soul-destroying angsty.
> 
> FUN!!!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr for more updates: freckledjeankirschtein  
> I track the tags #freckledjeankirschtein and #fanficopenyoureyes
> 
> This took so long to write and I am so glad I got it done! Term has started up again now, so my updates will be more rare. I will continue this fanfic and complete it though! I am aiming for AT LEAST 200,000 words. :D
> 
> Please rate and give kudos! It makes my heart SIIIIING <3
> 
> Thankyou :)


	6. Marco's Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ymir’s party goes out with a BANG (literally), Jean awakes to a strange sound from the kitchen, and finally, Jean finds out the truth about Marco’s family.

“It’s hard, letting go. I’m finally at peace, but it feels wrong. Slow, I’m getting up. My hands and feet are weaker than before.”

-Silhouettes, Of Monsters and Men

_**“All this feels strange and untrue, and I won’t waste a minute without you.”** _

It was grinning after that. Sure, we were red as two tomatoes on the vine, but it wasn’t awkward in the slightest. It was amazing, the feeling I had. I was happy, for the first time in years… and that wasn’t even a slight exaggeration. I had felt ‘happy’ when I met Marco, but that felt like it would only last as long as I could look at him. Now, I felt like I would be happy for eternity. But eternity is a long time, and I knew this feeling wouldn’t last forever. I remembered the extent of my depression, and was worried as to how he would take it. I still had to work out a way to tell him that I was suicidal.

At the moment, I just had to savour the feeling, so that’s what I did. I curled into his chest, and he held me there, just like that, for ages. I don’t know how long, but it was long enough for my vision to be clouded by tears and the scent of vanilla.

“M-Marco…” I was crying into his shoulder, but it wasn’t depression. It was happiness. I was happy. It was not a familiar feeling, but I wanted to feel it forever. As long as Marco was beside me, I would feel infinite happiness. It occurred to me just how long I wanted this feeling… I had been craving it. And I didn’t mind that it was my best-friend, my room mate, Marco, that was giving this feeling to me. I could bathe in it.

“Are you okay Jean?” He looked down at me, worried. When I looked back up at him, I knew that I was ugly-crying, but I also knew that I had the stupidest grin on my face. He could tell I was happy, so he just smiled his angelic smile back at me. There was a call from the sofas, and I knew someone had noticed. I just had to hope they were so hammered they wouldn’t question it.

“Armin! You owe me $20! I called it!” Oh my God, Eren.

“Bertl! You owe me as well!” Reiner too? How did he find out about this?

“What did I miss?” It was Ymir, walking towards the dance floor, with a smirk on her face. Christa was lying against her shoulder, obviously extremely drunk. “Oh ho ho. You all owe me!” She laughed evilly, and I just had to hold back my own laugh. I didn’t care. I didn’t care what anyone thought in this moment. They all exchanged money while Marco pulled me back towards the makeshift bar.

“Do we have to talk this out?” Marco was pulling two beers out of the cooler, and cracking them each open. “Because to be honest, I think you know how I feel now. I’m just questioning your sexuality now.” He chuckled lightly.

“You don’t even know. I’ve been questioning my sexuality ever since we got drunk.” I took my beer from him, and almost chugged the whole thing. It tasted like vanilla. I was obviously quite drunk now…

“Okay. Is your sexuality in my favour?”

“Definitely.”

“Good.” He grinned, he was obviously very proud of himself. He should be… I need to consider making him a medal or something now. I used to be as straight as a board… and now I am about as straight as a roundabout. “So… uh… thoughts on… trying out… you know?”

“A relationship? Hell yeah.” I managed to chug the rest of my beer, and I was making us each a shot in no time. It was still only about 4pm… we had a long time to go. The party had to close up at 8 (Tower Rules) but 4 hours gave everyone enough time to get completely hammered.

“Oh my God.” Marco was breathing really heavily. He had just chugged his whole beer, and had already downed the shot I made for him. He was a fast drinker. “I have a boyfriend.” He was grinning like a lunatic, and I couldn’t stop myself from returning it.

“So do I!” I yelled, and high-fived him. We were laughing like idiots, and getting strange looks from people around the room. I didn’t care, and neither did he. “Hey, can we do that again?”

“What… high-five?” Cheeky little snot. You know what I mean.

“No. This!” My lips met him half-way.

\----------

2 hours and 4 shots later, we were all mad. Dancing, screaming, laughing, eating, throwing-up, kissing, pashing, everything. It was all happening. And as you may have guessed, it was a complete disaster waiting to happen.

“JAGERBOMB TIME!” Eren was doing some weird mixology type stuff in the kitchen, and we were all instantly drawn to him with the promise of drinks. Most people had left about an hour earlier, worried about the state of Ymir and Christa’s dorm… and everyone occupying it. There were only about 12 of us left, and thankfully I knew them all. It was the crew together again.

Eren started handing out the Jagerbombs, and once everyone had one, we downed it at the same time.

Marco was beside me, with his arm comfortably sitting on my waist. He was staring at me most of the time, and I had no problems with this. Suddenly, he looked down at his stomach.

“Hey Liver. How’s it going down there? I have some bad news for you.” And then he took a few huge sips straight from the Jagermeister bottle. He is going to be so screwed tomorrow. That is heavy stuff.

“ _Evolution is going to eliminate me._ ” he muttered. I just laughed, and kissed him again.

“HEY E’RYBODYYYY!” Oh God Reiner. “LET’S PLAY SOME DARE OR DARE!” Everyone instantly nodded, and ran back towards the dancefloor. I lost sight of Marco, as he was pulled away from me due to the crowd.

“Marco?” I was really worried, and screaming his name. Please don’t be trampled, please don’t be trampled.

“Polo!” I heard Marco’s voice yell from the dance floor. Oh thank god. Everybody was laughing at his ‘wit’, but I just called in drunkenness. A ‘circle’ had been made on the floor, and I took a place beside Marco, who instantly rested his head in my lap. Eren was sniggering, and Christa was giggling into Ymir’s shirt.

I sighed dramatically, and told Reiner to hurry up and start the game, and start it he did. “Armin! I dare you to make-out with Eren.” I knew Armin would never do that… well… at least Mikasa wouldn’t let him. Armin started leaning into Eren, who had no problem with the whole situation. I expected a rogue Mikasa to fly into the circle, but no one appeared. I started getting worried, and I flicked my head around trying to find her. Once I did, it was too late. Eren and Armin were into it. Mikasa would never have noticed from her place on the couch. She was passed out anyway.

There were ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ reverberating around the circle, and the look on Reiner’s face was priceless. He obviously wasn’t expecting this. When Armin finally pulled away (a string of saliva attached between him and Eren’s mouth, to which I shivered), he looked proud of himself. Eren was laughing. He wouldn’t remember this in the morning anyway.

“Annie! I dare you to talk dirty to this!” Armin held up a random bottle of vodka that had been dropped on the floor. Annie reached over and grabbed it for him. From my position on the other side of the circle, I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but it was obviously bad enough for Bertl to be sweating that much, even in his drunken state. Bertl becomes a complete sex addict when vodka comes into the equation.

“Jean!” My heart skipped a beat. “I dare you to…” There was silence from her end, and she looked questioningly at Reiner. He leaned over and whispered something in her ear, to which she smirked. She reached over, and grabbed the iPod from it’s place on the dock. The music suddenly cut out, and there was complete silence. This was going to be bad. “I dare you to grind on… Marco.” Oh crap.

She pressed a few buttons on the iPod, and then that stupid Vine song “Grind on Me” started playing. I looked over at Marco, and he was already lying down on the ground. He is so drunk. Oh dear. I don’t want to be taking advantage of him in this state. It was a dare none-the-less, so I got in position. The song started playing, and I did it. I ‘grinded’ on him twice, not even touching him, but it was enough for everyone else. I didn’t have much flexibility anyway, so when the music stopped, I belly flopped on top of him. He looked at me cheekily.

“Could have done better. We can practise later.” My eyes flew open at this remark, but I knew he was joking when he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Do it for the Vine.”

I laughed, and rolled off him. I sat up, and realised everyone was watching. It was my turn.

“Bertl! I dare you to lap-dance on Reiner!” He would never do it.

Or so I thought.

To put it simply, I regretted it. I made a series of bad decisions that night, and telling Bertl to lap-dance was one of them. It was Cringe-Fest 2K14.

Before we knew it, people were doing the strangest things, and the party was ended early after Reiner threw Ymir’s TV across the room. She pushed everyone out, and I wasn’t even that sad about it. We didn’t have to clean up.

Connie, Sasha, Marco and I all headed back to our dorm room (Sasha basically lives here anyway), and we all sobered up before crashing in the hope that we wouldn’t have such a bad hangover the next morning. We consumed our weight in coffee, (apart from Marco, who had to crash early) eventually becoming the closest to sober we would be able to achieve, before falling asleep at 7:30.

\----------

**CRASH!**

I woke up, and immediately noticed the lack of Marco’s body next to me. We had crashed in the same bed, as his bed was cluttered with dirty washing, text books, and countless things we did not have the energy, time or patience to sort through.

I listened closely, and heard some weird shuffling sounds coming from the kitchen. I got up, and wandered out there in my pajamas. The sight I was greeted with was a strange mix between worrying and laughable. There was a myriad of different ingredients littering the kitchen table, and a strangely awake Marco dancing around the kitchen.

“Marco, it’s 2am. What are you doing?” I wiped the sleep out of my eyes, and pinched myself awake.

“Oh! Hi Jean! I’m making biscuits!” He laughed, and grabbed a bowl, pouring flour into it. No measurements. Just pouring.

“You are also _drunk_.” I dead-panned. Why is he making biscuits at this time is the morning? But, more importantly, why is he doing it without me?

“Yes! I am!” He took a swig out of a beer, and offered one to me. I took it, despite the feeling in my gut that this was just going to be a downwards spiral to the depths of hell.

“So, what type of biscuits are you making?” I took another sip of my beer, and watching him closely. He seemed to know what he was doing, but I was still slightly worried about his sanity. Drinking and cooking at the same time? He obviously didn’t sober up enough. This is just plain dangerous.

“Choc-chip coconut ones. My grandmother taught me how to make them!” He poured an absurd amount of choc-chips into the batter, and started mixing it. Okay, mixing it is a serious understatement. He was physically assaulting that dough.

“Can I help?”

“Yeah, sure! I would have woken you, but you look so peaceful when you sleep. You know… you don’t look like you want to commit mass homicide.” Wow, thanks Marco. None taken. Maybe if the people around me acted more human and less alien, then maybe I might respect them a bit more. Just an idea. Not thinking about you Eren.

“I’ll take that as a compliment…” I walked around to the other side of the kitchen, and picked up the piece of paper with a recipe written on it in beautiful cursive writing. “How is Connie not awake?”

“Oh, he decided to spend the night at Sasha’s.” Marco was moving around the kitchen picking up random pieces of equipment that looked like they could injure someone. I didn’t know if this was such a good idea, especially due to his drunken state. When Marco is drunk, he can be on and off the crazy wagon, but come out unscathed. Wish I could say that much for myself.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. He was complaining about something, but I was too drunk to remember what.” He picked up a few trays and sat them on the table, then started rolling the pounded dough and arranging them nicely and evenly on the trays.

“Mmm… complaining IS what he does best.” I sighed loudly, and helped him roll the dough into little balls, and put them on the trays. Then I noticed something… we didn’t by flour… or coconut…

“Marco, when did we get hold of all these ingredients?”

“I went and bought them.”

“When?”

“About an hour ago.”

“AN HOUR AGO? 1AM?” Shopping that late? Was Walmart even open? I decided not to question this.

“And why are you baking biscuits again?”

“I bake when I am stressed.” he replied, nonchalantly. As if realising what he just said, his whole body seized up, and he looked down, now very pale.

“Marco?” I stepped over so I was right beside him, and turned him around to face me. He slowly started lifting his head, and when he was facing me entirely I could see the extra glimmer in his eyes that tears were leaving. He let out a small sob, and pulled me in close and started crying on my shoulder. I held him like that for a minute, then sat him down on the sofa. I walked back to the kitchen, and finished the biscuits. Putting the tray in the oven and setting a timer, I ran back over to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I want to know if you really meant it.” He looked up at me, and wiped his tears. “Or if it was just the alcohol speaking.”

“Marco… I don’t sleep with just anyone.” I thought about what I just said, and held back the cringe. I remembered my high school days, but threw it behind me. Those were just bad memories. I am a changed person. I took a deep breath, and said what I had been holding in for a few days now. “I have never felt this way before, but I already know that whatever this is I am feeling, it is special and it is no fluke. You mean so much to me, and seeing you like this hurts.” I held back a sob, but couldn’t fix my leaking eyes. “Y-you are the world to me at the moment… b-because no one has e-ever given me the time of day.” I was ugly crying now. “T-thank you so much Marco… for fixing me.” I smiled, and added on something that I knew would make him smile. “Thank you for opening my eyes, Marco. Now it’s my turn to open yours.”

I leaned in and kissed him softly, not pushing, not wanting more. We held each other in that position for what could have been seconds or years. After that, we lay down next to each other, and were silent. There are some moments in life when saying nothing is the best thing you could say. Silence is worth a million words, but in that moment, I felt infinite with the boy with the freckles lying beside me.

\----------

I missed the alarm.

“Holy crap the biscuits!” I jumped up and sprinted for the oven, knocking my hip against the table as I went. I sucked in a breath, and held back the scream. After taking the biscuits out of the oven and sitting them down to cool, I lay back on the cold tile floor, and moaned.

“Jean? Are you okay?” Marco was standing over me now, looking puzzled as I clenched my hip and barred my teeth.

“I hit. My hip. On the table. Call. An. Ambulance. These are. My final moments. Goodbye, Marco.” He just laughed at how melodramatic I was being, and carefully helped me up. I somehow managed to maneuver myself so I was sitting on the table, and I looked over at the partially burnt biscuits on the counter top. Good job Jean. I knew I was going to regret this. I poured me and Marco a few shots each, and we both downed them easily.

Half an hour of craziness later, and we were lying with our backs to the table, singing dubstep. Because anything is possible when you are tipsy.

“We should probably eat the biscuits.” Marco turned to me, and motioned towards the now cool biscuits on the table beside us. They looked awfully burned, and a small part of me was wondering how healthy this is, and if they were even edible anyway.

“What if they taste like crap?” I sighed, and picked one up anyway.

“They will taste amazing. You know how I know?” He looked over at me now, sporting a huge grin. I shrugged, urging him to continue. “You are drunk.”

“Good point.” I laughed, and took a small bite from the biscuit I was holding. They did actually taste quite nice, but a thought came to mind. In my rush earlier to finish up the biscuits and put them in the oven, I had put a small fraction of the dough back into the fridge. “I think dough always taste better without heat though.” I got up and walked over the the fridge, taking out the mixing bowl with the remainder of the dough in it.

“You know me way too well.” He dipped his hand into the bowl and pulled out a handful of dough, and ate it just like that. Suddenly, he looked over at me, a worried expression on his face. “There were raw eggs in this.”

I had to hold back the laughter rising up my throat, but I managed to get out the pun of the day. “But it still taste EGGcelent!” Marco gave me a disgusted look.

“That pun was awful, Jean. We all know I am the queen of puns, so don’t go CRACKING jokes with me.” He smiled cheekily, and when I realised what he had just done, I started laughing. He joined in, and we spent the early hours of Sunday morning eating raw biscuit dough that tasted suspiciously like vodka, and laughing like the two lunatics we were.

\----------

We woke up at 8am, and Connie was staring down at us, looking completely done. My back was really uncomfortable, and I worked out it might have something to do with the fact that I had fallen asleep on the kitchen table. Marco was beside me, stirring. He opened one eye, and looked over at me. Laughing, he reached over and pulled me to him. He only parted with me when Connie cleared his throat.

“Oh. Hey Connie! You hungry? We made some biscuits. They taste a little bit like they came out of Satan’s butthole but that’s fine.” He laughed, and stretched. There was a mad cracking, and it looked like an exorcism was taking place. He looked satisfied enough though.

“You guys got drunk again.” Connie flung his hands in the air, and walked towards the sofa. He fell onto it, and let out an exasperated sigh. “I can’t leave you two alone any more. The dorm is always left looking like a drunk elephant ran rampage through it.”

“Well, I was just following my new life quote.” Marco put one finger in the air, and squinted his eyes together as if he was going to recite something. “Take your pain and turn it into CHAMpagne.”

Marco and I laughed together and Connie threw a pillow at us, completely pissed, but smiling anyway. “What are we going to do today?” He propped himself up against the back of the sofa, and rested his arms on it, staring at us.

“Jean and I are going to go to the movies.” Marco said, looking over at me and winking.

“It’s a date.” I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck. Hand in hand, we walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Connie.

I watched as Marco opened up his laptop, and it immediately showed the movie times for Trost Cinemas. He looked over at me, noticing I was watching him, and he went slightly pink. “I was planning to ask you out for a few days now. I just didn’t know how to do it.” He smiled, but looked down out of embarrassment. “I didn’t know if you were straight, I didn’t know what movie you would like… I didn’t know if you even thought of me as a good enough friend.” He sighed, and looked over at Connie on his left. Connie nodded slightly, some sort of telepathy thing going on, and walked silently out of the room. We heard the slight click of his bedroom door shutting, and Marco looked back over at me.

“Marco, you are the only friend I have ever truly had. Everyone else used me, but you helped me. It was a nice change. But it was even nicer knowing that you considered me as a friend.” I was getting used to telling Marco how I really felt, and it was for the best that I got used to it. For years I had just kept my feelings to myself, but now someone was genuinely interested in me. Someone cared. And that someone was Marco. I had only known him a week, but that week had been the week that let me restart my life. Let me become someone entirely different. Let me be who I wanted to be.

Marco was the type of person who needed constant reassurance of my feelings towards him. He needed to know I was still interested. He needed me. I grinned, but successfully hid it from him. I used to be the type of person that had a permanent scowl etched on their faces, but now I am the type of person that can be grinning from ear to ear with a simple thought.

Then a thought crossed my mind. I knew next to nothing about Marco’s home-life. He knew a lot about mine, but I didn’t know much about his. I knew he had a dog… and that was really it.

“Hey, Marco. What’s your family like?” I sat back in the couch getting comfortable. I expected Marco to do the same, but his whole body went stiff. He stayed like that for a few seconds, shivered, and then fell back against my chest. I accepted him, and we lay back on the couch comfortably. The few seconds when he was still lingered in my mind, and I reminded myself to go back to that later.

“I-it’s good. My mum is a lovely woman, very nice, and she accepts me for what I am.” He stopped, not knowing where to go from there. “I have two brothers, one of them is 11, and lives at home with my mum. The other is 22 and works in Italy…” He lingered.

“That’s nice! What are their names?” I tried to keep the conversation going, but he was being unusually closed off.

“Luke, and Moblit. I haven’t seen Moblit in ages though, ever since he moved to Italy to work with…” I looked over at Marco, and he inhaled deeply. “To work with my father.”

“Do you see your father often?” I was starting to become worried, Marco was acting much more touchy than usual, and he was snuggling into me, hiding.

“I haven’t seen him since I was 12… ever since…” Marco choked, and lost control of the tears we was quite obviously trying to hold back. He cried all over my shirt, and I just held him tight, hoping that if I squeezed hard enough all of his little broken pieces would stick back together again. I was supposed to be the broken one. Marco is supposed to be happy.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” I spoke softly, but on the inside I was burning to find out what was going on, what he had been hiding for all this time.

“N-no. I have to. Y-you have told me e-everything and I c-can’t keep this in for-forever.” I swiped my thumb over his cheek-bones, trying to contain the overflowing tears. “When I was 12, something big happened in the family, and no one was the same after it.” I was going to ask him what happened, but I decided that that might have to wait. “I d-don’t know exactly what happened, but all I know is t-that my dad left my mum, and has n-never come back since. Moblit went with him, because a-apparently mum was too broken. I don’t know though. I wish I c-could have been there for her.” He was sniffling uncontrollably, and I decided to ask the biggest question crossing my mind now.

“Why don’t you know what happened? Where were you?” I asked it softly, but my words broke him down again.

“I was in a coma.”

There was silence. He didn’t move, and I couldn’t breathe. How did he get in a coma? You can only get in a coma from severe blood-loss right…? “How… how did you… what….”

“Lack of oxygen.” He said it so simply, it was like a stab right in my chest. “I was drowning.”

“Why were you drowning? What happened? Are you… are you okay?” He had started shaking, and I wasn’t sure if I should push any further. I wasn’t used to having friends… much less partners… so I didn’t know how to react, or how far to push. “Marco, I’m here. Right here, right now. Anything you want to say, you can say it to me. Please Marco. I want to help you.”

“Please don’t make fun of me, please don’t laugh… interuppt… but… Jean, please PLEASE don’t leave me. Please!” He was sobbing, and I kissed him gingerly on the forehead.

“I’m here. Tell me everything.”

“I am a twin.” A twin!? How could Marco be a twin? His brothers were different ages to him! Unless… “I was a twin.” I sucked in a deep breath. This was going to be painful to listen to. I started putting the pieces together early. There must have been a water-related accident… that killed his twin, and put him in a coma… it was the only answer… “I had a sister, her name was Ellie. She was beautiful, she had black hair like me, and freckles.” He smiled, but it was sad. “There was a horrible accident. We were on our way to Mitras…” He stopped, and breathed deeply. “We were by the train station, and it was our first time on a train. The train was coming down the tunnel, and Ellie was so excited… she was jumping around… and mum was yelling at her to be careful… and…”

He stopped completely. I looked down at him, now crying myself, and I saw that he was trying to speak, but nothing was coming out. There was a pool of tears soaking into my shirt, and Marco was… gagging?

My brain clicked into action immediately; I hit him on his back, and he choked loudly, then breathed. I got up, and ran to get a drink. I finally found the cups after rummaging through countless shelves. I filled it up with water, then made my way back to Marco. I gave it to him, and he skulled it down. I quickly mopped up my tears, hoping he wouldn’t see, but it was too late. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered in my ear. “I can stop if you don’t want to hear it-”

“No. Tell me everything. If it is good for you, then continue.” He smiled gratefully, but it looked so sad. He was sad. Marco was sad. I couldn’t believe it, and I held him close. I had to help him.

“She slipped off the platform. She died right in front of me. I saw her mangled body… and…” He sucked in a breath, and looked over at me hesitantly. “I fell into severe depression… and I was suicidal.” At that, my head flicked over to look at him. My neck cracked, but I couldn’t care less.

Marco was suicidal?

“A few nights after that happened, I caved in, and tried to kill myself, to end the pain. I went to our pool, picked up the heaviest rock I could find… I placed it on my stomach, and sank to the bottom of the pool. I can’t remember anything after that, but my mum found me… took me to the hospital. I was in a coma for two years.”

He was crying again, but I didn’t try to stop him. I held him even closer and said over and over again that it was all okay. I didn’t know if it was though… and that was what hurt the most. I didn’t know if this was going to turn out okay.

I heard footsteps down the hall, and Connie walked into the room. Seeing what was going on, he muttered something about seeing Sasha, and left. I sent him a telepathic message thanking him over and over again.

Meanwhile, my brain was calculating what I had just heard. Marco almost died. He almost killed himself.

“When I woke up two years later, my grandma had died, my dad left forever, one brother given up hope, the other grown up and now 3 years old, and my mother… completely lost, but happy to still have me. I felt worthless. I was angry that I'd woken up. I went into denial… and hated myself for reasons I can’t explain. But I picked up music, and found meaning again. And now I have you.” He smiled, a small little shard of hope, but it died when he sighed, and let out another sob. “Are you scared of me?” He was looking at me again, and this time he looked utterly broken.

“Why would I be scared of you Marco?” I shook my head, and kissed him lightly on the forehead, nose, cheeks, eyelids, and finally a longer more passionate kiss on his quivering lips. “I love you.”

He grinned, and went bright red. “Don’t go all lovey-dovey on me, Jean.” When I remembered what I had just admitted, I felt my face flush up, but he was smiling. “I love you too, you dork.”

We kissed, and this time it wasn’t us being drunk and in love. It was pure feeling, and I wanted this to be the kiss that was etched in the back of my mind forever more. I felt him smile against my lips, and when he pulled away, I became worried. But the next thing he said left me smiling like an idiot.

“Thank you for opening my eyes.”

**  
  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a lot shorter this time, but it is packed with all the fluff, drunkeness and angst that any one chapter should really need.  
> Sorry about the angst too. Damn I was crying while writing it. Happy stories :’)  
> *insert ugly crying here*
> 
> Thank you for the nice reviews and kudos and views and subscribers and all of that STUFF!!!  
> This fic is currently 120 average book pages long (ohmyfreakinggodyes) and I feel powerful. And you all mean so much to me!!!!  
> THANK YOU FOR 152 FOLLOWERS ON TUMBLR YOU ARE MY DUMPLINGS NOW MWAHAHAHA  
> I’m so mad now I just need to be happy again I have cried too much today.  
> Hope your feels are okay :D
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @freckledjeankirschtein  
> I track these tags: #fanficopenyoureyes #freckledjeankirschtein
> 
> Thank you!!! xx


	7. Safe and Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean remembers when he REALLY fell for Marco, and reminisces just how obvious and fluffy they were. Marco has a surprise for Jean when October hits. Bertl takes the pair out for PSL’s, and then Jean has a stroke of brilliance, which results in a confiding-sesh and singing. Enjoy :)

“I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I’ll never let you go. When all those shadows almost killed your light.”

-Safe and Sound, Taylor Swift

Everyday for weeks now I have woken up to Marco’s heat beside me, his face silent and peaceful with sleep. He doesn’t move, he sleeps like a log. Everyday I will slowly brush his messy hair out of his eyes, and everyday I would get a slight smile in return. Everyday, I wake up knowing that I will be able to plant my lips on his face whenever I want to, and he will blush and go along with it. I keep on trying to peg when I fell for those stupid freckles, but I could never work it out. Now I know.

It was our first English lesson. Everyone we knew but Armin was taking the simple course for English, so that meant I had another class with Marco. When we found out we were in the same auditorium, we were ecstatic. That was the first time that a stranger picked up on our ‘friendship’.

“Hey, you guys make a cute couple.” It was petite girl, with orange hair. I recognised her from our Drama class… she was the one that was non-stop talking to her partner during our first lecture. I sought for her name, and then remembered. Hannah. Hannah and Franz. The couple that stayed together through thick and thin. Everyone knew about them.

“Who?” Marco looked kind of shocked by Hannah’s outburst. He was looking around, and then noticed Sasha and Connie in the two tables behind. Marco looked at them pointedly, and then turned back to Hannah. “Them?” Franz walked up, joining Hannah.

Hannah laughed, and replied grinning. “No! You two!” She spread her two fingers apart, and pointed one to me and one to Marco. I could feel my face heat up, and Marco spluttered everywhere.

“W-we’re not… a umm… thing?” He screwed up his face, which made me blush even more. He looked adorable when he did that.

“You’re not! That is weird! You guys act like a couple! Like, Jean… your portrait from yesterday-”

I laughed, cutting her off. “No! We’re just f-friends!” I looked over at Marco for confirmation, and when he said nothing, I cleared my throat again. “Right, Marco?” He seemed to be lost in another world, but then he shook his head violently, and nodded.

“Oh well, that’s a shame. You guys would be adorable.” She laughed and grabbed Franz’s hand, dragging him off to two tables on the other side of the room. I looked down at the table, and breathed slowly, trying to calm myself. I couldn’t help thinking what it would be like to be in a relationship with a boy though, what it would be like to be in a relationship with Marco.

So I decided that I would let my emotions loose, just for one lecture, and act upon my thoughts. I wouldn’t go very far, I would just casually slip of the edge of the dreaded ‘no-homo’ thing I had going on. No one would really notice. Only Marco… and I worked out that a small part of me wanted that.

I think that was the day that I started liking Marco. I just didn’t fully realise it and accept it until 3 days later.

So the lesson started. Our teacher walked in, and slammed a box full of papers on the table at the ‘stage’. I noticed three things about him all at the same time.

First thing I noticed, was he was buff. I don’t mean, ‘oh, yeah, he has some muscles’ type buff. I mean full-on, gym-junkie type buff. The second thing I noticed, was the lack of an arm. One of his arms was missing, cut of just below the shoulder. Youch. But the third, and definitely most prominent thing I noticed about him… he has eyebrows. Lots of eyebrow. Eyebrow overdose. Eye-brows on freaking _steroids_. Eyebrows.

So I decided to make Marco laugh. I grabbed my notebook, and tore the corner off one of the pages. On it, I drew a normal smiley face, but drew two triangles over the eyes. I looked down at it, and had to stop MYSELF from laughing. It looked so much like our teacher just like that. I slipped the note over to Marco.

He looked slightly surprised to be receiving a note from me, but he took it none-the-less. I looked back at the teacher, waiting for a hidden high-five or something from Marco, but the first thing I got was a snort. It was so strange, and unlike him, that everyone around us turned around and stared at Marco. Including the teacher.

“Something wrong, young man?” He looked straight at Marco, a small smile playing on his lips. But then he twitched his eyebrows, which earnt a snort from me. Reiner, Bertl, Eren and Mikasa in front of us turned around, and Reiner was grinning from ear-to-ear, Bertl sweating buckets.

“N-nothing, sir.” Marco looked down at the note again. He let out a small gasp, then turned the note around so it was just paper. I was having so much trouble holding back the laughter that was now choking me.

When the classroom finally quietened, I felt something soft on my knee. I peeked under my table, and saw Marco’s hand casually resting on my knee. I looked over at him, and then he suddenly smacked me lightly, hissing “That was for the drawing.”

I breathed out a laugh, and then sent him another note.

‘Entertain me. I’m bored. ;)’ I added the winky face just for the pleasure of seeing his face heat up. He managed to hold it back slightly, but it was only partially subdued.

‘Educate me.’ He slipped the note back to me, grinning.

‘You think I know stuff? You’re wrong.’

‘:P’

‘XD’

‘;)’

‘:D’

‘( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)’

‘WTF IS THAT’

‘A portrait of you.’

‘(.:^u^:.)’

‘Is that supposed to be me?’

‘Yes...’

‘Dork.’

‘You’re a bigger dork.’

‘No you are.’

‘No you are.’

‘Oh come on you know you are the dorkiest dork to ever dork. ;)’

I accidentally laughed out loud, and the teacher paused in whatever speech he was in the middle of at that moment. We started getting suggestive glares after that.

Reiner wrote me a note of his own, stating that I was being ‘very homo.’ I just wrote back to him saying that ‘this is called friendship, have you ever heard of it?’

Eren noticed as well, and actually turned around to talk to me.

“Hey, lovebirds? Could you shut up for two seconds? I would actually like to pass English believe it or not. Leave your flirting for when you get back to your dorm and you’re shagging the life out of each other.”

Bertl and Mikasa hissed Eren’s name under their breath at the same time, and with a smug look, Eren turned back around to the front. Bertl was shaking his head, and Reiner was just shaking in general. He just can’t contain laughter. Mikasa on the other hand was glaring at Eren, who was apologising under his breath. I don’t blame him. Mikasa is terrifying.

Despite that, Marco was reddening after Eren’s speech. I was too busy stuck in another world, imagining things that I should probably not have been imagining in the middle of an English lecture.

After Eren’s outburst, the notes sent between us became a little bit more scarce, and I eventually started taking notes again, trying to ignore what Eren had said, and where my mind wanted to wander. I didn’t realise at the time just how gay my mind was, but I look back on it now and laugh at myself.

The only problem with being in a relationship with Marco, is that no one in my family can find out. If my father ends up getting hold of the news, I will be in big trouble. I had been raised in a homophobic family, but never truly understood what was so bad about it. He constantly told me to find an attractive girl, who came from a rich and well-known family, and to marry her. Despite the fact that plenty of people at my high-school were rich, I just wasn’t interested in their pastel white faces, and stupidly pink lips. The only girl I was ever interested in was Mikasa, but she was always off limits. Not just because of Eren, but also because my father didn’t like her… apparently she wasn’t rich or well-known enough.

Whenever there was a possibility that I could grab a long-term relationship with anyone at high-school, my parents started throwing house-parties, and inviting all of the rich families in Mitras who had daughters my age. They constantly told me to ask them out, or just propose as it was, but I hardly knew any of them. Despite the fact that I didn’t like them, I also wasn’t even slightly interested in them. My father started giving me lectures on being straight after that, and a week before I left to come to this university, he took a few hours out of his schedule, simply to tell me that I must come back with a girlfriend, or even better, a fiancée. He was controlling my life, and I was sick of it. I shouted at him that I could live my life however I wanted to, but he wasn’t hearing me. Now that I think of it, that was the last conversation I had with him before I left.

If my father found out about me and Marco’s relationship, the consequences would be extreme.

\----------

_30 September, the day before October._

**8:30pm**

“Marco, if you keep on drinking all this coffee you aren’t going to be able to fall asleep tonight.”

Marco and I had been in a relationship for 24 days now (no, I am not keeping count), and we still act like best friends, just add on falling asleep together and making out.

“I love coffee though, and I want to stay up late.” Marco was on his fourth coffee of the night, and it didn’t appear as if he was planning to stop. I had told him no more on his second, but he changed my mind quite quickly. He’s worked out where my sensitive spot is. I rubbed the purple bruise on my neck, and spoke up. I couldn’t allow this to go on.

“Marco. We have classes at 9 tomorrow. We need to be awake at 7. Come on.” He looked over at me from the kitchen, where the coffee machine was already coughing and spluttering. He poked out his bottom lip, and threw an empty box of Pop-Tarts at me. I ducked back down into the sofa, and then slowly lifted up my head when I thought the coast was clear. “Did you seriously finish that box of Pop-Tarts on your own?”

“Maybe.” He smirked, and spun back around to the coffee machine. He finished making his coffee, and then picked up the stupidly over-sized mug, and planted himself down beside me. I sighed, and started flicking through all of the channels on the TV. Nothing interesting was on, as per usual. I settled for a cooking show, and then turned over to Marco. He was typing the password into his laptop, and opening up Tumblr.

“I would rethink that decision if I were you. It’s a warzone on there. It won’t be safe until November.” I turned back to look at the TV, where some woman was cutting a carrot, and speaking to the camera. I turned up the volume, and listened. The woman had one of the thickest American accents I had ever heard.

“Y’all need to make sure that you keep the carrot pieces the _same size_ , or they won’t cook prop’ly. It is _vital_ that-”

“No.” I turned the tv off, and sunk even deeper into the sofa.

“How is it a warzone?” Marco looked down at me, a puzzled expression on his face. He had Tumblr open, and sure enough, there was a text post that was compiled mainly of capital letters, the words ‘countdown’ and ‘spooky’ standing out.

“It’s the day before October starts. The whole of Tumblr is going to start its war. It is apparently close enough to Halloween for everyone to start celebrating.” I groaned, and opened up my own laptop, and sure enough, there was countdown going on on my dash, and the ghosts were everywhere.

“Wait. You don’t like Halloween?” He sounded hurt, and his bottom lip was making a show again. “I think we have to break up.” He shook his head slowly, looking down. He was obviously being sarcastic.

“Marco! I love Halloween!” I laughed. “I just wish we could save the celebrations for maybe a week before Halloween?”

“Oh, god you are going to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you Marco! What could possibly make me hate you?” I looked over at him, and he looked like he was about to explode.

“Don’t open up your laptop at midnight.” He laughed quietly, and looked over at me, tears in his eyes. He couldn’t have. He wouldn’t. Marco… _please_ tell me you didn’t.

“Let me see your queue.”

“NO!” He was laughing really loudly now, and he had picked up his laptop, and pounced off the couch. He held his laptop above his head, and poked his tongue out at me.

I guess I would have to wait until midnight.

\----------

**11:53pm**

I gave up on Tumblr at 9. It was mad. I had since moved on to Facebook.

“We should go into the study.” Marco looked over at me on the couch, and picked up his laptop from the coffee table, where another three empty mugs were sitting. Two of them were mine. If Marco was going to stay up late, then so was I.

“Why?” I was perfectly comfortable where I was. I didn’t want to move. That was one of my key rules of living. If you are lying on a couch in your scrolling position, it is therefore completely okay for you to stay in that same position for hours.

“Come on.” He moved out of my line of sight, and I heard the study door open. I groaned, but followed him anyway.

I walked in, and shut the down behind me. Marco’s laptop was lying on the desk, and I put mine down beside it. Marco was lying down on the floor, his shirt off, and now flung to the other side of the room. I took mine off, and flung it over, hoping it would land next to his. Instead it knocked over a lamp, warning Marco of my presence. He opened one eye, and looked up at me smirking. “Have I ever told you how good you look without a shirt on?” He rolled over so he was on his side. The smirk was still plastered on his face.

“Have I ever told you how good YOU look without a shirt on?” I sat down on a beanbag beside him, and started tracing shapes on his torso. He shivered at the contact, but grinned.

“You don’t need to. Eren’s status from the pool showed it.” I grimaced, and moved my eyes up to glare at him. He was on the edge of laughter, and about to fall off.

“Way to ruin the mood, Marco.”

“Oh, come on. Let’s bring the mood back.” He winked at me, and I instantly went hot. The simplest things alerted me of just how lucky I was to have him. 3 and a bit weeks, and he still gives me butterflies.

He stood up, and look down at me in the beanbag. Slowly, he sat down on top of me, straddling my hips. The last time we had been in this position was when we got drunk together for the first time. This time, I knew he wasn’t going to stop.

He leaned in, and started peppering kisses over my neck, and lightly nipping when deemed appropriate. “ _Marco-_ ” I groaned, and he stopped what he was doing, looking up at me. “Why did you stop?” He grinned, and got back to what he was doing. Then, out of nowhere, he tightened the clasp he had of my hips. I inhaled quickly as he bit down on my collar bone. I sighed, and scrunched up his hair in my clenched fists.

**BANG!**

Marco sat up quickly, and looked up at the clock on the wall. “Hey! Its October!” He jumped up and off me, and I whined.

“Marco! That was mean. I was getting excited!” I glared at him from across the room, where he was putting his shirt on again. I groaned, and slowly got up. He picked up my shirt and pegged it at me. I caught it with one hand, and put it back on reluctantly.

“We can continue that later!” He laughed, coming over and hugged me tightly. We walked out of the study, but I stopped and did something that I would regret later.

I was angry, and sexually frustrated as well, so I pegged him up against the outside of the study door, and smashed my lips against his. He groaned into my mouth, but smiled and kissed back anyway. I stuck my hands up his shirt, and slowly felt his torso, earning a sigh from him. I took my lips away from his, and buried my head in his neck, where I started to kiss and bite. Marco laughed, which was strange. Was I doing something wrong?

**“THIS IS HALLOWEEN! EVERYBODY MAKE A SCENE! HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN!”**

I screamed, and jumped away from Marco. I looked over at the main room, and took in the sight. Then I screamed again.

_“WHAT THE HELL?!”_

Reiner, Bertl, Eren, Armin, Sasha, Mikasa and Connie were all staring over at us, their mouths agape, and the TV behind them belting out ‘This is Halloween’ at its loudest setting. I noticed the Xbox plugged in, and 4 strange figures dancing around on the screen to the the Halloween tune. The sofas were pushed up against the walls, and the coffee table in the corner. The cups had been replaced with pumpkins and knifes, and little candles were lighting up the area around us.

“Uh… yeah. Happy Halloween?” Marco looked over at me, a sad smile on his face, and his eyes filling up with the presence of tears. He looked around him, and sighed sadly.

“Did you arrange this?” I asked quietly, so that only Marco could hear. The crowd was awkwardly shuffling around, and mumbling things to one another.

“Yes. I’m really sorry. I thought you would enjoy it. I just thought it would be nice to do something a little different… and you have done so much for me… you’ve drawn all those pictures… and I just wanted to make it up to you… I thought you would like-” I pressed my lips against his, shutting him up. He sighed, and I felt a tear on my cheek, but it wasn’t my own.

“Marco, baby, I love it. This is amazing.” He blushed and stuttered slightly. I pressed a finger against his mouth. “Just next time warn me if people are going to be in our dorm when I’m making out with you against a door.”

He laughed, and choked on his tears. I kissed his cheek, and he flushed up again. “You have a pet name for me?”

“W-what?”

“You called me baby.”

“Oh. S-sorry… I won’t do it again if you don’t-”

“I love it.” He kissed my cheek back, and then we both turned around to face the crowd. Reiner, Eren, Connie and Sasha were going red from holding in laughter, whilst Armin and Bertl where shuffling around awkwardly. Mikasa looked plain bored.

“Jean, dude, shag him later. In the meantime we have some dancing to do.” Reiner shuffled on the spot, as if that counted as dancing, and Marco and I joined the others. We all danced to ‘This is Halloween’ on the Just Dance 3 for hours, and then stayed up until 4 carving pumpkins.

\----------

“Marco! Wake up!”

I don’t know what time everyone went home last night, but it was definitely late. And by that I mean they probably went to sleep at around 5am like me and the boy that was currently waking up in my bed.

“It’s 11 o’clock! We’ve missed most of our morning class! Levi is going to kill me!”

I got out my phone and messaged Eren over Facebook.

**J-** yo dude how mad is levi

 **E-** he doesn’t care. i think youre safe

 **J-** cool thx. how did you wake up so early

 **E-** i am friends with armin. not to mention mikasa

Of course Mikasa and Armin would wake Eren up. I had to check on the others as well.

**J-** yo connie did you manage to get to class

 **C-** yeah. eren got me. i was gonna wake you up but you and marco were in the same bed so i dodged

 **J-** ugh fine. what about sasha

 **C-** she got up on her own. she needed food

**J-** hey reiner are you at class

 **J-** reiner

 **J-** reiner wake up

 **R-** Hey Jean! It’s Bertl. Reiner's still asleep, but I’m awake. He gets grumpy in the morning so I’m leaving him be. Are you at class? How’s Marco?

 **J-** hes waking up now. and no i didn’t get to class. can me and marco come over to your place in 10

 **R-** Sure!

 **J-** thanks bertl

“Come on Marco. You have to wake up now. We’re going over to Reiner and Bertl’s dorm. They’re expecting us in ten minutes.”

“Ughhhggg _bunai dunwanoo!_ ” He rolled over and pulled my pillow over his face.

“Marco. Get up.”

“ _Mekmee._ ”

“Fine.” I picked up the pillow from his bed, and started hitting him with it. I was gentle, but it was enough to make him jump.

“Jeaaaaannnnn...”

“No. Get up.”

“But-”

“No affection for all of today.” I smirked. That would get him up.

“God damn it.” He sat up, still wrapped up in my bedsheets. “You’re rude.” He stood up, dropping the sheets all over the ground. Stretching, he made his way over to me. He leaned in, about to kiss me, but I backed away.

“Get dressed. Brush your teeth. We’ll have breakfast at Bertl’s.”

“Fine _MOM_.” He walked over to the closet, and started pulling random shorts out.

“Damn straight.” I picked up the sheets and spread them half-heartedly across the bed, and then walked out to the kitchen while Marco got dressed. I made us both a coffee, so that Marco would at least be partially presentable when we arrived.

\----------

“Hey guys!” Bertl looked surprisingly awake. Reiner on the other hand looked like he just gotten dressed inside a tornado, and then fell down a flight of stairs a few times _just_ to complete the look.

“Hi Bertl! Thanks for letting us come over!” Marco grinned. We walked in, and were greeted with the cleanest space in the universe. Probably. To say everything was sparkling wouldn’t be a lie.

“Tell me all your secrets.” I whispered, and Bertl laughed.

“Well, secret one is maybe DON’T share a dorm with Reiner…” Reiner nudged Bertl, and Bertl laughed. “It’s true! If I leave you in here alone, I would come back and it would look like The Walking Dead was filmed here!” Reiner mumbled something about zombies, and then went to the kitchen, and grabbed a box Lucky Charms.

“You want any?” He offered the box to Marco, to which he nodded thankfully. Reiner poured out 4 bowls for us, and then when milk was added, we went and sat down on their couch. We were almost silent for a few minutes, forgetting the occasional slurp from Reiner’s direction, when Bertl spoke up.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I could _really_ go for a PSL.”

“Ohmygod _yes_.” Marco literally jumped off the couch, collecting our empty bowls, and dumping them at the sink. Bertl cringed, but shook it off. Trust Marco to make a place dirty. I guess he isn’t entirely Freckled Jesus.

We all grabbed our phones, and made our way to Starbucks, reminiscing last night.

“Armin is better at dancing than I thought he would be.” Reiner laughed. He was right though, Armin was breaking up the dance floor. He could dance. “And someone please confirm this for me… Eren and Mikasa aren’t dating… right?”

Bertl looked thoughtful, and then sighed. “I seriously don’t know. I don’t think Eren has feelings for Mikasa… but Mikasa seems to be very fond of him… in more than an adoptive-sister way.”

Mikasa had been adopted by Eren’s family at a young age, and since then Eren and Mikasa had been very close. It just seemed as if Mikasa had unrequited feelings towards Eren. I used to be very jealous of their bond, but now I couldn’t care less about their love-lives.

Marco spoke up. “Have you heard the way that Eren talks about Levi?”

“Oh, your Drama teacher?”

“Yeah. Eren has him for art as well. He and Jean are in the same class, and Eren can’t shut up about him during lunches.” Marco sighed. “It seems really weird. Mikasa keeps on staring at Levi as if she thinks he’s going to beat Eren up or something. We know what she’s like.”

Marco shivered. Despite the fact that he was new to our group, he still seemed to know what everyone was like and their histories. It really surprised me that he wasn’t studying psychology.

We stayed at Starbucks for a while, sipping our pumpkin spice lattes, until Bertl apologised and said that he and Reiner had to go to Dance class. We said goodbye, and then it was time for Marco and I to decide.

“Are we going to Drama or not?” Marco looked at me over his mug, raising his eyebrows.

“Vote not.” I drowned the rest of my latte, and looked over at him. He was nodding slowly, hopefully agreeing.

“We have to text someone to tell them that we aren’t coming.” Marco took out his phone, and pushed the ‘on’ button. “I’m out of battery. Can you message Eren over Facebook?”

“Yeah, sure.” I took out my phone and opened up my messages. Eren had messaged me first.

**E-** you coming to drama or not

 **J-** nope. neithers marco. can you cover for us

 **E-** sure whatever. whats the story

“Marco, why aren’t we going to Drama?”

“Because I have contracted a bad case of hypothermia and you are nursing me to health.”

“You would be in a hospital if you had hypothermia, Marco. And it’s fall.”

“Good point. I have food poisoning, and I am projectile vomiting.”

“Mmm, healthy.” I typed out the message and hit send.

**J-** marco has food poisoning and is being sick everywhere. i am playing nurse

 **E** \- geez. even your lies are gay. see you later

 **J** \- k thnx man

Marco looked over the messages, and sighed. “Is he homophobic or something?”

“No, he just loves to make fun of me.” I took my phone back, and stuffed it in my skinny jeans pocket. “He’s one of those people that just needs a high-five.”

“Huh?”

“In the face.”

“Oh.”

“With a chair.”

“Ouch.”

“Dipped in poison.”

“Held by the Hulk.”

“On adrenaline rush.”

We laughed as we walked out of Starbucks, but once we were on the Main Street, Marco turned to me. “So what exactly are we going to do for today?” He looked around him, and caught sight of the gardens. “I think we should do something other than sit in a garden. I think we should ‘get out’.”

“You mean, out of Trost?” I looked over at him, surprised. We probably wouldn’t make it back before night, even if we left now. Trost gets really busy around this time.

“No, maybe just to the boundaries… if you know what I mean.”

Then it hit me. I had a plan.

I pulled out my phone, and typed in my house number. There were three rings, and then a woman picked up.

“Hello, this is the Kirschtein Estate. Who’s calling?”

“Hi, its Jean!” Marco was looking at me inquisitively, but I just smirked and winked. “Are either of my parents home?” Marco’s face lit up with recognition, and he grinned.

“No, sorry, they are out of town. It is just me and one of the other maids. Would you like to take a note?”

“Oh, no. That’s fine. You are off duty until 6pm.”

“O-oh. Are you sure Master Jean? Will your father approve of this?”

“Yes. It’ll be fine. And the house will be the closest to spotless I can manage before you get back.”

“Thank you, Master. Have a good day.”

“You too.” I hung up, and stuffed my phone into my pocket. Marco was bouncing on his heels in excitement. “Let’s go to my house. We’ll take my car.”

“You have a car?” He look puzzled, but only for a second.

“Yeah. That’s how I got back to you when Connie and Sasha were-”

“Yes. I remember now. What type of car?” We had crossed the road, and were walking towards the Trost College parking lot. Marco was basically dancing, but I was trying to remain calm.

“You’ll see.” I laughed, and we entered the lot, and walked towards the far corner, where only one car was parked.

_Hello baby._

“No freaking way Jean. Oh my god. Am I allowed inside? Is it too expensive-”

“Marco. Yes, you are allowed inside. You are my boyfriend for Pete’s sake.” I laughed, and he positively glowed as he got in shotgun.

“Dude.” He exhaled deeply, and ran his fingers over the leather of the seats, and the glistening metal of the dash. I started up the Lotus, and the lights on the dashboard went neon blue, and the soft purr started. I groaned in my seat, and sat back, savouring the feel of the vibrations.

“I feel like you are cheating on me for some reason.” Marco was smiling at me, sunk down low in the drivers seat.

“Oh, I’m supposed to be driving." I looked over at Marco, grinning. "Let’s go places.”

\----------

“You live here?”

We rolled up into the car park, which was full of numerous cars ranging from Lamborghini's to Bentleys. To be fair, most of these were inherited from my late grandparents who were car collectors, but my father took pride his the stock as well. I parked my Lotus, and we hopped out to look at the massive building ahead of us.

“Jean… this is amazing.”

I was used to my house being as big as it was, but Marco looked as if he was about to address the queen. The house wasn’t all that spectacular, it was simply a white marble building with lots of edges. The inside was more interesting. So that is where we went.

We entered through the huge wooden doors, and were greeted with the hallway which was lined with huge arches leading into other rooms. We took the first one on the left, and we were in the lounging area, connected with a huge kitchen. The area was overly spacious, and it left you with a lonely feeling in your stomach. I turned look over at Marco, but found that he was running over to the dining table

“Woah!” Marco was bouncing up and down again, and looking at the food covering the top. He slowly circled around the table, gasping as his eyes grasped the scene. “Is this normal?”

“Well…” I awkwardly rubbed the nape of my neck, and looked down at the floor. “Kinda.”

“How can you afford all of this?” It was obviously a rhetorical question, but it still hit me hard. “This is how much I would eat in a week!” He laughed, and turned over to look at me. His smile fell when he noticed that I didn’t look too impressed by the abundance of food. “Jean?”

“Y-yeah. Hey!” I brightened up my mood, thinking of the things we could get up to while my parents weren’t home. Nothing sexual, as Marco obviously wasn’t ready for that. I have to be careful with him, he is my first boyfriend… and real relationship really. All the others had been sorely based on sex, but this relationship is so much more different. I love Marco, and he loves me. This is a real relationship. But the thing that scares me above everything else is that Marco is a virgin. I can’t screw this up. “I’m gonna go upstairs and see if all the maids have left.” He jumped slightly at the word ‘maid’. “Tuck in! Eat anything! I’ll be right back.”

I ducked back out into the hallway and ran up the stairs. Auroro’s bedroom- all clear. Maids quarters- clear clear clear. Nobody was here. It was just me and Marco.

I ran back down the stairs and into the main room, where Marco was eating ice-cream on our sofa. He had left all of the baked goods and things on the table, but instead raided our freezer. I walked over to him, laughing slightly. Leaning over the back of the sofa, I kissed his forehead. “I love you so much.” He blushed, and shoved a spoonful of chocolate ice-cream into what he thought was my mouth. By that I mean he missed completely and stuffed ice-cream up my nose.

“M-MARCO!” I screamed, and ran away. He spun around and rested his elbows on the back of the sofa, watching me and laughing as I tried and failed to remove the freezing dairy product from my nostrils. “Not funny. I tell you I love you and what do I get? Ice-cream up my nose. So much love.” I glared, but faltered and ended up laughing along with him.

“Love you too.” He winked and shoved another spoonful of ice-cream in his mouth. “Are we gonna stay out here or are you going to show me your room?” He stood up, and put the quarter empty ice-cream tub back into the freezer. Washing the spoon he was using, and putting it back with the rest of the utensils, he walked over to me, and grabbed my hand, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“Sure, I guess I could show you. Please don’t make fun of me though.” We made our way up the stairs, and I walked towards the back wall of the house.

“Why would I make fun of you, Jean?” He laughed, following me into another hallway. “What could be so bad that-”

I opened the door to my bedroom, and walked inside, letting Marco follow me. I was waiting for some sort of reaction. It could either be really good or really bad, and the ambiguity of the situation was putting me off.

“Jean… wow… this place is huge.”

Phew. I nearly danced on the spot, glad that he appeared to like the place. My walls were covered in countless band posters, ranging from Nirvana to Mumford and Sons. There were also old photos hanging up, and multiple canvases filled with brush strokes and pencil marks depicting images that I would rather not think about. Death, suffering, pain, loss. Marco was hovering in front of one in particular. I realised it was one of the paintings I was assigned to draw at school. I had to draw a self-portrait, where I was dealing with any emotion.

It was me crying, and blood surrounding me.

I walked over behind Marco and wrapped my hands around his torso, so his back was pressed against my chest. “That was from high school. We had to draw ourselves dealing with an emotion. I decided to draw myself dealing with the emotion of pain.”

“You deal with emotional pain by turning it into physical pain, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question. It was statement. It was time for me to tell Marco how I really dealt with life.

“If I have to suffer any amount of emotional pain, I find myself wishing for an excuse. I can’t deal with pain, that has no embodiment.  I need to see the reason for my pain, see the reason why I’m crying, and breaking down. I turn the emotional pain into visible pain, so I can see reason behind my suffering. It’s a way of coping.”

“Please tell me this isn’t-”

“Marco, it isn’t martyrdom. That is an act of selfishness, and anyone using martyrdom to gain friends or sympathy should be pitied for sinking so low in life.”

“That’s not what I was saying. P-please tell me this isn’t something you still do now.”

I sighed, and turned away from him. “I don’t know if-”

“Please, Jean. Please.” He was sobbing quietly now, and looking at me, pleading. I sighed sadly, and started unbuckling my jeans. He watched me quietly, obviously unsure of whether or not he should be watching. “J-”

My jeans had been kicked off, and my thighs were on show. I had obviously done a good job of hiding them whenever I got dressed in front of him, the look of shock on his face almost broke me.

Before I started high-school, my body had been devoid of any scars, but by the end of it my thighs looked like they had constantly been scratched by a cat with very sharp claws. The scars were bumpy, and felt like running your hands over bark. Marco was crying silently, and he was having trouble staying upright. Eventually he gave up, and collapsed in a bundle of feelings on my carpet. I sat down next to him, and slowly wrapped my arms around him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you were ready.” I shook my head, and looked back down at the self-harming scars on my legs. Slowly, Marco lifted his hand, and touched them. Only about two inches of the bumps were visible, but Marco was willing up the seam of my boxers. It gave me a tingly feeling, but I told myself that now wasn’t the time. It worked, astoundingly, and I inwardly congratulated myself. Marco had eased up my boxers quite a bit now, but the scars were continuing.

“How much…” He sniffled, and didn’t continue. He stop moving my boxers then, and slowly traced his fingers on the scars. Then he noticed the fault. Not all of them were scars. Some were scabs. When Marco noticed, he gasped lightly, and clasped his other hand over his mouth. He looked up at me. “They’re… they are only… weeks… days… Jean?” I was crying now too, and the horror on his face only fueled it more. I was a monster. I started to wonder if I was being selfish. If this was some strange form of martyrdom. I stuck to my beliefs, I wasn’t being selfish, I was coping. Those are very different things, but you can easily cross the line from one to the other.

“When was the last time?”

I sighed. I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t. It would break him, and it was my job to keep him together. To piece together the puzzle that was him. I couldn’t go back on my plan, pull the pieces apart and start over. But he had a right to know.

“I’ll tell you, but afterwards we stop talking about this, and do something else.” It was a fair deal, and we were both having trouble coping with the emotions spilling out of us from the holes in our sanity.

He nodded slowly, and I took a breath. “You’re right. It was five, maybe four days ago. I’ll tell you why when I’m ready.” I took his hand, and kissed him slowly, stopping him from saying anything more on the subject. When we parted, I slipped my jeans back on, and we stood up and walked silently down the hallway. I pulled him into what I called ‘Jean’s Entertainment Room’. There was a huge TV on one wall, and all my games stored in little boxes on the other side of the room. It hadn’t been cleaned out in years, even the maids were scared of going into it. It was for the best, this meant I finally had a space where I could just sit down and be me.

I pulled out Battlefield 3, and slipped the disc into the Xbox. The TV started up, and me and Marco were talking again. It was tense, but it was better by nothing. After a few games, we had loosened up entirely, and were being the normal idiotic people we usually were.

\----------

We got bored of Battlefield after a while, so we started to play through my huge collection of old Sonic games. Before we knew it, the clock struck 6pm, and we had to get our things together quickly and leave.

I cleaned up most of the mess, living up to the promise I told the maids I would keep. 15 minutes later, and we were on one of backroads outside of Trost, heading back to our dorm. Marco said we should try to dodge the traffic, and I couldn’t have had a better idea even if I tried.

“Turn it up! I love this song!” Marco was singing along to all the songs, and I joined in on the bits that I knew. Marco seemed to have a knack for knowing lyrics to every song ever.

“ _‘Cause I know that time has numbered my days, and I’ll go along with everything you say!_ ” Marco pretended to be violently playing a guitar, and was grinning from ear-to-ear the entire time. Thankfully, I knew this song. Mumford and Sons, Babel.

“ _But I’ll ride home laughing look at me now, the walls of my town they come crumbling down!_ ”

The mad guitar playing continued again, and I looked over at Marco laughing… until he screamed at me to watch the road.

The drive home went along like this, us singing songs (shouting if necessary) and playing air drums and air guitars. We had no shame, and this is what made me most happy. I could act like the stupid idiot I was and Marco would accept me.

I could sing badly and Marco would still sing with me.

I could cook a bad meal, and Marco would still help me microwave something instead.

I could try and dance, and Marco would still be partners with me.

I could screw up and draw badly, and Marco would still comfort me.

I could hurt myself to deal with pain, and Marco would still love me.

_I could be myself, and I would still know that Marco wouldn’t leave me, no matter what._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need sleep.  
> Let’s just say that the next chapter will be fun, as Marco and Jean join in the skeleton war for Halloween. Damn straight I’m incorporating bad half-jokes and horse jokes as well.  
> Thank you so much for all of the lovely comments and kudos and yay my heart is flying!!  
> These two dorks have fueled my life for so freaking long, and finally I can make them my puppets, and make them feel things. It is really fun.  
> Btw, how perfect is ‘Babel’ for SnK’s plotline? Like, wow.
> 
> Also, I would like your thoughts on some things. Should I make Marco’s P.O.V? I don’t know, but I am totally wanting to do it if you guys would still read it. It’s up to you. :)
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr; freckledjeankirschtein
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and kudos and bookmarks and things make meh happeh :3
> 
> Thank you!!! :D


	8. My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first Halloween party is going smoothly, that is until Eren gets too drunk, and Marco spikes up a memory that ruins the party, and Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> Description of Violence and Self-Harm Reference (also minor character death [that everyone knows happens] and spoilers [that everyone also knows about so yeah])

“But I will hold on hope and I won’t let you choke on the noose around your neck. And I’ll find strength in pain and I will change my ways, I’ll know my name as it’s called again.”  
-The Cave, Mumford and Sons

It is a custom in our group that we celebrate Halloween twice. Once with just the group on the week before Halloween, and then again with a huge group on Halloween night. We decided to follow this custom again this year, and to use the second party as a chance to meet new people and make more friends.

Marco and I had been searching for costume ideas on the internet for the last fortnight, but we still couldn’t decide. This was going to be a tough one. We were curled up on the sofa once again, with our laptops open before us. Connie's death music was echoing down the hallway, and he wouldn’t turn it down no matter how much we shouted at him.

“Jean, let’s narrow it down this much. You can do art stuff-” I sighed instantly. I could foresee where this was going. “-so that means that you can do awesome make-up, right?”

“I’m okay in the make-up department. But there are two problems. One being that we don’t own any make-up, and don’t have enough money to be buying any since it’s only going to be used once. Two, we still don’t know what we are going as!” I slammed my face into my knees, and groaned.

“Come on, look on the bright side! Even if we can’t think of anything by Friday, we can still just go in a onesie or something. It will be much more comfortable anyway.” He looked up at the roof thoughtfully, and squinted a little bit. Adorable pug-faced Marco. “I think I know what I want to go as.”

“Mhn?” I scrolled through yet another list of expensive Halloween costumes, and sighed when I clicked the link to page 64.

“A zombie soldier. Like, I want the be wearing a military uniform and stuff, but be a zombie. It’ll be awesome! Especially with your art skills!” He laughed, and shut down his laptop, as if showing his decision was final. It did seem quite cool though, and I could get some fake blood…

“But what will I be?” I looked over at Marco, who once again appeared to be deep in thought. He then looked down at me, his eyes alight and his grin wide.

“My trusty steed.”

“Is that an innuendo… or-”

“Jean.”

“Sorry.” We laughed, and then I stopped to confirm the statement. “Are you serious though? Should I really go as a horse?” I had flashbacks to one of our last parties… the one where I had danced around someone’s room acting like a horse. I would be picked on endlessly if I went as a horse. “There are lots of jokes concerning me and horses, and I don’t want to support them.”

“Then you can be my soldier comrade! Like, we could give you bullet shots and stuff, and you could be limping around, and carrying my dead body over your shoulders! It’ll be awesome!”

I smiled, and scrolled to the top of the cosplay website I was on. It was a good idea, when I thought about it. We wouldn’t be looking too generic, and it would be funny. I clicked the search box and typed in ‘soldier’, hitting enter.

I would never have been prepared for what came up.

The first three searches summed up the internet to a certain extent. The first cosplay package was a Halo uniform, which actually looked quite cool, but not what we were looking for. On the other hand, the second package was obviously for girls… it was literally just army print lingerie.

But the third option was the one that did it for me.

The top half was like a men’s corset, and it was shades of green, like an army print. But the bottom half killed me. It was a men’s army print jock string, and lace leggings with huge black combat boots. It looked like the type of thing Frank ‘n Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show would wear for Halloween.

Who am I kidding, this is like a horror picture show in itself. The model for the suit wasn’t in the best shape, to say the least.

I clicked the link to the cosplay package, and once it was loaded I copied the link and sent it to Marco.

“Hey Marco, I’ve found a good soldier cosplay for us! Check your Facebook!” I held back the laughter, and watched as he opened up his laptop and check his Messages. He clicked the link, and watched his face for reactions as the page loaded.

His face contorted until he looked like the adorable pug he was, and the he cleared his throat loudly. “It’s too expensive. We don’t have $130 just for two of those.” I stared wide mouthed at him, feeling myself go red.

“I was joking. It was joke. We will never be wearing those to a party. Ever. Please tell me you were joking as well.” I was still shocked, but Marco’s face seemed almost scared.

“Oh, oh yeah of course I was!” He let out a choked laugh, and then ducked his head down behind his laptop screen. He wasn’t joking. I chose to say nothing else on the topic, mainly for the sake of my overheating face. I still wasn’t used to these perks of his.

Well, now at least I knew what to get him for Christmas.

I went back to the cosplay site, and scrolled through the options. Eventually I came across a cheap army uniform package, and with Marco’s agreement, ordered two.

\----------

Friday came around sooner than expected, and with the huge package of face paint and make up alike, we started to get ready. I had a huge plan for Marco’s face, and it was going to be amazing and terrifying all at once. I just had to make sure that he didn’t pick at the work I was going to do.

“What’s your plan, Da Vinci?”

“I’m going to get little bit of rolled up cotton ball, and stick it to your face using a mixture of the red and black face paint.”

“Sounds technical, lets go!” He sat down in front of the mirror in the dorm bathroom, jumping up and down, giddy from excitement. I looked at the assortment of face paint and make up set up, and noticed some light blue face paint, which we didn’t buy. Must have been part of Connie’s costume. He did look extremely proud of himself when he made his way to Sasha’s dorm, laden with a bag full of blue and orange.

I picked up the cotton ball bag, and gave them to Marco to start tearing up and rolling into little balls. Eventually we had a stack of them on the basin, and Marco’s face was pale from all the make up I had layered on already. His freckled were barely visible, and he was staring quizzically into the mirror, as if trying to work out who exactly he was. His face was screwed up and looking like a pug again, and I was failing to hold away my smirk.

My sketchbook was a collection of Marco’s pug-face, and he knew about it now. He told me it was the sketchbook that gave him the courage and confidence to ask me out. I couldn’t help but feel proud.

“What now?” Marco was leaning back, looking at me upside down.

“This is where it is going to get messy, but it will look amazing, so don’t worry.” I started mixing together a mixture of the red and black face paint, and I put a base coat of it on the right side of his face, fading it into the pale concealer on his left side. Once the whole right side of his face was red and black, and started sticking random pieces of cotton ball all over it, giving it a scab-like texture. Once I had a sufficient amount of texture all over his face, I put on another two layers of the red/black face paint.

“That is so cool.”

It did look really awesome, but I had to make some finishing touches. I mused up his hair, giving him the impression of bed head, and I covered his right eye in black face paint. I drew on bags under his left eye with the make up, and contoured his left cheekbone so he looked starved.

Now it was amazing.

While Marco went into the other room to get changed, I started doing my own make up. I gave myself the same starved look, and bags under both eyes. I started drawing smears of blood all over my face, and slits in my throat, as if I had been tortured. I quickly got dressed, and when Marco reappeared, he almost screamed.

“JEAN! PLEASE TELL ME THAT IS MAKEUP.”

“Yes! Marco, of course it is!” I laughed, and sauntered up to him, placing a kiss on his left cheek, the right side of his face completely off-limits. “I’m fine. How do I look?” I struck a pose, and Marco shook his head, gob smacked.

“Dead, to be honest.”

“Achievement unlocked.”

“Nerd.”

“Loser.”

“Idiot.”

“You look hot.”

“Stupi- wait, what?!” Marco took a step back, and looked at me disbelievingly. “I do?”

“I’m going to have to watch out tonight, all the ladies are going to want a piece of the sexy half-off soldier boy.” I walked up really close to him, and wrapped my hands around his hips.

“Jean-” Marco was smiling, and leaning in for a kiss.

Pressing my lips to his ‘blood-stained’ ones, I laughed. “Too bad he’s mine.”

\----------

Eventually Marco and I got out of the dorm, and made the short walk down the hall to Reiner and Bertl’s place. I could already hear ‘This is Halloween’ being belted out from Reiner's sound system (which he never really used for the right reasons). Marco knocked on the door, and Bertl appeared, wearing a full-body muscle one piece. I couldn’t believe he would do that, what with his sweating. He must be baking in there.

“Come in! We’re just waiting for Mikasa, Armin and Eren now.You guys look awesome.” He motioned to the fake blood and soldier uniforms Marco and I were sporting, and laughed. Bertl made his way down the hall into his kitchen and joint living room, where the rest of the gang were sat. Bertl’s suit made sense once I saw Reiner and Annie’s matching ones.

Ymir and Christa were cuddled up on the floor, and I could see Ymir’s halo and fake angel wings, along with Christa’s devil horns and blood red dress. Typical, Ymir’s supposed to be the devil, and Christa is the thing that fell from heaven.

Sasha and Connie had completely outdone themselves. The orange and blue from Connie’s bag made sense, as my eyes lingered to the arrow pointing to his forehead across his skull. He was wrapped up in orange robes, and undoubtedly dressed up as The Last Airbender. Sasha on the other hand.

I didn’t know they sold hot dog costumes. You learn something new every day.

The compliments started flowing, and everyone wanted to touch Marco’s face. Despite my protests, they all got to feel it… luckily it was still intact at the end. I would have gone on a killing spree if it hadn’t been.

There was a knock at the door, and Reiner shouted for them to come in. Mikasa turned around the corner, and stood at the entry of the living room. She was dressed up in gray sheets, and had wrinkles painted all over her face. It was the first time I could say she didn’t look even slightly attractive.

Connie cleared his throat. “Mikasa, why are you dressed as an old man?”

She sighed dramatically, and said in monotone, “Well, what were you expecting? Some sort of Spanish Inquisition?”

“NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!”

Eren and Armin had jumped in front of Mikasa, dressed up in red robes, and stupid little hats on their heads. They had necklaces with The Cross on them dangling low on their chest, and they were bearing the stupidest grins known to mankind.

And I thought Sasha was mad.

“Why did we ever let them watch Monty Python?”

“Bertl this is completely your fault.”

“But-”

“No.”

“But Monty Python are so funny and I couldn’t believe they still hadn’t seen any of their skits at the age of 17 and-”

“Shut up.”

“It was worth it.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“WHY IS NOBODY LAUGHING?” Eren collapsed on one of Reiner’s sofas theatrically, and sighed. “I put so much effort into this…”

“YOU DID? I was practising for 3 hours-” Mikasa was walking sternly over to Eren now.

“Yes, yes. Good job Mikasa. Thank you for your help. If only someone could let out a GOD DAMNED LAUGH-”

“LET’S PLAY A DRINKING GAME.” Marco stood up, ending the conversation turning argument, and ran over to the cooler planted beside the sofa where Eren was resting. He grabbed two six packs, and slid them to the middle of the circle, where instantly they were emptied.

“What game shall we play on this spooooooooky night?” Reiner opened up his beer, and took a sip of it. “Never Have I Ever? Beer Pong? Poker?”

“Truth or Dare to start off with.” Sasha popped her own beer, and emptied almost half of it. Marco planted himself down next to me firmly, opening his own beer and taking a small sip. “Who wants to go first?”

It was a slow moving game, but it wasn’t long before we were all wasted. I hadn’t drunk in almost a week, so I deserved to get at least a little bit pissed. Marco’s long gone, and has completely lost control of his mouth, and his body. He has made out with me vigorously a few times now, but I’m not going to complain. Reiner’s stated that he is proud of him for ‘getting in there’. Christa’s asleep, and Ymir and Annie are laughing madly and really loudly at something Reiner’s saying. Mikasa’s passed out on Reiner’s sofa, and Eren and Armin are sitting back chilling loudly with Connie and Sasha. Bertl’s sitting with Marco and I, watching as I surveyed the scene. I noticed how many shots Eren had taken, and he was so close to his limit that Mikasa normally set for him. I cringed as he took another shot, and suddenly became very worried that no one was going to stop him. I certainly couldn’t, and Armin was dead to the world, brain-wise.

Ever since an incident in high school where Eren had gotten too drunk, Mikasa had monitored his alcohol consumption, to make sure that he never drunk too much. This was because Eren had a history of becoming unusually violent when drunk... and he had broken bones. Lots of them. He had been clean for a while, but there was no telling when he would blow up next. With Mikasa out cold on the couch, Eren had access to all the alcohol he needed and wanted.

I have to be careful.

“Yoooo… bad halloween jokes time yet?” Sasha’s slurred voice manages to ring out above everyone else's, and now everyone has gathered in a shape that can only be described as a square on drugs. “Who wanna go fuuurrst?” And with that she falls in a heap of sweaty drunk limbs on Connie’s lap. Three down, nine to go. It’s going to be a wild night.

I lied. Morning. Wild morning.

“Why do vampires need mouthwash?” Eren spun around excitedly waiting for someone to fall into his trap. Bertl started sweating and Reiner was death glaring anyone who even tried to open their mouths. Eren had this joke every Halloween, and we were yet to have a year when someone didn’t try to guess. Marco beside me let out a laugh, and opened his mouth, taking in a deep breath. Annie was reaching across the drugged square to cover Marco’s mouth, but the words slipped through.

“Jean, baby, can you make me another shot?”

Everybody started laughing, and Eren looked murderous. He muttered something under his breath, and downed another shot. Time to start hiding the glasses from him.

I thought I had been completely relieved of Sasha’s bad humor for the night, but she had woken up and was drinking again. She never really learned. She and Connie were really a match made in heaven, despite the fact that you could expect to see a wreckage left over if they simply walked through a room. Dangerous, but perfect.

“Why did the ghost go to the bar?” Sasha turned to Connie, and grinned the evilest grin ever.

“Ummm I don’t-”

“FOR THE BOOS!” As if to prove it to him she grabbed her chest and started pretending to juggle. It was scarring and hilarious all at once, and Connie was entranced.

“What did the skeleton say to the vampire?” I could see where this conversation was going. Sasha looked questioningly at Connie, and raised her eyebrows. Connie licked his lips and said what he probably thought was seductively, “You suck.”

Sasha poked her tongue out at him, and grabbed his thigh, too high up for the public eye. Neither of them cared though. “You don’t even know.” She licked his nose, and Connie shuddered. “Hey, Reiner? You have a spare-”

“Down the hall, first one to the left.”

“Thanks!” And with that Connie and Sasha were gone, the only evidence left of their presence being the beer cans and shot glasses covering the floor where they had been seated. Oh, and the occasional moan from the hall. Marco turned the music up, and we joined into the conversation with the others.

They were all having a good laugh, and even Annie seemed to have let up her usual state of looking like committing mass homicide. She sat behind Bertl, and tapped lightly three times of his back.

“Knock knock!”

Bertl spun around, kicking over an empty beer bottle as he went. He was still sweating, but answered. “Who’s there?”

“Annie.” Her grin was astounding, and I realised that she could actually be really pretty if she tried.

“Annie who…?”

“Annie body home?” She fell backwards, laughing madly, and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her. Bertl and Reiner seemed unfazed by her being so happy, but the remainder of the group was so stunned that they all laughed along, somewhat nervously. She did have a creepy laugh.

The jokes continued to flow, and everyone continued to drink. I’d lost track of how many shots I had taken a few hours ago, and it had to be the early hours of the morning. Ymir and Christa left early, saying something about ‘going out tomorrow’. We were all sitting around telling bad ‘Yo Mama’ jokes when it happened.

It is rare for something so big to happen that you just sit stock still, not moving, not breathing, not talking, and not hearing anything. It takes a lot. The last time this had happened for me was when I walked into a shopping centre when I was 6 and saw a body sitting in the aisle, lying down motionless in a pool of blood. I had to see an almost-dead man. Something really big has to happen for me to lose complete control of everything. And this was big. It was really big.

“Yo mama so fat, that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND THE HOUSE!”

We were all in tears laughing, and I had never felt so free in my life.

“Yo mama so ugly, even Hello Kitty said goodbye!”

“Yo mama so gross, she had to trick or treat over the phone!”

“Yo mama so fat, she’s got more chins than a Chinese phonebook!”

Eren and Marco were face to face now, shouting Yo Mama jokes at each other. I had to wonder where Marco got them from… he was doing well. Everyone was laughing, and Marco was a machine.

“Your mama so ugly she gets an extra 364 days for Halloween!” How is he keeping to the theme?

“Y-your mama so poor… she drives a… peanut.” Eren looked thoroughly confused at what just slipped out of his mouth, and it became obvious who was going to win.

“Your mama is so ugly, when she walks through a cemetery dracula rises from his coffin thinking its Halloween already!” Marco laughs evilly, touching the tip of his finger to his tongue then his ass, making a hissing sound.

Dracula’s not the only thing rising, let me say that much.

“Oh yeah? Well yo mama so ugly, people call her Humpty Dumpty, she’s humped then she’s dumped!” Not bad Eren. It seemed to strike a nerve in Marco, and the next joke he said changed it all.

“Yo mama so dead she can’t even be carbon dated!”

Silence filled the room, and you could basically see the steam coming out of Eren’s ears. Before I could do anything to stop it, Eren was straddling Marco and punching him repeatedly in the face. Marco’s lip was split, and there was blood everywhere. All sound around me disappeared, and I was stuck.

I could see Eren’s rage and hatred being inflicted upon poor Marco’s face, and I couldn’t move. I could see Marco crying and screaming, and I couldn’t say anything. I could see Marco’s face being pelted relentlessly by a raging Eren Jaeger, and I couldn’t save him.

Slowly, the sound started coming back to my ears, and I could hear the shouts of the people behind me telling Eren to ‘stop or you’ll kill him’. Eren’s scream impregnated the air like daggers, reaching my ears and causing my blood to boil, but I wasn’t doing anything. I just sat there like the useless person I am, my mouth agape and insides threatening to spill out over my lips like Niagara Falls onto Reiner’s rug.

Eren was screaming at Marco’s face now, inches from touching him. He had pegged Marco’s arms to the ground above his head, and was digging his nails into Marco’s wrists so deeply that I could see blood trickling onto the carpet.

**“MY MOTHER IS DEAD YOU ASSHOLE. DEAD.”**

The rest of his curses were blocked, and a shape jumped over Eren, pushing him off Marco and onto a heap on the floor beside him. I realised with a jolt that Mikasa had woken up and stopped Eren, and now she punched him in the gut, causing him to pass out. She dragged him to Reiner’s bathroom, dumping him in there and locking the door.

I looked back to Marco’s body, which was limp, lifeless, and his face was covered in blood and wrists bleeding all over the place.

Then everything went black.

\----------

“... he’s going to be okay, but he will probably have scars on his wrist for a little while… as for his face-”

“Jean’s waking up!”

I opened my eyes, and faces were looking down on me. The surroundings were unfamiliar, and I tried to remember what had happened.

It all came back in a rush.

Marco and Eren, laughing and joking. Marco saying something… Eren jumping on him. The fists flying at his face… the muffled screams and cries from Marco’s mouth… the pure rage… my hopelessness… Mikasa flying to the rescue… Eren in the bathroom… Marco’s face and wrists…

I sat up, knocking my head on something or someone, and realised I was lying on Reiner’s sofa. Everybody was seated on the rug (apart from Sasha who was clutching her forehead beside me), and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Eren’s not present, which is for his own good. I feel like cutting someone right now, and that someone is him.

I noticed that everyone was staring at me like I’d just risen from the dead, except Mikasa and Bertl who were huddled up in the middle of the room.

I rolled of the sofa and crawled my way over to them, I need to see him… I need to see him. This was all my fault. I got too drunk. I forgot to watch Eren. I never warned Marco about how unstable Eren can be. I never told him about Eren’s mothers death. I did nothing to stop Eren from rearranging Marco’s facial features.

I finally make my way to Marco’s body, and I push Mikasa and Bertl out of the way. They move swiftly, letting me through. Marco looks awful, despite the fact that Bertl and Mikasa have managed to clean him up enough, so all the blood is gone. His face is pale from blood loss, and those beautiful freckles are so visible on his skin.

“M-Marco… I’m so s-sorry… this is entirely my fault…” A tear rolls of my cheek, landing on his nose and slowly trickling down and landing in the crack between his lips, swollen and torn. I don’t know how long I sit there for, but eventually Mikasa pulls me away, saying that she needs to bandage him up a bit more.

I move back and prop by back up against sofa, resting my head on the seat. Armin shuffles over until he’s next to me. Silently, he takes my hand and lets me sob into his shoulder. He rests his head on my scalp, and tells me over and over again that it isn’t my fault, Eren shouldn’t have retaliated in that way, it will all be fine… but it won’t it won’t it won’t it’s all my fault and he won’t ever forgive me this is all my fault this is entirely my fault _what have I done_.

“G-guys! Jean!” Mikasa’s shout makes me shoot my head up, narrowly missing a stunned Armin. “He’s waking up! Bertl, get some water or… just get some drinks and something to numb him up!” Bertl gets up, jogging over to the kitchen. “Ice too!” Mikasa yells, and there is some banging in the kitchen as Bertl grabs the things he needs. I shuffle back to Marco’s side, and watch as his eyes flutter open. I start crying again, as I think of our song. Please tell me you’ll open your eyes Marco, please please please I’m so sorry.

Bertl returns with a bottle of water with ice, and some frozen peas. Marco’s eyes finally open up fully, and he lets out a croak and sob. He tries to open his mouth, but it just results in his lip split open again. He starts crying again, and I watch as Mikasa forcefully dabs water over his mouth, and forces him to swallow some. Bertl puts the frozen peas on Marco’s wrists, and Mikasa slowly starts pressing ice into Marco’s cheeks. “T-thank you Mikasa. Bertl.” Bertl turns around from inspecting Marco’s wrists, and nods at me slowly and sadly.

“He’ll be okay Jean, stop worrying.”

Marco’s eyes open again at my name, and slowly they focus on me. He clears his throat, slowly and painfully. His eyes tear up, and it is so heart-breaking to watch, knowing that I had a part in this suffering that Marco is being forced to endure. “J-Jean, are you okay?” His voice sounds strained, and I can tell he is having trouble even staying awake.

“I’m fine, b-but are you okay? I’m s-so sorry…”

“It’s not your fault, Jean. W-where’s Eren?” Typical Marco. The first question he asks is if _I’M_ okay, and then he asks about the person who almost murdered him. Typical, selfless, Marco. I love him so much.

“Digging his grave, I hope. _Are you okay?_ ” I give the question more emphasis.

“Ummm, sore?”

“Wouldn’t have guessed.”

“I’m going to go and check on Eren.” Armin stands up, and makes his way down the hallway. He returns after about a minute, and sits down on the couch, sighing. “He’s passed out in the bath. Swimming in his own vomit.” Ugh, disgusting. He deserves it.

“How broken am I?” Marco looks up at Mikasa, who sighs sadly.

“Your wrist are going to have to be in bandages for about a week probably, you'll have a black eye if you can’t already tell-” Marco grunts at that. “-you have a badly split lip and your jaws are badly bruised. I’m surprised you’re talking to be honest. Also, you will probably have to stay in bed for a few days to cure yourself, you probably have some form of a migraine coming up.”

“Well isn’t this week just going to be a barrell of laughs. Happy Halloween to me.” He tries to move his hands, which only results in the peas falling of. Bertl places them on again, and Marco winces. “Sorry for ruining the party everyone.”  
Everybody in the rooms starts talking at once, saying its fine, and its not his fault, but the expression on Marco’s face reveals to me that he is blaming this whole fight on himself.

“What did I say so bad that gave Eren the impulse to beat me up?”

Mikasa looks over at me questioningly, and then I remember. Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie weren’t even present for the whole ordeal. Obviously no one has told them.

“Marco cracked a joke at Eren… ‘Yo mama’s so dead that she wouldn’t even be carbon-dated’ or something like that.”

Mikasa winces, and slowly looks down at Marco. “Eren would have taken personal offence to that… his mother is dead, and his father left them forever.”

Marco’s eyes widen, and he is crying again. “L-let me see him. Please. I need… I have to say sorry.”

“Not yet Marco, in the meantime I think you should go home and get some rest. I’m sure Jean could take care of you… Jean?” Mikasa gives me a look that says ‘you-are-going-to-take-care-of-him-whether-you-like-it-or-not’. I nod slowly, scared. Mikasa is terrifying when she wants something from you. “Good.”

\----------

The party ended at around 4am, and Marco was taken back to our dorm by Reiner. I dragged all of the random pieces of junk off Marco’s bed, and he was set down. He fell asleep fast, and I was left alone. Connie was staying at Sasha’s for the night, and Armin and Mikasa were cleaning Eren up. Annie, Bertl and Reiner were left to clean up the mess of beer cans and shot glasses. Not to mention the blood stains on their carpet.

I wandered around the house aimlessly, disbelieving of the nights happenings. Eren can be violent, but that was extreme. What could I have done to stop it? I could have pushed Eren off Marco, I could have monitored Eren's alcohol consumption a bit more, I could have warned Marco about Eren’s past, I could have warned Marco about how violent Eren can get, I could have called off the yo mama jokes, I could have I could have I could have.

It’s all too late now.

My mind flashes back to the fight. Eren was pelting Marco endlessly, and I can remember him looking at me pleadingly… he saw that I didn’t save him. He probably remembers how much of a douche I was, sitting there like a stunned mullet.

Almost as if on impulse, I walk back to Marco’s bedside. I sit beside him, watching him sleep. He seems so peaceful, but I can tell he is dreaming. His nose squishes up, he groans, he lets out a small sob. Each time one of these things happens, another little piece of me breaks. I did this to him. Tears trickle over the edge of his waterline, leaving a small wet patch on his pillow. I go to reach for him, to kiss the tears off his cheeks, he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve this. My fault, completely my fault. I want to touch him, comfort him, but I don’t deserve him. He’s too forgiving, to good to be. He should hate me.

Then he speaks. It comes out as a whine, and it is barely audible, but it echoes around my head and the room.

“Please… Jean…”

All my fault all my fault all my fault.

There is a familiar churning in the pit of my stomach, and I feel the oncoming attack. So I do what I’m best at. I reach under my bed, and pulling it out, running my finger over the sharp edge. It's almost calming.

“Jean… help…”

And then I am running towards the bathroom screaming.

**  
  
**

\--------------------

**  
  
**

*hides in box*

So that happened.

I have reached 400 followers on tumblr and yay I love you all so much :D

And oh my gosh LOOK AT THESE!!!

[COVER](http://freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com/post/101369710743/thanks-to-rather-amazing-fangirl-for-the-help-with)

[FEELS](http://freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com/post/101324999703/open-your-eyes-freckledjeankirschtein-on-ao3-i)

[FANMIX](http://freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com/post/100814671638/silhouettes-jean-marco-fanmix-compiled-by) (jeanmarco in general)

[ART](http://rather-amazing-fangirl.tumblr.com/post/100735233891/take-my-hand-knot-your-fingers-in-mine-and)

made by me and [this girly](rather-amazing-fangirl.tumblr.com)

Huge thanks to [rather-amazing-fangirl](rather-amazing-fangirl.tumblr.com) for being so supportive of this fic and crying with me over my jeanmarco feels

ALSO

 

[→ THIS QUICK-FIC FOR JEANMARCO WEEK MADE ME CRY DAMN YOU CAPTAIN-KIRSCHTEIN NO FORGIVENESS ←](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2521334)

NEWS REGARDING MY WRITING

  * i’m gonna write another two books for this series cause i love jm. second book will be ‘Eyes Open’ (marcos POV) and final book will be ‘The Finish Line’ which is basically the aftermath of this tragedy haha oops

  * i am planning a gymnastics au with floorgymnast!marco and trampolinegymnast!jean yep

  * a first kiss au (you know that youtube video) with a range of ships from snk. basically a big book of one shots

  * oh and maybe a highschool band au i dunno




woohoo sorry about all the end notes

OH AND NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA BE SUPER SHORT BUT POSSIBLY UP TONIGHT OR TOMORROW (AUSTRALIA EST)

thanks once again for all the support and kudos and comments i am receiving from this series you guys are amazing <3

[btw i have a tumblr](freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com) (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


	9. Roses with Thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's emotional breakdown. (Short chapter, but very important to the storyline.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> Extreme description of suicidal feelings and self-harm.

“I’ll never let you go, if you promise not to fade away. Please don't fade away.”  
-Starlight, Muse

 

It’s like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, so close to toppling. Like you are looking down into the deep abyss, where demolition is inevitable, and you want it so much, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. It’s like being in a crowd, but being completely invisible to the people around you, and constantly feeling as if you are going to drown in the voices and loud noises echoing around you. You want to drown in them, but a small part of you won’t let that happen. It’s an extreme version of ‘lappel du vide’, where you don’t just get a slight urge to fling yourself over the edge of a tall building, but you constantly crave your own death, and hearing the crunch of all of your bones breaking, the pool of blood seeping in the ground beneath your head. Depression is wanting death, but not having the strength to bring it. So you turn your emotional pain into physical pain. You drag the god damned blade across your skin, and feel the sharp sting of air against your exposed guts. You hate it, and you love it. The blood spreading through the bath water looks like roses, their vines twisting around you, and thorns tearing your skin apart into shreds; it’s a painful beauty that you constantly crave. So close to death, yet so far.  
I miss when I was young, and I thought that the worst thing that could ever happen to you was you dropped your ice-cream on the pavement. I never would have imagined that I would find myself sitting in a bathtub, cutting at my skin with a knife, simply because I need to see and physically feel pain.  
I want to die. I want to. But I can’t… I have so much left to live for.  
But the one thing that has been keeping me alive these past two months is lying incapacitated on a bed, his face completely rearranged, and his wrists bandaged. All because I couldn’t move or say anything. All because of me. I’m a coward.  
I have ruined so many peoples lives. My father, he can’t even look at me without feeling disgusted in the being he created. My mother, she is so sorry for me, and all I give her in return is loneliness and hatred. Marco, I let him love me.  
It’s all my fault… it always has been. Nobody had the strength to tell me though.  
And now I am sitting down in a bathtub leaving scratches on my skin, except it is deeper than I have ever gone before. My thighs are ruined, and the bathwater is dyed red. My fingers are bleeding from when I’ve gotten carried away, and my boxers are no longer blue.  
I’m in ruins. And I deserve it completely.  
I should just die.  
I could do it.  
I could kill myself.  
It would be better for the people around me.  
My mother and father could try again.  
He could have the successful son he deserves.  
She could have her life back.  
And Marco.  
Marco could live without me.  
God knows he has for 19 years.  
Besides, he’s only getting himself into more trouble by being in a relationship with me.  
I’m a screw up.  
And I deserve to die for the people around me.  
I can imagine the blade cutting through the flesh between two of my ribs, plunging into one of my vital organs, hopefully killing me easily. Fast.  
I drag the blade once more over my leg, clenching my teeth so hard they ache. I have to hold back the screaming in case someone hears. I draw a line between two of my ribs with my finger, tracing the delicate skin there. I deserve this. Marco deserves more than me.  
I can’t do it though.  
I can’t die knowing that he has yet been fixed. I need to pull his broken pieces together. I need to glue him back together, then I can leave in peace. I’m too far off now, there is no possibility that I will ever be okay again.  
I drop the blade into the water beside me, and let myself break down. I’ll just bleed out. More painful, but you have to get the job done somehow.  
That’s when I hear a door open.  
“Jean?”  
Marco’s voice is weak, and I hear him trodding his way down the hall. _Please don’t Marco please don’t please don’t please don’t you can’t see me like this. Just let me die first please Marco._  
“Jean? Are you home?”  
I don’t answer, and the dorm is completely silent. I hear the study door open, and then there is some shuffling around. Is he really going to study? His wrist shouldn’t even be working for gods sake.  
There is a light ringing of the keys on his keyboard, and he is obviously immersed. Then I recognise the tune. I can’t put a name to the song, but I know it. His voice rings out, and for the first time ever I hear Marco sing properly.  
 _“I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I’d never let you go. When all those shadows almost killed your light.”_  
He is amazing. There are chills down my spine, and I feel goosebumps prickling up my skin. There are no words to describe the emotions I am dealing with, and I don’t think I want to put a word to it. This is just what Marco does to me.  
 _“I remember you said don’t leave me here alone, but all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight.”_  
I want to scream. It’s all too much for me to deal with. My legs feel like they are on fire, and I want to scream out to Marco but I know I can’t. I feel the sobs coming on, and I bite my thumb so as to hold back any stray sounds.  
 _“Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You’ll be alright, no one could hurt you now. Come morning light…”_  
I know what song it is now, and I let my tears fall into the blood stained water.  
 _“... you and I’ll be **safe and sound.** ”_  
The pretty keyboard plays its tune again, and I turn into a mess. Tears fall everywhere, and I let some of them fall onto the cuts over my thighs, the salt causing some type of reaction that Armin would probably be able to describe perfectly. It hurts, but my emotional pains wins over, as always.  
 _“Don’t you dare look out your window, darling everything’s on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on.”_  
I want to scream. I want to end it now.  
 _“Hold on to this lullaby, even when the music’s gone.”_  
Please help me please help me please help me I can’t do this anymore. I’m hurting too many people, which always ends up in me hurting myself. Its a roundabout cycle that’s never going to come to a close, and I need and I want it to end please please please.  
 _“Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You’ll be alright, no one could hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I’ll be **safe and sound.** ”_  
His singing hurts me deep within, and I don’t even care when he plays a note wrong and it sticks out. I just continue drowning in my own emotions. I want to die so badly… I want to relieve people of this stress.  
 _“Just close your eyes.”_  
I shut them tight.  
 _“You’ll be alright.”_  
No Marco I won’t I never will be ever again I’m so sorry I dragged you into this please help please.  
 _“Come morning light, you and I’ll be **safe and sound.** ”_  
The song comes to a close, and I let out a loud sob. I can’t believe I’m hurting people so much just because of my own existence. I want to stop living for the sake of other people. Please God please please please.  
“Jean?” I can hear Marco running around the dorm now, and I’m alert. Don’t find me Marco. Go back to bed, close your eyes and sleep. When you wake up everything will be okay I promise.  
“Jean, are you here?” I can hear Marco’s bare feet coming closer and closer to the bathroom door, so I do something that I had learned over the years. I know how to shut myself up.  
I look down at the cuts on my leg, and take a deep breath. The door knob turns, and I do it, screaming at myself. Internally or externally, I don’t know.  
I scratch quickly over the cuts, and the pain cause the barriers of my vision to fade. But I’m still conscious. I obviously didn’t do well enough.  
“JEAN!” Marco’s body is pushing towards me, but it’s too late.  
 _“I’m sorry I’m sorry **I’m sorry…** ”_ I let out another choked sob. I haven’t hurt this much in ages.  
I scratch down again, more furiously this time, and everything goes black.

  
**“JEEAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *continues hiding in box*
> 
> I’m never ever coming out I’m a horrible person.


	10. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean wakes up in his bathroom, in a pond made of his own blood. What happens next is not what he was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> Self harm, swearing, and brief mentions of mental illnesses.

“Lost and insecure, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded. Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me.”

-You Found Me, The Fray

**  
  
**

_It was so dark._

There was so much pain.

But it wasn’t coming from the slices covering my legs, it was coming from inside.

I was a wreck, not only physically, but emotionally.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, but I was forced to close them again almost immediately, the light coming from above was too much for my eyes to deal with in this state. I flinched, and tried to go back to sleep, but it was impossible. There was then a searing pain in my left leg, and I shot up to look at the damage. Instead I was greeted with a very sweaty Marco, who had tear streaks covering his face and was swearing mercilessly.

“Direct pressure… come on…” He was crying and talking to himself, and he seemed to know what he was doing. He was so focused on his job that he still hadn’t noticed me. “Okay… okay… elevate above heart level…” He reached over, grabbing the edge of a stool, and lifted my leg up to it. Slowly, he pushed some towels under my thighs…

And it went dark.

\----------

I coughed and spluttered everywhere, and Marco breathed a sigh of relief above me, and then collapsed. My chest was aching and red from where he had been pushing down on it, doing CPR. My mouth was wet with our mixed saliva, and I wiped it away, breathing loudly. Marco sat back up, and looked me directly in the eyes.

“You’re alive.”

I was engulfed by his arms, and I didn’t care that he was about 5 times as sweaty as Bertl, and caked with my blood. He cried into my shoulder, and was muttering something that was like a mixture of prayers and profanities. He pulled away after a while, and checked my pulse on both my wrist and neck. I surveyed the scene, and it looked nothing short of a horror movie. There was blood all over the edge of the bath and the floor, and the bath water was still red. I blushed as I realised that I was only wearing my blood soaked boxers.

My left and right thighs were wrapped up in some sort of bandage, and I looked like I had just come out of a war. I felt some fingers on my wrists again, and turned back to Marco to find him applying multiple band-aids over the cuts on my fingers. I noticed the knife slid under the basin, and shivered. Marco found me, just a little bit too late, but found me none-the-less. And he’s right, I’m alive. Thanks to him.

“M-Marco…”

“ _Why, Jean?_ ” He looked up to me, finished off on my hands. I noticed he was crying again, and the emotional pain struck again. I just can’t stop hurting people, no matter what I do.

“I didn’t mean to wake up.” It came out before I could stop it, and the second it did Marco jumped on me, clutching his face to the space where my heart was. He was listening to my heart beating.

“You can’t let it stop.” I knew what he meant, he didn’t have to say anything else. I didn’t want him to say anything else.

“I’m just another weight on the shoulders of all the people around me. I did the math. The only person who really needs me right now is y-” I stopped. What if Marco didn’t need me? What if Marco didn’t want me. As if reading my mind, Marco cleared it up for me.

“I need you Jean. I need you so much. Just… shit, Jean. Don’t do this ever again. Please.”

“I can’t-”

“You have to. For me.” Marco sobbed, and choked slightly. He moved his head from my heart so that his forehead was resting against mine. “Promise me. You won’t do this again.”

“I… I promise.”

I lied. I lied again. I’m only digging myself a deeper hole, and eventually I’m going to find myself either in hell, or my own grave. I seem to be digging one for myself anyway.

I looked back at my thighs, and noticed that my left leg’s bandage had a huge patch of blood soaking into it.

“Shit.” Marco got up and crawled over to my leg. He slowly lifted it off the stool, and settled it down on the hard bathroom tiles. I watched as he unravelled the now bloody bandage, and revealed a small towel that he had placed over the cuts. It was completely red from all the blood, and Marco coughed. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…” He removed the towel, and I looked at the mess I had caused. The blood seeped out very slowly, but it was still flowing. Marco gagged, and slowly applied another towel to the mess. He bandaged it up again, and once my leg was up on the stool again, he leaned over and vomited into a bucket he had behind him. He vomited for a little while, but ended up dry heaving, and it made me sick to think that I had caused him to have this reaction. I awkwardly shuffled my body around so I could be next to him, making sure to keep my legs raised. I patted him on the back, and felt another tear slip down my cheek. We were hot messes. Just take away the hot bit.

He stopped heaving, and we sat down on the bathroom floor quietly. We didn’t have to say much, and I wasn’t ready to tell him the complete story. I didn’t even know if he wanted to hear it. So I said the one thing that was weighing down on my mind.

“I didn’t know you swore.”

“O-oh… I don’t normally. It’s only if I’m under pressure or scared. I’m sorry if you aren’t comfortable with-”

“Oh no it’s fine.” I tried to wave my hand, which just ended in a shot of pain running through my veins. “I tried to stop swearing for this year, and I’ve been clean for ages now. I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long to be honest.” I laughed slowly, and Marco shot me a puzzled look.

“How can you be so laid back about this? I just walked into my bathroom to find my boyfriend swimming in a pool of his own blood, holding a knife to his skin. And what the hell was the scratching about?”

Well.

“I… I’m really sorry Marco. I’m… I can’t tell you why I did it. I’ll save it for… for later.” I don’t know if he should ever know. Depression is an ugly thing, and if Marco got it second hand… he has already tried to commit suicide once, and I don’t want Marco to be suffering from depression as well as PTSD.

I couldn’t act as if I hadn’t seen the drugs he had stored under his bed for the different mental conditions he had. I didn’t mind, I was just worried.

“Okay, but you need to tell me sometime.” I grunted, and hoped he accepted that as a suitable answer. “And the scratching.”

“To pass myself out.”

“Why?”

“Impulse.” Lying again. As usual.

“Mnh.” Marco got up slowly, and picked up the bucket. He walked over to the bath tub, and stared down into the sea of red. Sticking his hand in reluctantly, he pulled the plug. As the water was sucked into the drain, he emptied the bucket. I turned away to save my own stomach from emptying its contents. Blood on the floor is disgusting enough, save the puke.

Professor Levi would have a heart attack.

“I’m grabbing a glass of water. Do you want anything?”

“Beer.”

Marco walked out of the door, and returned a minute later with two huge glasses of water with ice. “You suck.”

“I just saved your life. So save me your bull and drink up.” I took the drink, and stuck my tongue out at him. I chugged the whole glass, and then realised that he had saved my life. I wouldn’t be breathing if he hadn’t bandaged me up and done the whole CPR thing. I’d never learnt it, but he seemed to know exactly what to do.

“How do you know CPR, and all of this?” I looked over at my bandaged legs (no longer bleeding through, thankfully), and then looked back at him.

He shrugged half-heartedly, and took another sip from his cup. “Medical classes in high school. I took them so that if anything ever happened to Luke then I could save him. I don’t want to lose another sibling.”

I nodded, not really knowing what to say. What do you say in a situation like this? ‘Hey, dude, its okay. It wasn’t your fault that your sister was run over by a train.’ I mean, that’s not the most comforting of things, right?

“I’m glad I did take that class now.” He smiled, and looked at his work. He was proud of himself, and I owed him a lifetime, literally.

“Where did you get the medical stuff from?”

“Armin.”

My head shot up, and I ignored the pain in my neck. “Does Armin know about this?”

“No, Jean. I know you well enough to know that you would murder me if I called someone. I stole it. I’m just gonna say that it was you getting new refills for my injuries.”

His injuries.

“Marco! What are you doing out of bed? Go back to bed right now! How dare you!” It was a joke, but I was still worried. He was beat, and he still seemed to be okay with moving around like this. Freckled Jesus. Tumblr usernames do not lie.

“Come on. You need some rest as well. You’re not going back to classes until your legs are healed.”

“I don’t know whether to hate you or love you.” I sighed dramatically, and looked up at him shaking my head.

He opened his mouth to protest, but I beat him to it.

“But you saved my life, so I have no choice but to love you.”

“Good.” He stood up with finality and walked out of the door.

“I can’t move.” I shouted after him.

He walked back in through the door backwards with one finger in the air. “That’s right.”

We hobbled our way back to bed, and for the first time in months, slept in separate beds. I couldn’t wait to heal now, but I fell asleep remembering the false promise I made to Marco.

\----------

My legs were taking their god damn time healing, but the past two days had been spent well. Marco and I have learnt a lot about each other after being cooped up together in the same bedroom for days. He gets up every morning to restock our mini-fridge, but apart from that we hardly move. Showers are hard, as I now have a fear of our bathtub, and showering with two big-ass plastic bags covering your thighs isn’t very comfortable. Marco’s face is healing slowly, the swelling has reached a point were it would only look strange from close up. His black eye is curing easily, but his wrists still have to be re-bandaged every morning. The scars will last a few years.

Since we have seen the worst of days together now, I have learnt a lot about Marco. I now know that he has an undying passion for My Chemical Romance, and will listen to them on repeat whenever he gets frustrated or bored. I also know he has a very bad weakness, that I think I may have fueled. Waking up at 3 in the morning to listen to Marco screaming at Battlefield 3 is quite funny. Then he gets annoyed, stating that ‘even with the glowing heads cheat on he still gets beaten to a pulp’ and listens to MCR for a few hours. He hasn’t gotten much sleep since we moved the Xbox to our room.

Eventually I told Marco about how I had ‘college resolutions’. When he asked what they were, I didn’t hesitate to tell him. “No swearing, which I’m doing pretty damn good at. No drinking to get drunk, but screw that plan; not when I’m around you. No being a kinky little slut anymore. In fact, I am completely college virgin at the moment. You should be proud.” He shot me a glance, that had meaning to it. “What?”

“You want to stay college virgin?” He seemed really hesitant around the subject, and I knew that it probably circled around the fact that we had gotten pretty close that one time on the first of October. Nothing had really happened since then, and I was wondering if he wanted something to happen. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want sex from a relationship. Not saying that it wouldn’t be nice to, but I didn’t want sex to be the focus of our relationship. This is the first emotionally based relationship I’ve ever been part of, so I’m letting Marco lead the sexual part of it.

“Not saying that I wouldn’t like to have sex one day, but I can wait if you’re not ready.” I detached my eyes from the TV to look at him, and he was a deep shade of crimson. “Do you want to?”

“Wow, elegant Jean.” He laughed lightly. “I don’t know if I’m ready yet, but it won’t be long. I’ve never… you know…”

“I respect your needs and wants, and I want you to know that I will- WAIT!” I twisted around in my position on the beanbags we’d dragged into our tiny bedroom, to reach for my phone. Grasping hold of it, I opened up my music library, and skipped to the chorus of one of my favourite songs that I knew Marco loved.

“AND I WILL WAIT, I WILL WAIT FOR YOU!” Mumford and Sons rang out around our room, along with the accompaniment of my severely out of tune and slightly raspy voice. Marco was laughing his ass off beside me, and Connie was screaming out from the front room for us to ‘shut up or someone will die’.

We eventually ran out of song, and our voices were broken from shouting along to the lyrics for the whole song. Connie had long since given up, and slammed the door shut to the study. We got our breaths back, and then Marco spoke up again. “Tell me more about this no swearing thing you’ve got going. Why are you not swearing, and did you swear before?” He looked back over at me, silently wiping tears from under his eyes, and clenching his stomach.

“I swore a lot back in high school, and I stopped for two reasons. One being that I thought it would make me a better and more attractive person-” Marco laughed at that, and stopped when I glared something nasty at him. He just settled for a smirk. “The second reason is that I’m on a bet with Eren. First person to be caught swearing has to pay up 30 dollars.” I sighed, and Marco paused the game and looked over at me, confused.

“But you’re like… rich. It’s only 30 dollars.”

“And losing to Eren. I have a reputation to uphold. Eren will not win.” I played the game, and slayed a few enemies. _Eren. Cannot. Win._

“You can swear around me. I won’t tell.”

I looked over at Marco, surprised. He wants me to swear? Why?

“Okay… but if you tell him… I’ll…” No threat was good enough. If Marco told Eren I had swore, that would be all of my pride going down the sinkhole.

“You’ll what?” He was grinning now, and had paused the game to set the controller down and turn his whole body over to me. “Stop loving me?”

He slid off his beanbag, and rested his arms and chin on the edge of mine. He looked up at me as I placed the controller down on the other side of me, and lay back. He licked his lips, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to do stuff to him. Damn.

“No… I could never stop loving you.” I leaned down, burying my face into his neck, and kissing slowly there. He moaned a little bit, and I nipped lightly at the skin. Stopping, I lifted my lips up so they were right beside his ear. “But I will lose my shit.”

We both laughed, and Marco reluctantly went back to his beanbag, picking up his controller. I pretended not to notice him lightly touching the space on his neck I had bitten, and the strain of his jeans. I really was going to lose my shit.

\----------

On Wednesday I received a text from Armin stating that he was coming over to check on Marco after his afternoon class, which ended at 4:55. I warned Marco, and we managed to sufficiently clean up the dorm before they arrived.

“Marco, how are you?” We were all seated on the sofa, holding cups of coffee and eating Doritos from a huge bowl on the coffee table. Armin was looking worriedly between me and Marco, and Mikasa was sifting through the medical supplies we owned. Marco had already told Armin that I had to grab some of his stuff to re-bandage his wrists, and thankfully Armin was okay with it. “And why haven’t you been coming to classes Jean?”

“I was just trying to keep Marco company, I didn’t want him to be driven crazy with loneliness or anything.” Mikasa shot me a weird look, showing me that she was obviously suspicious. I laughed nervously, and Mikasa went back to observing our painkillers.

She and Armin weren’t able to tell that my legs were bandaged up, as I was wearing thinner bandages than normal now, not to mention the baggy sweatpants. I was in the clear.

“I’m fine, thanks Armin. My face is healing nicely, and my wrists will be fine by Halloween.” Oh. Halloween. I had forgotten about the second and more official party since the events of our get-together. “How’s Eren doing?”

I spun my head around to stare at Marco. Why would he even spare a thought for the guy who could have killed him? Apart from the fact that he is obviously Jesus, there has to be a limit to the compassion he can show.

“To be honest, he is broken. He can’t believe himself really. He hasn’t been getting much sleep, and he doesn’t want to see you because he’s afraid that you’ll hate him. He is so sorry, not only to you, but to Jean.” Armin looked over at me, sadness filling his eyes. Eren is… sorry?

That’s not something I’m used to.

“I don’t hate him. I just want to see him and tell him I’m sorry for triggering him.” Marco looked like he was about to cry, so I shuffled across the couch and put my arm around his shoulders. “Could you tell him that I’m not mad, and I want to say sorry for reminding him about his mum?”

“I’ll try, I just think he needs to hear it from you.” Mikasa looked up, and nodded, agreeing to Armin’s statement.

Mikasa cleared her throat, and talked in a small and wary voice. “He’s so sorry. Jean, do you forgive him?”

I hadn’t thought about that. I was mad, very mad. But it was a misunderstanding. Eren was still recovering from his mother’s death, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to hold a grudge against him for being triggered. It happens to everyone. I know that it happens to me. His being angry is understandable. Him throwing the punches doesn’t quite register though.

Sure, he was drunk, and way above his usual limit. He was triggered, and was bound to react, whether it be with words or actions. I couldn’t work out if I should forgive him so easily though. After hearing Armin and Mikasa’s words, them saying that he was having a hard time at the moment with some form of insomnia and dealing with the regret, it makes me feel almost bad for him. Almost.

It’s hard to work out my feelings on this, and I don’t want to forgive too easily. I want to hear it from Eren. I want him to say to Marco’s face, to my face, that he is sorry. I don’t want to be hearing it second-hand.

“Not yet. I want to hear him say sorry. Then I’ll forgive him.”

Mikasa and Armin looked surprised, and Marco looked over at me with a lopsided smile.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?”

Armin laughed. “Did you really just make a decision that made sense Jean?” Mikasa shook her head quickly, and went back to the painkillers. Marco was grinning happily over at Armin. “Marco is a good influence on you.” Armin smiled, and it was genuine.

“I-I guess so?” I looked down at my lap, and rubbed my sweaty palms on my thighs. I looked back up, and Marco was positively beaming at me. He winked, and turned back to Armin.

“Jeany boy’s growing up!” He thumped me lightly on the back, and then put me in a headlock, musing my hair with his fist.

Armin and Mikasa were laughing now. (Mikasa. Was. Laughing. The apocalypse must be on its way.) I couldn’t believe what Marco was doing. He stopped, and lifted my face up to his, and kissed me on the forehead.

I moved my mouth to his ear, and hissed. “I am going to murder you later. You’re a dead man.”

“I love you too, Jean. I’m proud.” He kissed me quickly on the lips.

You are mad Jean. He isn’t adorable. You hate him. He just embarrassed you. Now you must hate him. STOP BLUSHING.

“Hey, by the way… are you guys going to be busy over the Christmas holidays?” Armin had stopped laughing and was watching us closely now, and Mikasa had decided that our medi-kit was suitable enough and had put it down on the coffee table.

“No, we haven’t planned anything… why?”

Armin grinned, and took in a deep breath. “I have an amazing idea.”

\----------

And that was the story of how Marco, Connie and I ended up serving 7 of our friends as we discussed Armin’s plan for the winter holidays. I was expecting it to be something boring, like starting a book club or something, but it was actually one of the greatest ideas I had heard in a long time.

We were going to go on a road-trip.

Armin had a huge map and pieces of paper covering coffee table, and all of our friends (with the exception of Ymir and Christa who were busy over Christmas) were gathered around it chatting excitedly. Even Annie looked excited.

When Armin had first proposed the idea to Marco and I, we had agreed. It would be an amazing way to spend the Christmas holiday, and it would give everyone the chance they needed to see their parents. Armin then asked if he could invite everyone over here so we could plan it out, and Marco had agreed straight away.

An hour later, Eren turned up at our door. The second he saw Marco, he asked how he was, and hugged him tightly, but soft enough so as not to hurt him. Eren was smothering Marco with apologies, and Marco was noble as ever about it. He also said sorry to Eren, who refused to say that even a small part of it was Marco’s fault. After their moment was over, Eren turned to me.

“Jean, I am so sorry about what happened at the Halloween get together last week. I didn’t want to blow up like that and hurt Marco, and I know that I hurt you by doing that as well. I am so sorry, and please could you forgive me?”

I wasn’t expecting the apology, but I accepted it gratefully. We even awkwardly hugged.

Marco was so happy that he had tears in his eyes, and I felt quite proud of myself. Despite his apology, Eren still agreed that he was in me and Marco’s debt, and that he would make up for it. In the meantime though, we were okay. I could hardly believe it, and neither could anyone else. Thankfully, they decided not to question it.

Once everyone had arrived and settled down, Armin spilled the beans and told them all his plan. Everyone was so happy and excited, and Sasha was screaming. Connie eventually got her to shut up (potato chips are the only thing that really work), and Armin explained the idea he had.

We all pitched in little ideas, and eventually we had a plan. Marco had mentioned that he lived beside a beautiful remote beach, and we could stop by there on our travels. Armin’s eyes had never been so blue before. He literally lunged over the table, landing in Marco’s arms. He was shouting uncontrollably about how we wanted to see barnacles and the waves, and it became glaringly obvious that Armin had never been to the sea before. Eren seemed excited about it as well, but he didn’t go jumping on anyone, obviously noticing that we were still getting over the events of last week.

Once the plan was made, the only thing left to do was write out a list of the things we needed, and decide on vehicles.

When my phone said that it was 10pm already, everybody left except for Armin, who stayed back to write out the plan completely with me and Marco. The plan goes as follows;

Lectures would be finished on the 13 of December, so we decided to give ourselves 5 days to get some sleep, and pack up some of the things we wanted to bring. Marco and I will be travelling in my Lotus and Eren, Mikasa and Armin will travel in Eren’s old minivan, which will also be holding the majority of our food. All of our camping supplies will be put in the back of Reiner’s Nissan Titan, which will also be the vehicle shared by him, Bertl and Annie. That leaves the rest of our supplies (like clothes and things) to go in Connie’s Jeep, which Sasha will also be riding in.

We would depart from Trost College on the eighteenth, and go straight to my house to raid our huge pantries and camping supplies. We will sleep there for the night, and then get up early the next morning, and set out on the 9 hour journey to Jinae, where Marco lives. I will stay at Marco’s house for the night, while everyone else goes to Jinae Motel. This will be scary for me, as I will be meeting Marco’s mother and brother for the first time.

The next day (day 3) will be spent on the beach, where we stay for the night also, camping out by the waves. We will wake up early the next morning, and go to Marco’s for breakfast. We’ll leave sometime around noon, and arrive in Ragako (the village where Connie lives) at night. We will camp on his farm for the night.

The next day we’ll spend on the farm, doing whatever people do on farms. Connie said something about horse riding, which might actually be fun. That night, we’ll camp out on the farm again, and leave for Sasha’s home town of Dauper early the next morning.

Day 6 and 7 of our trip will be two whole days spent driving, and sleeping in cars. We’ll arrive late at night on day 7, and sleep in Sasha’s huge estate.

Sasha’s family is considered royalty in Dauper, as they are the main food source, providing meat from hunting to the shops there. For this reason, her house is huge, and has heaps of spare rooms for friends.

Day 8 will be Christmas Day, so we’ll spend the whole day inside eating and playing games, perhaps even catching up with our friends online. I will miss wifi over this trip. Day 9 will be a chill day for us, we’ll go bushwalking out on the mountains surrounding Dauper, and hunt for our lunch and dinner. This makes me nervous, but apparently Sasha is a natural at it, so I’ll trust her to supply us with enough food for the day.

On day 10 we’ll be leaving Dauper, and heading for Eren’s hometown of Shiganshina. We’ll spend the night at a hotel, relaxing. The next morning Armin will set off on his own to his grandfather's house, while the rest of us have some fun in downtown Shiganshina. Eren mentioned something about a disco party they hold on the 28th of December each year, to celebrate Christmas and the New Year. Armin will arrive back at the hotel that night.

The next day (day 12) we’ll go down to Bertl’s house in Outer Maria, and sleep out on a field under the stars. Day 13 is Bertl’s birthday, so we’ll all be going to a water park for the day. Day 14 is the last day of our road trip, so we’ll all be heading back to Trost to celebrate the New Year.

The plan seems almost flawless, and will go perfectly if we stick to our routine. It is almost definite that everything will be okay though… after all, Armin is in charge of this whole trip.

Armin leaves our dorm sometime around midnight that night and Marco and I finally go to bed, a huge weight off our shoulders after finally coming to terms with Eren.

\----------

Friday arrives, and Marco and I are healthy enough to go to the Halloween party. After we are dressed up in our soldier get-up once again, we set off to Armin’s dorm.

The noise levels were tremendous, and the Halloween costumes were amazing. Not only did we see the usuals, like ghosts, vampires and witches, but there were also people cosplaying as characters from Naruto, Dragonball Z, and The Power Rangers. There were some really clever costumes, and some that were just plain hilarious. Some dude with serious side-burns was walking around with a silver funnel on his head, holding a matching silver axe and a red heart with a clock on it. I understood who he was meant to be after I noticed the letters “Sn” written down in bold letters on his shirt. Another girl with black hair in pigtails was walking around with a shirt that said “LIFE” on it, and was handing out lemons to random people.

Eventually I found someone that I knew, Christa. “Hey Jean, hey Marco!” She was wearing the devil outfit again, but her hair wasn’t curled up like it normally was for parties… it was straight.

“I love your hair like that Christa!” Marco, forever complimenting people. “I’m so used to it being curled, it looks nice straight!”

Christa giggled, and opened her mouth to say something back, but Ymir chose that exact moment to walk up. “Something’s gotta be.” She smirked, and pulled Christa into what appeared to be a very passionate kiss, to say the least. Marco smiled, and pulled me away. He had obviously spotted Bertl on the other side of the room. He was wearing his muscle one piece again, and I had to wonder how it wasn’t soaked.

“Hey Bertl!” At Marco’s call, Bertl looked up at us, his eyes wide… frightened. “Are you okay?” Marco let go of me to run over to Bertl, and I walked up quietly.

“There are just so many people, and Reiner left me to go and get a drink 5 minutes ago, and he isn’t back yet.” It all came out in a rush, and it was quite obvious that he was worried. A bead of sweat dropped off his brow onto his cheek and slid down, and from there was soaked up by the hem of his costume. This guy needs to take a chill pill.

“I’m sure he’s fine. Here, me and Jean will go over to the kitchen now and see if he’s there.” Bertl nodded slowly, and mumbled some form of a thanks at Marco.

Finally, an excuse to start drinking.

Marco and I were getting plenty of compliments as we hobbled out way to the makeshift bar, and I had to agree; we did look a whole lot better than we did last week. Marco didn’t need much makeup to look like he had just fought in a thousand wars, and my hobble was very convincing. Probably had something to do with the real hobble I had been sporting for the last week.

We finally managed to make it to the bar, and sure enough we spotted Reiner. He seemed to be making some sort of fire cocktail, and I watched as Marco slowly approached him.

I stayed back and started making some shots for Marco and I as he finally managed to persuade Reiner that Bertl was going to drown in his own sweat if he didn’t make an appearance.

Marco came back to my side, and collapsed loudly on the bar-stool beside me. I passed him the tequila shots, and he looked at me questioningly.

“Where’s the limes?”

Oh. I had an idea, so I grinned at Marco and jumped of the bar-stool. It didn’t take me long to find the girl with the dark pigtails who was dressed as life. Her name was apparently Mina, and she laughed when I asked for a few lemons to some shots. I wasn’t the first.

I got back to Marco, and started cutting up the lemons. “Where did you get them from?” He was watching me trying to cut up the lemons, keyword being ‘trying’. He took over thankfully.

“Life.” Marco laughed, and handed me some expertly crafted lemon slices for my tequila shot. We took them, and then I looked back over at Marco. “When life gives you lemons, make tequila shots.”

“Dude.” Marco was looking at me seriously now. “Don’t get all deep on me.”

I laughed. “Why not? What if I want to get deep on you?”

Marco looked confused, then realisation fell over his face. He went bright red. “J-JEAN!”

We laughed, and then decided to go and join in the karaoke competition going on in Armin’s study.

\----------

**_“RUN BABY RUN! DON’T EVER LOOK BACK!”_ **

When Marco and I had finally managed to make our way to the entrance to Armin’s study (emphasis on Armin’s since he’s the only one who ever uses it) we were greeted with Ymir and Christa singing ‘Check Yes Juliet’ to each other. I expected nothing less, but Ymir’s singing was oddly alright. Christa’s voice was getting more and more slurred as she continued to sip from her beer. The second the song was finished, Ymir was all over Christa, and Eren was making his way up to the microphones.

This is going to be scary.

He selected quite a good song, ‘Scars’ by Papa Roach, but it was going to be terrifying hearing him singing Screamo.

_“I tear my heart open, and sew myself shut! My weakness is that I care too much!”_

Screamo suits Eren, believe it or not. Marco leaned over to me from his place beside me, leaning on the wall. “Eren’s not bad.”

“No.” I shook my head disbelievingly, watching Eren play a very violent solo on his air guitar. “He isn’t.”

The song ended, and Eren was sweaty after doing all that screaming and dancing whilst wearing his red ‘Spanish Inquisition’ robes. He passed the microphone to Marco. “Show ‘em all what you got music boy.” Marco flushed, but walked up to the machine. I followed him… I had a good idea.

“Do they have any Taylor Swift on there?”

Marco spun around, and looked me right in the eyes. “You know what I’m thinking Freckles. Safe and Sound… kill it.” Marco’s eyes teared up, but he nodded. Thankfully, the machine had it on the disc. Apparently Ymir had gotten all of her illegal downloads onto it somehow.

The song started, and the whole room went quiet, save for the distant buzzing coming from the hallway and the dancefloor. Marco took a deep breath, and started.

_“I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I’d never let you go. When all those shadows almost killed your light.”_

I looked around at everyone’s faces, and they all seemed surprised. Even Ymir and Christa had stopped making out. Some people were coming into the room now, probably just to listen to Marco’s voice.

_“I remember you said don’t leave me here alone. But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight.”_

Marco had turned around and was looking straight at me as he sang the chorus. The audience was open-mouthed, and I wasn’t expecting a serenade.

_“Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You’ll be alright, no one could hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe… and… sound…”_

He was so close to me, and I could hear his voice in the flesh, instead of hearing it through speakers or a close door. It was angelic, he hit all the notes perfectly. His mouth seemed to curl around the separate sounds with pitch-perfect precision, and it was jaw-dropping. He was beautiful.

The song was over before I wanted it to be, and the applause that reverberated around the room was astounding. Marco was getting high-fives and compliments, and everyone was amazed. He eventually managed to pull away from the crowd, passing the microphone to Reiner (big mistake) and engulfed me in a hug. “Thank you.”

“Marco, that was all you out there.” I kissed his nose, and he flushed a pale pink. “You only have yourself to thank.” Whatever Marco was about to say back was drowned out by the sounds of Reiner.

**_“SHE GOT A BOOTY LIKE AN HOURGLASS BUT I CAN GIVE IT TO YOU ALL THE TIME!”_ **

Reiner was approaching Bertl slowly, and the sweaty prince was practically drowning the chair he was sitting on. **_“SHE GOT A BOOTY LIKE A CADILLAC BUT I CAN SEND YOU INTO OVERDRIVE, BOY!”_**

Reiner slowly crawled onto Bertl’s lap, and sure enough started dancing. The song ended fast, thankfully, but by the end Reiner was a laughing mess, and Bertl was red-faced and panting like a dog who just ran a marathon.

Reiner passed the microphone to me, and pulled up a chair next to Bertl. I tried to pass the microphone onto Armin, but he wouldn’t take it. The chanting of my name started to grow louder around the room, and suddenly Marco had selected a song for me. My Chemical Romance. Typical.

“GO JEAN!”

“KILL IT HORSEFACE!”

“COME ON JEANY BOY!”

_“GO BABE!”_

I spun around and glared at Marco, but was flushing up from him calling me ‘babe’ anyway. Minus ten glare points to me.

The song started up, and I took in a breath.

_“They’re gonna clean up your looks, with all the lies and the books, to make a citizen out of you!”_

There was shouting around the room, and Marco distinctly wolf whistling. I’ll get him back for this next song.

_“Because they sleep with a gun, to keep an eye on you son, so they can watch all the things that you do.”_

Everyone had started clapping along to the music, and I was getting in the mood. I grabbed Marco’s hand and twirled him around in a circle. I took a deep breath… time for the loud bit.

_“Because the drugs never work! They’re gonna give you a smirk! Cause they’ve got methods of keeping you clean! They’re gonna rip of your heads your aspirations to shreds… **ANOTHER COG IN THE MURDER MACHINE!** ”_

I pulled Marco up so we could both scream the chorus, along with everyone else who was now joining in. I looked over at Eren… he knew there was a swear word in the chorus, he didn’t seem to care though. He waved a hand at me, as if to say go on.

**_“They say that teenagers scare the living shit out of me! They couldn’t care less as long as someone’ll bleed! So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose! Maybe they’ll leave you alone but NOT ME!”_ **

I passed the microphone to Marco, and he sung the next verse. His voice was harsher, and it suited him in a dark, sexy way.

_“The boys and girls in clique, the awful names and they stick, you’re never gonna fit in much kid! But if you’re troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt… **WE’LL MAKE ‘EM PAY FOR THE THINGS THAT THEY DID!** ”_

We all screamed the remaining choruses of the song, and danced around to the guitar solo. It was mad, it was crazy, and it was the most fun I had had in my entire life.

So this is what a social life feels like.

Once the song was over, everyone was screaming ‘encore’, so Marco picked out another song for both of us to sing. He told me to turn around, and wait for the music to start.

I didn’t hear it at first, but then Marco’s voice rang out in my ear.

_“Weep for yourself my man you’ll never be what is in your heart. Weep little lion man you’re not as brave as you were at the start.”_

I joined in, after realising it was Mumford and Sons, one of me and Marco’s all time favourite bands. _“Rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage that you have left. Waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head.”_

Marco turned to me, stealing the mic for himself. He pointed his finger at me, as if rousing on me. He sang beautifully into the mic, but I could sense the extra meaning behind his words.

 _“And it was not your fault but mine! And it was your heart on the line!”_ He stared me right in the eyes, and shouted the next lines. _“ **I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I my dear? Didn’t I my dear?** ”_

Marco sang the rest of the song, me only joining in when appropriate. I worked out why he was singing this song to me.

He was blaming himself for me self-harming.

The song ended, and Marco hugged me close, and kissed me slowly. “I love you so much, Jean. Please don’t.” He didn’t need to say anything else.

It was at this point in the night when I realised. I’m not the only person in the world who blames themself for everything going on around them. Marco does as well.

Marco’s like a mosaic, broken and fractured, but still beautiful in every way.

\----------

 **  
**Tumblr:[freckledjeankirschtein](freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com)

Quick-Fic: [Jag Alskar Dig](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2600696)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7000 words and a few lifetimes later, and i am mad at myself for all this inconsistency. sorry peoples. it took a long time to write out this chapter, because so much plot oh my god wow.  
> kind of scary to write… to be honest. i have my planning book out in front of me, and the next 10+ chapters have been planned but god i have so much to do  
> so the next chapter will be end of year testing, armins b’day, and day 1 of road trip. after that we have like heaps of chapters with the roadtrip… and THEN EVERYTHING FALLS APART HAHAHA ENJOY THE STORM PEOPLE  
> sorry  
> so much is going on for me, i have two exams next week, 4 assignments due in sometime (god knows when) and 2 assessments for music and gym. wowwee  
> so this was awesome writing this chapter (but by that i mean THANK FRICKING GOD ITS OVER WOW) so much to do argh  
> hope you all enjoyed this, and please leave comments and kudos because that makes me happy!!  
> also i am still aiming towards my goal of 1000 followers on tumblr (i am almost at 600 so close) so if you could follow me i will love you and give you updates and funny posts about gay people (WHAT)  
> yeah so follow me peoples at freckledjeankirschtein LINK ABOVE  
> thank you so much for the ongoing support this means so much to me!!! <33  
> enjoy the trip guys!!
> 
> IMPORTANT!!!!  
> MARCO’S POV WILL BE COMING OUT SOON!!! IT WILL BE TITLED AS ‘EYES OPEN’ AND PART OF THE ‘THE OTHER SIDE’ SERIES!!!  
> (oh and thanks for 1000 hits I screamed did you know??)  
> p.s i wrote a mini-fic called ‘Jag Alskar Dig’ for jeanmarco and its fluffy and stuff so read it on the link above :D


	11. End of one Journey, Start of Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin's birthday, and setting off for the unknown.

“All this emptiness has left me feeling numb, but its darkest right before the sun.”  
-The Best Is Yet To Come, Sheppard

**  
  
**

The Halloween party ended on an easy note, which is strange considering our group of friends. Reiner was the only one that was passed out, and Bertl somehow managed to carry him back to their dorm. Annie was smiling, which was even weirder. Mikasa, Eren and Armin were left to clean up the mess, but some people stayed behind to help… I think their names were Samuel, Thomas and Daz. The pigtail girl Mina stayed behind as well. She was fun.

Nobody knew or questioned where Christa and Ymir were.

Connie and Sasha went back to her, Annie and Mikasa’s shared apartment, whilst me and Marco went back alone. The second we walked through the door, Marco was running to the kitchen. I could already hear the faint rumbling of the coffee machine, and some pots and pans banging around.

“Marco, what are you doing? Are you baking again?”

“Yep!” I turned the corner and saw that Marco was already grabbing flour and sugar from our pantry and had a huge mixing bowl on the kitchen table.

“Are you okay?” I already knew that Marco had a tendency to bake when he was worried.

“I’m fine, I just need to work on the cake for Armin’s birthday on the third.”

Armin’s Birthday. I thought I was missing something. “Why are you making Armin’s cake for him? Does he want you to?”

“No, I’m doing it because it is a nice thing that friends would do. You can’t tell anybody. Connie already knows, and he has promised to keep it a secret. Now, tell me. Strawberry, chocolate, caramel, or vanilla?”

“Vanilla with chocolate icing and strawberries. But I didn’t even know you could bake! Well, despite the biscuits but… I think we both had a part in how those turned out.” Marco laughed, and I watched as he started pulling strawberries and chocolate out of nowhere. How did he know where all of this was… and more importantly why hadn’t he told me he bought chocolate?

Freckled Jesus my _ass_.

He started doing his sweet form of witchcraft, and I watched on like a loon. I have no idea how to bake cakes, so there was nothing I could do to help. So I grabbed my laptop and iPhone, and started playing music on our speakers whilst scrolling through Tumblr.

Boyfriend award of the year goes to me.

\----------

On November the second Marco was up until the dead hours of the morning decorating the huge three decker vanilla cake he had baked and shaped over the past two days. I stayed up with him, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t doze off at least twice.

“Are you done yet?”

“Just need the script.”

“Okay. Do you want any help?”

Please say no please say no please say no.

“I don’t think there is really anything you could do Jean. Unless you have some magical hidden talent that makes you capable of flawless French Script.”

“Okay I’ll continue scrolling.”

“Thought so.” I could hear him smiling from my place the sofa.

This is all that had happened over the past few days. Every waking moment for Marco was spent either studying for our upcoming tests, or working long hours baking. I felt bad knowing that there was nothing I could do to help, but Marco didn’t seem to mind. He found it funny if anything.

“Jean! I’m almost done!”

He had said this about 5 times in the last 12 hours, but this time I knew it. I sat up and made my way over to the kitchen, and **_oh_**.

It was huge. It could have passed as a wedding cake, the icing was so smooth and perfect. The strawberries made little red roses that stuck out against the chocolate brown, and the little white icing flowers were spread out perfectly. The French Script reading “Happy Birthday Armin” was written to absolute perfection, and it was by far the greatest cake I had ever seen.

Marco’s going to make our wedding cake. It’s official.

Marco turned around quickly when I jumped, and asked if I was okay. I couldn’t believe what I had just thought. Me and Marco… getting married? That could never happen… could it? Would he really want to spend the rest of his life with a dumb idiot like me? I shook the thought of, and started openly critiquing the cake.

“Icing, flawless. Writing, flawless. Flowers, how did you even make those? Flawless. Now, just one last thing to test. How does it taste?” I grabbed a knife, and acted as if I was about to cut through it. Marco’s karate chop sent the knife flying across the kitchen and straight towards the cupboards, where it lodged itself neatly in the crack between the pantry and medicine cupboard. I turned around to stare at Marco, who was looking down at his hand, looking completely dumbfounded. “I was joking.”

“Okay.” He shook his head, then turned around on his heel to the fridge. Opening it and grabbing some things, he came back to me with a bowl full of vanilla cake off-cuts, left over chocolate icing, and neatly sliced strawberries and icing flowers. “Go to town, darling.”

I grabbed a piece of the cake, and dipped it into the icing. I topped it with a strawberry slice and icing flower, then shoved it in my mouth. “I wuf ooh so muh.”

“I wuv ooh too you idiot.”

I put a trail of chocolate icing down his nose, and then went over to the sofa carrying the bowls full of cake left-overs. Going onto Netflix, Marco and I stayed up a few more hours fueled by the sugar from the cake Marco had spent days making.

\----------

“You shouldn’t have!”

Armin had been squealing uncontrollably for the past 10 minutes, ever since Marco and I arrived at his dorm carrying his birthday cake.

“Happy Birthday Armin!”

I moved around Marco, and handed Armin a colourful bag with a bottle of wine in it. I’d gotten Gunther to somehow get an old bottle of wine that had some history behind it, and send it up to me. Thankfully he’d had one in storage, and sent it up to me with the printed story.

“Thank you Jean!” He accepted the bag from me, and carefully pulled out the wine. “This is amazing! Oh, and what’s this…” He pulled off the document that I had taped to the side of the bottle, and started reading the bottles history. Once he had finished, he looked up at Marco and I with tears in his eyes. “I love you guys.”

Eren walked up beside Armin, coming from the study. “Oh my God Armin, don’t make it _gay_.” As he said it, he had a smile on his face, and he grinned at Marco and I, mouthing ‘thank you’. Nothing mattered more to Eren than his family, and Mikasa and Armin was all he had left. Today must be a special day for him as well.

“I’m going to call everyone over for afternoon tea! We need to try this brilliant cake Marco!” Marco practically glowed, and tipped his head to the side, grinning at Armin. Armin didn’t need to be proud of Marco for the time spent on his birthday cake, he was proud enough of himself. This cake is his pride and joy.

\----------

“Hold me back.”

Almost everyone had arrived but the second that I went to the door to open it up for Sasha and Connie, I was greeted with Sasha sniffing at the air and Connie holding her back protectively. “I smell vanilla cake, chocolate, and strawberries. That means a cake. And there is lots of it.”

There was a boisterous laugh from the living room, that had obviously come from Reiner. “You’re right!”

“OhmygodIwantthecakegivemethat _CAKE_!”

Sasha was out of Connie’s arms and sprinting down the corridor in a matter of milliseconds.

There were screams from the living room, and Connie keeled over laughing. “Oh my God she’s gonna shit herself.”

Sure enough, Sasha was inches from the cake and staring with a hungry glare at the chocolate icing. “ _It so preeettttyyyyyy…_ ” She sounded a little bit as if her body had been taken over by Satan, but we were more or less used to it. Marco was clenching a plate to chest with a horrified expression on his face. Reiner, Ymir and Eren were all laughing, and Armin had his hands out as if he were getting ready to catch Sasha (or the cake, I couldn’t be too sure).

Eventually, Armin cut the cake and shared it out. After I took my first sip of the wine, I was mad that Gunther had never given it to me. It was heavenly. Armin couldn’t stop thanking me. We toasted to Armin, and celebrated long into the evening.

\----------

December 18th came quickly. Testing ceased, and exams were over for a month. We were free. And now our road trip starts. Me and Marco had been spending most of our spare time relaxing, sleeping, packing, or buying supplies. The day had finally come, and we were setting off at noon. We woke up at seven in the morning, and start getting all of our bags out to the main corridor of floor 9. We finished packing at 9am, and Marco and I finally sat down to relax and eat.

“Where’s Connie? I haven’t seen him since we got up?” Marco looked over at me, puzzled.

“With Sasha. They're buying an independent snack stock or whatever the hell it was.” I sighed and looked down into my bowl of Lucky Charms dramatically.

“Are you looking forward to the road trip?”

Marco sounded strange, and I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong with him. He smiled, but it almost looked fake.

“Yes, I am actually.” His mood brightened almost as soon as the statement left my lips. It was true, I am looking forward to the road trip. “I’m hoping that it’s going to help me get better. You know… with being sad and all.”

“Jean. I’m sure it will make you feel so much better! We are going to have ball! Travelling around Maria with your best friends, seeing sights, eating great food, sleeping under the stars…” Marco’s face fell when he realised I had looked away. “Jean, you’re going to get better, I’ll make sure of it.”

“Marco…”

I couldn’t tell him. It was something I had realised when he caught me cutting, when I finally understood that I couldn’t keep friends, I was an awful boyfriend, but overall when I realised that I couldn’t save Marco from life. It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

“ _Sometimes life isn’t for everyone._ ”

Marco’s mouth fell open, and he said something that would change my life forever.

“ _Depression is like a war. You either win or you die trying. We’re going to win Jean. You and me together. We will fight._ ”

My eyes teared up, and I buried my face in the crook of Marco’s neck. “Okay.”

\----------

**_“WE’RE BURNING DOWN THE HIGHWAY SKYLINE! ON THE BACK OF A HURRICANE, THAT STARTED TURNING WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG!”_ **

Marco was singing out loud, and he was not afraid.

We were driving quickly down one of the back roads towards my house, being trailed by the rest of the crew. They had their cars closed up, basking in the glory of car air-conditioning. Marco on the other hand…

_**“WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”** _

… he had been standing up with his upper half outside the car, sticking his shoulders through the hole in my roof I’d had made specifically for my Lotus Elise.

We turned a corner, and the road ahead was completely straight. Nobody used these roads, so we were free to do anything really, as long as we wouldn’t get killed for it.

 _“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways, you play forgiveness, watch him now! Here he comes!”_ Marco was singing, and waving his hands around in the air like a lunatic. I cranked the music up a notch, and sang the rest of the song with him.

_“He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were YOUNG!”_

_**“I SAID HE DOESN’T LOOK A THING LIKE JESUS!”** _

I tore my eyes away from the road for a second to watch Marco. The afternoon lights was working magic on his hair, creating a halo like effect. I had to stop myself from laughing.

_**“HE DOESN’T LOOK A THING LIKE JESUS!...”** _

Marco looked down at me, and realising I was watching him, he fell back down into the car and turned my head back towards the road. Lucky, I was swerving dangerously into the opposite lane.

Marco looked at me, and smiled. I smiled back at him, and it was genuine. I was happy.

_**“...But more than you’ll ever know.”** _

 

 

 

\--------------------

 

this chapter was really short, but it is because i am stressing out heaps and have heaps to do. but here it is, the end of PART 1 of Open Your Eyes, and PART 2 will bring heaps of fluffy angsty adorable gay stuff so don’t worry my son

dude.  
okay, where to begin.

FIRSTLY.  
700 HUNDRED FOLLOWERS ON TUMBLR WOAH OKAY ([follow me bae](freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com))

SECONDLY.  
HOLY CRAP THIS FIC IS GROWING I CANNOT

THIRDLY.  
MARCO’S P.O.V HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN RELEASED AND THE SECOND CHAPTER WILL BE UP IN A FEW DAYS YAYY ([its here :D](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2624519/chapters/5854232))

FOURTHLY. (?)  
7 DAYS UNTIL MY FIRST KISS AU PROJECT BEGINS ([more information on that here](http://freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com/search/SnKFirstKissAU))

FIFTHLY. (???)  
PART 1 OF OPEN YOUR EYES IS COMPLETE. PART 2 STARTING UP SOON!!!!

yup wow so much has happened and i am so happy that you people are enjoying this fic. it has grown into this huge monster made up of words that i probably invented and lots of raging homosexuals and it makes me so happy to be making you peoples happy :)

fic recommendation:[ THE EVIL DEAD by my friend x_carnivale_x](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2530052/chapters/5623544) ([commodorecliche on tumblr](commodorecliche.tumblr.com)) it was so close to shitting myself whilst reading this so scary wow

PLEASE feel free to [send me asks and stuff](freckledjeankirschtein.tumblr.com/ask) on tumblr, and give me fic recs (I NEED RECS) and i love any feedback that you give please just tell me what you think ^u^

c: other than that i hope you are having a wonderful week, and that school/college/life isn’t being too hard on you coming the end of the year. if you are having troubles, please just give me a buzz i love to help people. and i am going through the same thing (exams SUCK) so just send me a message and i will calm you with memes. (no really)

THANK YOU FOR THE ONGOING SUPPORT ON THIS SERIES, AND I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY MARCO’S P.O.V AS MUCH AS YOU ARE ENJOYING JEAN’S!!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL <33333

 


	12. Singing it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I refuse to answer, talk about the past sir, rooting for the ones who want to get away… keep running!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> Homophobic slurs... lots of them. Sorry. :/

“I refuse to answer, talk about the past sir, rooting for the ones who want to get away… keep running! Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls! Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world! Sing it from the heart, sing it 'til you're nuts! Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts!”

-SING!, My Chemical Romance

**  
  
**

“So this is it?”

We were all standing in front of my house, and everybody seemed surprised… apart from Marco that is. He had been here before, so he was used to it. Nobody else had, so they all found it extremely daunting, and for some reason unexpected.

Our cars were lined up along the side of the road, their boots open and ready to be stacked with all of our gear. We were going to need a fair bit of room to be fitting all of this in.

I walked up to the huge wooden door, and opened it up. We all flooded in, and I started assigning everyone with certain tasks.

“Armin and Eren, you can go and take care of the food. The kitchen is over there, just take whatever you see that will last. Sasha and Connie, you can help them. But don’t eat anything because we-.” Sasha and Connie were sprinting off to the kitchens before I could even finish my sentence. “Annie, Mikasa, Reiner and Bertholdt. I’ll show you where the attic is, and where everything is for you to pack. Marco, you can go and raid my bedroom for anything that could be of use.” Marco nodded, and walked away.

Reiner pointed after Marco, confused. “How does he know where he’s going?”

“He’s been here before.” I continued before they could say anything else on the subject. “Now, the attic.”

I lead the five of us up to the next level, and then to the extra loungeroom. Upon getting there, I reached up and pulled the rope that opened up the stairs to the attic. Everybody watched on in wonder, and gasped when they saw the inside.

It was packed.

“Okay, so you can take practically anything that relates to camping. Also, if you find any surfboards or floats or whatever, pack those for the beach.”

Mikasa was the first one to go up, and she picked up an entire tent kit on her own. That’s why I assigned her to this job. Annie followed her soon after, and I took that as my cue.

I headed straight to my parents bedroom, and walked in there like I owned the place. I knew what I wanted, I just had to find it.

I went the the wardrobes first, but there wasn’t any box that I could see. I was looking for a particular one, I had seen it a few times before.

I check the bookshelves and the bedside tables, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. The only place left was the ensuite. I walked in, and started going through my father’s drawers. There was a box there, and it looked pretty familiar, but I couldn’t tell if it was the one that I wanted.

I pulled it out, and took the lid off. To be honest, it was the last thing I wanted to find.

Condoms, vibrators, dildos, lube… rope?

I shivered, and then started packing the box up. I hesitated though, thinking that maybe I should make use of it. I didn’t put any second thoughts in before I grabbed a black plastic bag and packed in an unopened box of condoms and another full bottle of lube. You never know.

I found the box I was looking for eventually, and grabbed the money stacks. My father always had these ready for his bar trips, he preferred to use cash instead of cards whilst drunk. I never saw the sense behind it, but decided not to question it since it was going to pay for this road-trip, without knowing of course. I grabbed a good two thousand dollars, and chucked it all into another black plastic bag.

I ran down to my car to drop in the less innocent of the two plastic bags, and then went back in to check how everyone was going.

Eren was standing in the middle of kitchen, holding a packet of boiled sweets. “Jean, does one of your parents have a baked beans fetish or something, cause the amount of cans I’ve found so far is unrealistic.” The table top was covered in cans of all shapes and size, and at least a third of them were baked beans.

“I don’t want to know. Start getting this all into your mini-van, we need to get to sleep soon. We have an early start tomorrow.” Eren nodded, and started moving the food. I went back out into the hallway and watched as Reiner and Bertholdt passed me holding 5 surfboards between them. “How much have you got so far?”

“All 5 tent sets, these surfboards, heaps of floaties, heaps of sleeping bags, a box full of kitchenware that looks like it was owned by Bear Grylls…”

“Cool! That’s great. Okay, get this back to the car and anything else you can find, and then we’ll sleep.” They nodded, and I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom.

I walked into my bedroom, and was scared when I saw my bedroom floor covered in old board games, eskies, and things I hadn’t seen in years.

“Marco, where did you get all of this?”

“The top of your cupboard. It’s like treasure chest! A gift that just keeps on giving!” A pile of blankets and pillows fell out onto the floor, and Marco soon followed. “What do you think?”

“Actually, I guess these are actually a really good idea.” I gave him the thumbs up, and he grinned. I started helping him taking all of the board games and eskies down to the cars, and watched at Sasha and Connie packed in the last load of food. It was all done, just the bedding that was still in my bedroom.

“Guys, all of you come up to my bedroom and we’ll just grab the bedding then we’re done here.”

“Sounds good!” Reiner ran up to front door and up the stairs, and we all followed. All of the comforters were in the car, so now we just had to find some secret stash of pillows. Eventually I found the cupboard that the maids normally used, and we each took a fresh pillow. We made our way down the stairs, and Bertl was about to open the door when somebody else did it for him.

My mother and father stood in the door, looking down at us, confused. I pushed my way to the front of the entourage, and my father nodded. “Oh Jean, you’re here already. I was going to ask you to attend a dinner tonight. And also, who are these friends?” He looked at the small gathering and then back at me, raising an eyebrow.

I knew what that meant. He was mad at me, but he was holding it in for the sake of his reputation or something. I had seen this look quite a few times.

“Uh, no sorry Father. I can’t attend your dinner… I need sleep. Me and my friends are going on a road trip.” I looked up at him, waiting for him to blow up in my face. It was inevitable anyway. I’d learnt to stop dragging it out over the years.

“No you’re not. You’re attending my dinner.”

I looked behind me, and Marco was looking at my father like he was the devil. Reiner stepped up to address my father, and I thought everything was going to be okay. Then I realised that Reiner was holding Bertholdt’s hand, and it was very easy to see.

Reiner smiled, but it was already too late. He didn’t know it, but it was. “We were wondering if we could all sleep here tonight, if that’s okay with you?”

My father glared at Reiner, then at me. I had never seen him look so angry before. On the outside he looked fine, pleasant almost, but I could see what he was really feeling. My mother was standing behind my father, staring at Reiner and Bertl’s hands, as if trying to hide from it.

My father turned back to Reiner, and glared at him. “Who are you?” I saw Bertl shiver, and Reiner squeezed his hand.

“This is Mikasa, Eren, Armin, Annie, Connie, and Sasha. My name is Reiner, and this is my boyfriend Bertholdt.”

It was too late. I heard Marco step forward behind me, but my father spoke up first.

“We don’t want you queers in our house.”

Everyone in the group instinctively turned towards me, and I shook my head slightly, as if telling them ‘pleased don’t’. Marco was now holding onto the back of my shirt and shivering.

“Father, please-”

“Get your faggot ass out of my house.”

Marco grip tightened on my shirt, holding me back. It was too late. I pushing Reiner and Bertholdt behind me, and stood up for myself for the first time. I wasn’t going to let this go on anymore.

“Father, we want to sleep here for one night. Then we are leaving.”

My father glared at me and the people behind me, and then growled. “No. We don’t accept fags like your friends here. Get out right now.”

“They are nice people-”

“Why are you defending them Jean?” My father shouted in my face, and there was a gasp behind me. He couldn’t know. He couldn’t know. “Don’t tell me you support queers all of a sudden.”

“I ALWAYS SUPPORTED THEM. WHY DON’T YOU?”

My father was silent, fuming. His eyes bored into my soul, and I felt myself crumble. I had never shouted at him before. Never. And the first time I did, I said I supported something he thought was wrong. Something he hated more than anything in the world.

I was something that he hated.

And then, I realised. I couldn’t hide this from him forever. I was dragging this out as well. This wasn’t going to help me in the slightest.

Marco pushed his way in front of me, his face red and posture terrifying. I had never seen him this mad in my life.

“Excuse me Mr Kirschtein, but you are being extremely rude.”

My father turned his eyes to Marco, staring at him. Judging. “And who are you?”

Marco then turns around to me, and he raises his eyebrows. Should I tell them?

I nod before I can take it back.

“I am Marco Bodt, Jean’s boyfriend.”

I expected him to blow up completely, hit me, hit Marco, hit anyone he knew was homosexual. Instead he laughed.

“Liar. My son is straight.” My father looked at me, wiping tears out of his eyes. I looked at him, and raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think he brought so many girls home in high-school? To play goddamn board games? Last time I checked board games don’t scream.”

Marco turned around looking at me, and I glared at my father. I had had enough. I wasn’t going to put up with this anymore.

I tried to think of a wacky comeback, but nothing came to mind. I was empty. Marco did it for me.

“Do you even know your son Mr Kirschtein?”

“Hah? Of course I do. I know that he likes girls. You need to stop with all of these weird illusions… Jean could never love you.” My father laughed and shook his head, as if sorry for Marco.

That did it.

“I love Marco more than I could ever love you.” And then I turned around to Marco, and kissed him.

In front of my clapping friends.

In front of my red faced parents.

“Jean. Get everyone out of my house right now.” He was furious. He couldn’t even look at me.

“Father, I would like to stay the night he-”

“Don’t call me ‘father’. I will not be the father of a goddamn fag. Burn in hell, Jean.”

I stepped up, but the small girl who never talked got there first.

Annie’s voice was as sweet as chocolate when she talked, but it was laced with a threat. “It has been nice meeting you, you homophobic scum. I’ll make sure that the next time we have the pleasure of being in your presence will be in court. Goodbye you piece of fucking shit.”

And then we left.

And I never went back.

\----------

“Jean?”

“Yeah?” I had been driving silently to the closest caravan park that I knew of, and the three cars in tow were trusting me to find them a place to sleep that night. I had been silent for the whole trip, still trying to compute what exactly had happened.

“Are you okay?”

“To be honest, I’m just surprised he didn’t hit me. Apart from that, I’m fine.”

It was a lie. It doesn’t matter how and your family life may be, you will still miss it. I didn’t know if this was a temporary thing or something… I didn’t know. I was lost. I had finally fallen down that hole, and it seemed as if I wasn’t going to be coming out any time soon.

“Okay. How far away is this caravan park?”

“One more turn.”

“Okay.”

Silence feel between us, and Marco was looking out the window. I tried to focus on the road, but it was scary. My parent had told me to ‘burn in hell’, and all because I suddenly started liking the same gender. Could people really be that homophobic? Why hadn’t I know that this would happen… I spent nights thinking about how I was going to come out to my parents, and in all of these dreams they were annoyed for a little while and then they got over it. Apparently life isn’t like that.

\----------

“Me and Marco are just gonna go and get some McDonald's for dinner. Who wants what?”

Everybody wrote down their orders on a spare notebook, and then we set off. We spent what felt like hours trying to place our orders correctly, and finally moved to pay. $112.50. At first I was shocked by the price, then I realised I was ordering for 10 people. I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, and went to press my card up to the register. It beeped, and the cashier looked at the machine.

“Uh, sorry sir. This card isn’t working.”

Well. I pulled out my other cards, but none of them worked. I went back to my Centurion card, and pressed it once more. The message appeared on the screen… and it said that the card had been deactivated.

It all clicked.

“Marco, my cards have been deactivated.”

Marco’s widened, and he looked furious as he got his wallet out, and paid for the lot. I drove forward, my head forward. Of course they would deactivate all of my cards. I had no money but the stuff left in that plastic bag in the boot.

Ugh. I have to get a job.

I looked over Marco, and he was shaking his head and sighing. “Marco, are you okay? I’m sorry you had to pay for that… I’ll pay you-”

“Don’t.”

I fell silent, and stopped at the window where we would get all of our food. Slowly we managed to pack it all into the car, and we set off back to the camp. Not one word was spoken, until Marco groaned and rested his head on my dash.

“Screw you parents. My mum can take you in while you get yourself set up, and you can live with us. Your parents don’t deserve your company. Screw them.”

\----------

We set of the next morning at 6am for Jinae, Marco’s hometown. The plan was that me and Marco sleep at Marco’s, and the rest rent a room at Jinae Motel. It was going to be a 9 hour drive so we guessed that we would arrive at about 3pm, if we were lucky.

We had just set off, and decided that we were gonna need something to talk about, to make time pass faster. I still didn’t know very much about Marco’s family, so I decided to find out more.

“So… Marco?”

“Yeah?” He reached over and turned the music down, and then sat back in his seat so that he was facing me.

“Tell me all of the little things about your family.”

“Well… uh. My mom’s name is Isabel, she’ll probably insist that you call her that. She’s super nice, and cooks the greatest lasagna… you don’t even know. She’s really generous and loves it when people come to visit her. So, yeah. That’s my mom I guess. My brother Luke is hilarious, and really sassy. He’ll probably stay away from you at first, but it won’t take long before he’ll grown accustomed to you. He’s kinda short, and loves console games.”

“Awesome. Sounds like we’ll get along well.”

“Oh, I hope so. My mom’s going to love you anyway, you don’t really need to worry about her.” Marco was smiling, and I could tell from the way that he talked about her how much he cared about her. I noticed that he didn’t mention his other brother or his dad, but I knew he never really saw them any more. I didn’t want to force him to talk about topics that he wasn’t comfortable with.

“Hey, you already know about my school life… how was yours?”

Marco’s smile faded a little bit, but it was still there. “It was okay actually. Most people really liked me, although there were a few bullies. But my friends were rather amazing. I mostly hung out with girls, but they were still really nice.”

I grinned, somehow not surprised by the fact that Marco hung out with girls. Explained some of his habits, like crossing his legs when he sat down.

“There was this one girl who was in my music class, and I saw her as my rival. She was really good at singing, and it always annoyed me so much… I always tried so hard to up her. We’re still friends on Facebook. Her name’s Jessica, she was the one who told me about that Taylor Swift song.”

“She had an amazing voice, but she constantly told me I had better tone. She used to get me to sing her favourite songs for her, mainly Ed Sheeran. She was a girl like that, I didn’t expect much else.”

Ed Sheeran. I’d heard some of his songs before, but never really acknowledged him. He was a talented singer, I knew that much, I was interested in how Marco would sound singing a song by him. I decided to save it for later, he seemed quite immersed in reciting his high school life to me.

“There was this one girl, Tash, in my drama class… and she was crazy. Not in a bad way or anything… she just kind of got too into things sometimes. It was quite funny actually… she spent a whole day before one of our performances acting like her character which was a murdering psychopath. It suited her… but the office soon got sick of seeing her so often. She was nice though. I don’t know what’s happening with her now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she magically appeared in some new soap opera or horror movie.”

Marco laughed, and I smiled. He seemed like he really liked the people at his old school, and I started to wonder if he missed them. I mean, of course he did, but maybe he would like to be reunited with them? I shrugged it off as Marco asked me a question.

“So tell me some more about your high-school life. Nothing sad, just the happy memories.”

It took me a while to think of anything, but eventually I came up with a few.

“Me and Eren used to be best friends in primary school, we were so tight. Armin was there as well, but me and Eren were tight.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No! I can remember when we had our first primary school dance, you know the ones I’m talking about. The really lame ones that everybody tries to forget happens, but they linger in the back of your mind forever. Anyway, that was when Eren decided that we couldn’t be friends anymore. The night of the dance, I asked Mikasa to dance with me, and Eren kicked my leg and ran out of the hall crying.”

I laughed, and Marco was in tears beside me. “Does he remember?”

“Oh, I bet he does. We can find out if you like?”

“How?”

I grabbed my phone from the glove box, and opened it up. I then handed it to Marco. “Just go to Eren’s contact and then call him. Bluetooth should be working hopefully.”

Marco nodded, and pressed around until he found Eren’s contact. Suddenly the music stopped, and a ringing started. It was soon answered.

“Sup Jean-y boy. Bored already?”

“Not for long.” Marco was biting down on his hand beside me, trying not to laugh. “Do you remember our first primary school dance?”

Armin voice came through. “You are so lucky you’re in a different car right now Jean.”

“JEAN. I TOLD YOU TO FORGET THAT. I WAS MAD.”

“Told you Marco. I knew he’d remember it.” Marco was laughing out loud now, shaking and hiccuping.

“YOU TOLD MARCO?”

“I had to!”

“Did you tell him the other part?” Eren sounded so god damn smug. What was he talking about?

“What other part?”

Eren laughed, and answered. “The part where you asked Mikasa to dance.”

“Yeah… so?” Marco was looking at the dashboard now, focusing entirely on listening to the conversation. I couldn’t see where Eren was going with this… so what if I asked Mikasa to dance?

“What song was playing at the time Jean?”

How could he remember that. Even I managed to forget it. Until now. “No.”

“YES!”

“Guys!” Marco was staring at me now, excited. “What song? Tell me!”

Eren laughed wildly. “Mikasa… lead us in.”

There was a sigh, then Mikasa’s voice came through the receiver.

“He came to town like a midwinter storm, he rode through the fields, so handsome and strong.” Marco looked up, confused. Maybe he didn’t know the song? “His eyes was his tools and his smile was his gun…” He turned to me, his eyes wide and mouth gaping. “... but all he had come for was having some fun.”

Marco, Eren and Armin all screamed the chorus. “IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR COTTON EYED JOE! I’D BE MARRIED A LONG TIME AGO! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM COTTON EYE JOE?”

Marco was laughing so loudly now, and when he finally stopped and looked me in the eye, wiping tears from his cheeks. “Are you serious? Jean!” He started laughing again, and I shook my head.

“You’re going out with him Marco!”

Gee, thanks Eren.

I hung up, and Marco continued laughing for what seemed like forever.

\----------

Marco and I talked for most of the trip, every now and then taking a break to listen to the music. I was forced to turn it down when Reiner’s Titan pulled up next to mine on the highway, and he rolled down his window. “Highway to Hell” was being belted out of his cars stereo at an offensive volume, and I had to tell him to turn it down so that I could hear him.

“We have to turn off at this next right exit for the Motel! Text me tomorrow morning with Marco’s address and we’ll be there at 9! See ya!”

We waved goodbye to them, and then took the right exit after theirs. “So your house is just up here right?”

Marco was bouncing up and down in his seat, extremely excited. “Yep! I’ll tell you when to turn!”

There was a pause for about 2 minutes, and then Marco yelled out. “Next turn! It’s a long drive way, so be patient!” I nodded, and took the left turn. It ran deep into a forest area, and I couldn’t see the end of it. “Turn the volume down, I want to surprise them!” I laughed, and did as he said.

“They are gonna be so excited, oh my god. I can’t wait to introduce them to you! Luke’s gonna be so happy, and mom! Oh, mom.”

I finally saw the end of the driveway, and parked the car a little bit away, just to please Marco.

We walked up (or in Marco’s case, skipped) and he stopped in front of the door. Their house was quite small, and appeared to be surrounded by dense forest. I was used to it, but it already felt more home-like than the Kirschtein Estate.

Marco knocked on the door, and I heard a shout from inside.

“Mom! Are we expecting someone?” It sounded like a prepubescent boy, and he sounded a little bit wary.

Marco turned to me, grinned. “Luke.” He smiled.

“No, we aren’t! It’s probably those darn pamphlet people again. Ugh. Leave it.”

Marco appeared to be stifling a laugh. He grinned, and then took a breath.

“Hello! Delivery for Mom and Luke! One Marco for your enjoyment!”

There was a pause, then Luke voice rang out again. “Marco. Mom! MOM IT’S MARCO!”

“MARCO?”

The door was suddenly slammed open, and a shape jumped up and wrapped his arms around Marco. The was a short lady at the door, with curly black hair and freckles. She was smiling and laughing… and she looked just like a mom should.

She wasn’t fake. She was smiling. Her hair wasn’t done up all special. She was wearing normal clothes, not a tight short dress. She looked like the mom I’d never had.

Luke finally hopped off Marco, and his mom stepped up to hug him. “Welcome home, honey.”

“Thanks Mom.”

“Hey, who’s your friend here?” She turned to address me, smiling. I smiled awkwardly back, and Marco introduced me.

“Mom, Jean. Jean, Mom. Mom, Jean is my room mate from Trost… and also my boyfriend.”

“Honey! I’m so happy for you! You even scored a cute one!”

Oh no.

I could already feel the ferocious blush working it’s way up my cheeks, and it was impossible to hold back. All mom’s are supposed to say that, damn it. That’s what moms do.

Marco was blushing beside me as well, muttering under his breath, but smiling none-the-less. At least he was happy.

“It’s lovely to meet you Jean! You can call me Isabel!” Marco looked over at me, smiling. ‘Told you so’ he mouthed, and I grinned.

“It’s amazing to meet you too, uh… Isabel.” Oh god, first name terms already. This is terrifying. “Marco’s told me so much about you!”

“All good things I hope!”

“Oh, of course! Let’s go in, it’s freezing out here!”

\----------

“Jean, you can sleep in Marco’s room, right?”

“Uhh, uh yeah. Sure.”

Me, Marco and Luke were all sitting in front of the fire, warming up. It had gradually gotten colder and colder as the day passed, and now it was freezing. Isabel was in the kitchen cooking lasagna (by Marco’s request), and talking to us at the same time.

“Do I need to get an extra mattress or are you two already sharing a-”

Marco spun around to stare at the innocent looking Isabel. “MOM!” He was flushing a deep red, and Isabel just laughed.

“Well? Are you gonna answer my question?”

Marco groaned. “We’ll be fine.”

Isabel laughed, and Luke looked over at us.

“So you are sharing a bed.”

“S-so?” I didn’t want to be judged by a little kid, that was just awkward. Luke was watching me, smirking.

“How long have you guys been going out for?”

“5 months…”

“So when are you getting married?”

\----------

Isabel thankfully came to the rescue and told Luke that it was time for him to go to bed. He said okay, but reluctantly.

Isabel came out from the little hallway, and into the living room. “So, I was going to put up the Christmas tree! Would you like to help?”

Marco and I both agreed, from lack of anything else to do. Marco went up the manhole in the main bedroom to get the Christmas tree out of the attic. He emerged with it, and together we hauled it out into the living room, and started unpacking all of the little branches. As we unpacked, we warned Isabel that we would be having another 8 friends coming over at 9 tomorrow, then we would be heading down to the beach for a day, and sleeping there that night. She instantly started preparing to cook up a huge banquet breakfast, and Marco told me to give up telling her that we would fine, since she would do it anyway.

I soon learnt that once you get Isabel on a run, she will be an unstoppable force that will penetrate all of the walls you put up… she gets shit done, and she does it her way.

We had finished unpacking the tree, and now all we had to do was put it up. It was meant to be a simple task that was over with quickly, but it turned out to be much harder.

“Okay, so the purple marked branches go on the bott- MARCO! That’s blue! What are you? Colour-blind? Jean, honey, could you please get that yellow branch over there for m- no the other- the other on- Jean. Yellow. Not pink.”

It took us over 2 hours to get the actual tree up and spread all of the branches. Then it was time for the decorations. Isabel disappeared into the main bedroom, and reemerged with a plastic bag full of bright little baubles.

“These are homemade, so please be very careful with them. I don’t want them to break.” We started hanging them up, I went from the top, and Isabel just hung them wherever she pleased. Eventually it got to the point where Marco gave up.

“Stop stop stop. You are doing it all wrong. There is an order in which you are supposed to be hanging these up. Mom, do I have to go over this every single year-”

So me and Isabel sat back on the lounge and watched as Marco took down the job we had done, and re-hung all of the baubles up in his particular order, which actually looked quite nice and even. He eventually got near the top, and had to stand on a chair to reach up and get there. He reached his hands up in the air, and the back of his shirt rode up, showing his lower back. I grinned, and turned to Isabel.

“I’m a big fan of your work.”

“The baubles?”

“Marco.”

\-----------

**  
  
**

Marco put the star on the top of the Christmas tree, and Isabel made us pose for a photo in front of it. She told me to go and get dressed in the bathroom, which I did whilst she talked to Marco about something or other. She then ordered us to go to bed, saying that she needed to start working on breakfast tomorrow, and she wouldn’t be dealing with any distractions. We said goodnight (Isabel kissing Marco on both cheeks, and me as well, much to the enjoyment of Marco), and then went to Marco’s bedroom.

On first glance I thought it was tiny, but the only thing that I could compare it to was out dorm bedroom, and mine. All visible wall space was taken up by photos and band posters, and he appeared to have a shrine made just for My Chemical Romance.

“What do you do here? Worship the Band Gods?”

“Woah, dude. That’s weird. Just animal sacrifices.”

We both laughed and Marco started setting up his bed. He added more pillows and comforters than any one person should ever need, but it did make sense due to the cold and the absence of any internal heating apart from a fire did make an exception.

“What do you think of my family?” Marco was sitting cross-legged on his bed, smiling up at me.

“They’re are amazing. It will take a while for Luke to warm up to me, but your mom is amazing.” I grinned, and gave Marco the thumbs up. He sighed, and pretended to wipe sweat off his forehead.

“That’s good. I… um. Well…”

“What?” Marco appeared nervous all of a sudden, and was scratching his cheek. He only does that when he’s worried. “You can tell me.”

“I told my mom about what happened at your house.”

“Oh.” I was okay with that. I trusted Marco, and I trusted his family. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. But what did she say?”

Marco looked up at me, appearing less worried. “She mentioned that we have two spare weeks before college goes back in, and after we’ve finished our road trip… so she asked if you would like to come and live with us for a week and a bit?”

“Marco! I would love to! That sounds amazing!” I leaned in, and kissed him on the nose. “What were you so worried about? Did you think I was going to say no?”

“Well, yeah kind of.” He grinned, and looked away from me going slightly pink. Dork.

I laughed, and collapsed on the bed beside him. “You’re mad. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He stretched, and turned the lamp off, engulfing the room in darkness. “We should sleep.”

“Yeah, okay. Goodnight Marco.”

“Goodnight Jean.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK BITCHES


	13. Embers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now I'm acting like I'm in an EastEnders episode.

“I’ve met someone that makes me feel seasick! Oh what a skill to have, oh what a skill to have!”  
-Kill the Director, the Wombats  
  
  
  
We woke up early the next morning, knowing that Isabel was going to be expecting us to help her put the finishing touches on breakfast. Sure enough, she was already up and bustling around the kitchen with an energy that I had only seen before in Marco. It all made sense now.  
  
The table was already set with knives, forks and spoons, and there was freshly made orange juice and pretty plates. I could smell croissants and fruit, and I saw the stacks of pancakes and raisin toast already set out and buttered. Isabel was standing at one end of the dining table, looking extremely proud of herself.  
  
I looked over at Marco, who was giving his mother the thumbs up. “What time is it?”  
  
“The clock right in front of you says that its 8:30… coincidentally just like the watch you are wearing.” He looked over at me, smirking.  
  
“Oh, suck my d-… doesn’t matter.”  
  
  
\----------  
  
  
The rest of our friends arrived right on time, and thankfully by then Marco and I were fully dressed and completely ready for socialisation.  
  
It didn’t happen often, so we had to savour it when we could.  
  
Isabel sat at the door, shaking everyone’s hands as they entered, making sure no one was left behind. Annie even smiled. Goes to show just how nice and accepting Isabel is. We truly were blessed with her presence. We all gathered around the table, and the ‘thank you’s’ and compliments didn’t come to an end throughout the whole meal.  
  
There was something oddly home-like about the meal. For once we were all quiet apart from the odd compliment. Eren ate politely. Reiner was quiet. Mikasa smiled. Bertl stopped sweating. It was peaceful, and for that hour, everything was okay.  
  
I was able to look around a table, and smile at Eren, accept that Annie wasn’t emotionless, be thankful for Reiner’s presence.  
  
Everything… was _okay._  
  
  
\----------  
  
  
“So how do we get to the beach exactly? How far away is it? Are there… ARE THERE BARNACLES?”  
  
I had never seen Armin so happy in my whole life. He was bouncing up and down, grinning… laughing. It was almost adorable.  
  
We were all getting the last of our things together for the beach, and everything was pretty much going smoothly. There was one thing going on that was a little bit surprising though… Eren wasn’t talking to anyone, he was just standing in the middle of the room, and looking out the window like a guy possessed. I shrugged it off, thinking it was nothing… but an offhand comment from Reiner did it.  
  
“Is Mikasa feeling better?”  
  
I spun around, and looked at Reiner. He was asking Bertholdt, but I was interested in the answer as well.  
  
“I think she’s just worried. She was really quiet after it happened, and Annie also mentioned that she didn’t sleep at all last night.”  
  
Reiner nodded. “What about Eren?”  
  
“I don’t know. Confused probably. Apparently he didn’t get much sleep either. But look at him now, he seems so distant… I think Armin might have talked to him about it.” Bertholdt shrugged, and looked over when I approached the two of them.  
  
“What happened at the hotel last night?  
  
Reiner looked around him, and then back at me. “You should asked Eren. Better to hear it from him.”  
  
I shrugged, and made my way over to Eren. I approached him slowly, and then threw my arm over his shoulders. “So, what’s going on in your head.”  
  
“I can’t think straight.”  
  
“Is that a sexuality joke or-”  
  
“Jean.”  
  
“Sorry.” I lead him over to the closest wall, and we leaned back against it, slowly sliding to the ground. “So. Therapist Jean here. Tell me all your problems.”  
  
Eren sighed, and hung his head between his knees. “I like someone.”  
  
I rubbed my hands together. “Ooh, this one is gonna be good. I already know who it is.”  
  
“HOW? AM I BEING TOO OBVIOUS?”  
  
“Yeah, the way you blush whenever he looks at you kind of does it.”  
  
“I don’t blush whenever- wait. He?”  
  
“Yeah…” I shook my head, about to laugh. Levi was obviously a guy, could Eren just not tell?  
  
“I’m straight.”  
  
“So was I.” I shook my head, and glanced over at Marco, who was trying (and failing) to calm barnacle-boy. He was leaned up against the screen door, laughing. He’s so hot. “When you like a guy, it’s called being gay.”  
  
“But… she’s a he.” Is he actually serious right now?  
  
“Eren. Levi is a dude. He has a DICK.”  
  
“What part does Levi play in this?” Maybe I was wrong.  
  
“A big one. You like him don’t you?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Oh.” Well, I guess I was wrong. I looked over at Eren, and I could tell just from the look on his face that he was extremely love sick. “If you are straight, I have no idea how to help you. Girls are weird.”  
  
“Not her…” Eren looked off into the distance, all dopey.  
  
“Who is _her_? And how are you going to get her?”  
  
Eren sighed dramatically, and turned back to me. “I don’t know… what can a guy do to get a girl’s attention? I want her to like me, but it’s gonna be hard. Really hard.” He groaned, and looked at me pleadingly. “How do I seduce her?”  
  
“Who is she?”  
  
Eren sighed. “You should know by now. I like- WAIT! That’s it! Thanks Jean!”  
  
Eren was up and running over to Armin before I could even register Eren’s sentence. Somehow I managed to help Eren… without actually helping him… and I still didn’t know who he was so in love with! Life really is impossible it turns out.  
  
“Jean? What the hell just happened?” Marco was standing above me, offering me a hand up off the floor. I took it, and he pulled me up. “Eren grabbed Armin and ran off somewhere muttering something about love.”  
  
I groaned, and looked up at Marco. “Eren is impossible. I try and help him with his love-life, and I do. Except I don’t. It’s so… so confusing. Can we go to the beach now please… I need some relaxation time.”  
  
“Okay!” Marco walked over to the middle of the room, and got everyone’s attention with a clap. “LET’S GO!” And then he walked out to his backyard.  
  
We all picked up our bags, and followed him eagerly. All I saw was bush, and I was wondering what on earth Marco was doing. I ran up ahead until I was next to him. “Where are you going?”  
  
“To the beach.”  
  
“Marco. We are in the middle of a motherfucking _forest_.”  
  
“Great observation Jean.”  
  
“You little shit.”  
  
“You’re on a roll today, aren’t you?”  
  
I looked over at him, and glared. He laughed, and kissed my forehead. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”  
  
  
\----------  
  
  
We kept walking on like that for a while, and my trust in Marco was plummeting at an alarming rate. It was almost midday, and we were still somewhere in the heart of the forest. At least we were walking on a path, so that meant that people had been here before.   
  
That was the only upside.  
  
“Marco, does this forest ever end?”  
  
“No Jean. It goes on forever.”  
  
“Are you being sarcastic.”  
  
“Yes.” Marco sighed, and walked a little faster. “The end of the forest is just up here everyone! Come on!”  
  
Suddenly we were all sprinting towards the light, eager to see anything that wasn’t a tree. We and ran and ran, and my lungs were burning… but it was all worth it. The view was incredible.  
  
The forest ended, and then the beach started. A huge sandbank hill lead down to the beach, and then it was just water. The beach was closed off, completely private… and it looked like our own personal heaven.  
  
“Welcome to Ehrmich Beach!”  
  
We and ran down the sandbanks, falling over each other into a heap at the bottom. We dropped our backpacks, and started setting up our tents, towels and surfboards. Then the beach party began.  
  
  
\-----------  
  
  
Marco and I had given up on trying to surf, and instead we were sat back on the beach watching Reiner falling over whilst showing off to Bertl. Sasha and Connie were splashing around in the waves, laughing and screaming. Armin and Eren had disappeared to their tent, and Mikasa and Annie had done the same. It was strange… the whole group was acting slightly angsty, and Marco and I still had no idea why.  
  
“Hey!” Marco’s shout pulled my out of whatever void I was sinking into. He was staring at me, excited. “Wanna go gather everyone up and play a game?”  
  
“What game?”  
  
“You’ll see!”  
  
Marco went over to Mikasa and Annie’s cabin, and I went to go and check on Armin and Eren.  
  
“Hey, Armin… Eren? Everything okay in there?”  
  
Eren emerged from the tent, and immediately shielded his eyes from the sunlight. He made hissing sound, and Armin crawled out after him. “What’s up Jean?”  
  
“Marco wants to play a game.”  
  
“What game?”  
  
I smiled. “Ask him.”  
  
Armin nodded, and together we Reiner and Bertholdt back to shore. Connie and Sasha stopped playing their game, and came to join us as well. They came in, and we all gathered around a little pile of wood. I guessed it was supposed to be a campfire, and it just hadn’t been lit yet. It was still light, so we didn’t need it.  
  
Marco cleared his voice and spoke out to the group. “Okay. I think something is going on here that not everyone knows about, so I think that it is about time that we all loosen up. This is a game that we used to play in music class, either for a challenge, to test your skills, or just for fun.”  
  
I already knew I was going to be rubbish at it.  
  
“Okay. Jean.”  
  
“Oh no.”  
  
“No no, don’t worry. I want you to choose any song, and a verse. I have to sing that verse, without stuffing up.”  
  
Really? That sounded a lot easier than Marco was making it out to be.  
  
“Okay. 2 nd verse of… Lego House by Ed Sheeran.”  
  
“Okay.” He took a breath, and started singing.  
  
 _I’m gonna paint you by numbers  
And colour you in  
If things go right we can frame it and put it on a wall  
It’s hard to say it, but I’ve been there before  
Now I’ll surrender up my heart  
And swap it for yours  
  
_ Everyone clapped, and Marco bowed.  
  
“That one was too simple!” Sasha was pointing at Marco grinning. “You should do a less popular one!”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Um… what’s that one by Ed Sheeran, ‘cause you need me man-’”  
  
“You Need Me I Don’t Need You? Sasha… that’s a rap song.” Eren grinned at Marco, a challenge. “You couldn’t do that, could you?”  
  
Marco laughed. “What verse?”  
  
“Second verse.”  
  
“Okay then.” Marco took another breath, and rapped!  
  
 _“Cause with the lyrics I'll be aiming it right_ _  
I won't stop till my name's in lights  
At stadium heights with Damien Rice  
On red carpets, now I'm on Arabian Nights  
Because I'm young and all my brother's gonna give me advice!”  
  
_ Everyone was staring disbelievingly at Marco, but I almost expected it. What couldn’t Marco do? _  
_ _  
“Long nighter, short height and I gone hyper  
Never be anything but a singer-songwriter  
The game's over but now I'm on a new level  
Watch how I step on the track without a loop pedal!  
People think that I'm bound to blow up  
I've done around about a thousand shows  
But I haven't got a house plus I live on the couch  
So you can read the lyrics when I'm singing them out!”  
  
_ Reiner stood up, laughing “OW!” _  
_ _  
“From day one, I've been prepared  
With vo5 wax for my black hair  
So now I'm back to the sofa, giving a dose of what the future holds  
'Cause it's another day!”  
  
_ He was even changing the lyrics to suit him! _  
_ _  
“Plus I'll keep my last name forever keep the genre pretty basic  
Gonna be breaking into other peoples tunes when I chase it  
And replace it with the elephant in the room with a facelift  
Into another singers shoes using new laces  
Selling CD's from my rucksack aiming for the papers  
Selling CD's from my rucksack aiming for the majors  
Nationwide tour with just jack, still had to get the bus back  
Clean cut kid without a razor for the moustache  
I hit back when the pen hurts me  
I'm still a quiet boy in a F.O.B tee  
I'm still the same as a year ago  
But more people hear me though  
According to the MySpace and YouTube videos  
I'm always doing shows if I'm not I'm in the studio  
Truly broke, never growing up call me Ruffio”  
  
_ Now it was unbelievable. How did he know all of this? How did he memorise it? _  
_ _  
“Melody music maker  
Reading all the papers”  
  
_ There was not an intake of breath. We were all waiting for it. _  
_ _  
_Marco grinned, and said the final line. “ _They say I’m up and coming like I’m fucking in an elevator_.”

“Cause you need me man, I don’t need you! Cause you need me man, I don’t need you! Cause you need me man I don’t need you at all.” Sasha pointed at Marco, laughing.  
  
Marco grinned. “Cause you need me man, and I don’t… need you.”  
  
We all clapped and laughed, and I just gave Marco the international look of ‘why didn’t you tell me’. It was just one of those things that I wish I had known.  
  
Connie yelled out to me. “Your turn Jean!”  
  
“What? Why?”  
  
“Because!” He laughed, and looked up, scratching his non-existent beard. “I think I know a good song. You know it, but it will probably be challenging.” He grabbed a coke from our esky, and opened it with a smirk.  
  
“Okay… what song.”  
  
“All you have to do is sing the first verse. I’ll do the before bit.” We were all silent, and stared at Connie, waiting for him to start. Then he did. “Na na na na na na na na na na na na na…”  
  
“YES!” Marco jumped up, squealing. Everybody else joined in, and then my part came. This was going to be hard.  
  
 _“Drugs, give me drugs, give me drugs  
I don’t need them but I’ll sell  
What you got, take the cash and I’ll keep it.”  
  
_ Oh god what’s next?  
  
 _“Say thanks to the wall”  
  
_ Connie choked on his coke, and laughed madly. I must have gotten that wrong.  
  
 _“Store the cash at the mall”  
  
_ Even Marco was laughing now.  
  
 _“And we crawl and we crawl and we crawl  
You’ll be my detonator!”  
_  
Marco gave me the thumbs up, so I continued.  
  
 _“Love, give me love, give me love  
I don’t need it but I’ll  
Take what you’ve got and I keep it  
In a bag, in a box  
With an X on the floor  
More give me more give me more!”  
  
_ **“SHUT UP AND SING IT WITH ME!”  
**  
 _“Na na na na na na na-”_  
  
“From mall security!”  
  
 _“Na na na na na na na-”  
_  
“To every enemy!”  
  
 _“Na na na na na na na-”_  
  
“We’re on your property, standing in… V formation!”  
  
 _“Na na na na na na na-”_  
  
“Let’s blow an artery!”  
  
 _“Na na na na na na na-”_  
  
“Get plastic surgery!”  
  
 _“Na na na na na na na-”_  
  
“Keep your apology, give us more… detonation!”  
  
“Jean, believe it or not, but you actually did okay. Well done.” Eren patted me on the back, and chuckled lightly. I noticed Reiner out of the corner of my eye setting fire to the wood. Thank god… I was starting to freeze. Eren spoke up again, sounding extremely excited. “Hey! Can I have a turn?”  
  
“Ooh! I’ve got one for you Eren!” Armin’s voice was robotic… as if he had been practising this. “Kill the Director. Verse 1.”  
  
“Okay!”  
  
What the hell is going on?  
  
Eren stood next to the little fire, and he smiled. Mikasa had been quiet for the whole game so far, but now she looked up. I looked over at Marco, and he was watching carefully. Probably doing some weird psychological voodoo aura shit. I wouldn’t be surprised. Probably reading the waves to find out what was going to happen. I expected it from Marco… he just seemed to know what was going on… always.  
  
 _“I’ve met someone that makes me feel seasick!  
Oh what a skill to have, oh what a skill to have._ ”  
  
Eren was grinning, and Armin looked as if he was wiping tears out of his eyes. Mikasa was watching Eren carefully, her face black.  
  
 _“So many skills that make her distinctive!  
But they’re not mine to have, no they’re not mine.”  
  
_ Eren was smiling even wider now, and walking slowly over to where Mikasa was sitting. What am I watching?  
  
 _“Every time she looks I read the nearest paper!  
But I don’t care about the soaps, no I don’t care about the soaps.”  
  
_ Eren crouched down in front of Mikasa, and grinned. All of a sudden, Mikasa smiled.  
  
 _“But now I’m acting like I’m in an EastEnders episode!”  
  
_ Mikasa laughed lightly, and then I realised what was going on. Eren was serenading Mikasa! I looked over at Marco, who was watching them, smiling.  
  
 _“If this is a rom-com, kill the director!”  
  
_ Eren and Mikasa were getting closer and closer, and I found myself holding my breath. Annie and Armin had moved away, giving them space. At this rate it looked like they were going to need it.  
  
 _“If this is a rom-com, kill the director please.”  
  
_ Eren and Mikasa were kissing before we could fully compute it. I smiled, and silently wiped a stray tear out of my eye. I looked over at Marco who was grinning. “Bring back any memories?”  
  
I knew exactly what he meant. I would never forget that night. “What could you _possibly_ mean Marco?”  
  
He grinned, and picked up a stray stick from the ground. In front of us, he wrote out our song. Start to finish.  
  
I watched his every move closely, his hand moving gently, making sure not to miss a line, miss a word, miss a letter. The embers from the fire left dancing shades of red and orange on his face, beautiful fire rings in his hair. It was the simplest things that I noticed, and it was these simple things that I loved.  
  
I watched him write out our song in the sand on a private beach, and I felt the sinking feeling again.  
  
That day I fell in love with Marco all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EREMIKA IS NOW CANON IN THIS FANFIC WOO FINALLY


	14. Ragako

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You tear yourself down just to feel like a whole for a fleeting moment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT IS SHE UPDATING

“When it slips from my fingers I’ll be good, as I should and like you could.”  
-Burning Out, Thomston

 

There are some things in your life that you know you will never be able to forget, and you’re glad of it. For me, it was the night sky of Ragako.

It was a sight to be seen, something that I had never had the luck to look at whilst living the high-life in Trost. Spending so long in a place of competing glass towers leaves you revelling in the little things.

Our group’s tents were all circled up around the campfire, casting shadows on the dirty ground with embers and sparks mixing with the green of the grass. Connie was blessed to live in a place like this… the Ragako farm was one of the most peaceful places I had been in my whole life. Just sitting under the stars surrounded by the people I loved made it easy to forget my stressors. This was the best form of self-help.

“If you look over the fence on your right you can see the cattle!” Connie was walking around the circled group, pointing at the distant horizon. He knew where everything was, and seemed to have total control over everything. Needless to say, this was a side of Connie that I had never had the luck to see before. He was in his zone- literally and figuratively.

“I can’t tell you how I excited I am for tomorrow. I haven’t ridden a horse in what feels like years!” He collapsed onto the grass, stretching out and easily finding a comfortable position. “You’re all going to love it so much. That’s the best part of living on a farm. You always go to other people’s houses, and they’re so grand and beautiful and pristine… but then you come out here and it’s just raw. All your friends think that spending the night here would be the worst experience in their whole life, but in the end they enjoy it and leave this place a changed person. There is no better feeling than that… knowing that having someone step into your shoes for a day can change their whole mentality.” He shifted slightly so that he could see us all. “This is what life should be like. Always.”

\---

I thought that being in such a peaceful environment would lead to the best sleep of my life, but I found out before long that that thought was completely wrong. Marco and I’s tent had no floor, so it was just sleeping bags between my body and the ground. Just to add on to the lack of comfortability in this situation, the sleeping bag that I was using was the one that I used in Grade 6 summer camp… which was a long time ago. I didn’t fit in there at all, my legs were curled up and my side was resting on a tiny city made of rocks. It was terrible to say the least.

I thought that it couldn’t get any worse, but I was oh so wrong. Sasha and Connie were at it. All… freaking… night. I suddenly understood Marco’s pain the night I was out at the dinner with my family, being alone and in this situation is depressing. Waking Marco up was out of the question, I could never subject the boy to this. His little sleeping pug-face would hate me forever more… or at least until morning. Everyone else somehow managed to get the perfect nights rest whilst I was up awake, shaking in a ball whist crushing the rock civilization beneath my hips. I realised that night how much of a cruel, beautiful world this was.

But it definitely wasn’t the only thing that I thought of that night. I could still remember the day that Connie approached me in Grade 11, grinning from ear to ear and shivering with pure excitement. He told me that he had lost his virginity to Sasha, and he was so happy. I was happy for him too, just seeing the reaction of someone who had hit a milestone in their life and not regretted it can fill you with joy. I don’t want to remember the way that I lost my virginity, I am certainly not proud of it. For Connie it was such a special moment, because Sasha and him actually cared about each… and also knew each-others last name… I can’t even remember the first name of the girl I lost mine to. All I remember is her face at school the next day, after I snuck away from her house and didn’t message her once. We haven’t spoken since.

Connie was positively glowing for the next month, and Sasha was happier than I had ever seen her before. It was a beautiful thing to see, and I just wished that I was the same. But I’m not. I think I can change that with Marco. No relationship that I have ever been in was as pure and emotional as the one that we had. I cared so much about him, and he cared about me. I could tell him that I loved him, and actually mean it. It was an odd sensation that I had never felt before, and I knew that it was his first time experiencing just being close to someone. I wanted to seal the deal, per se. We had both been hinting at each other that we were ready to take the next step in our relationship. All of our late night shenanigans always seem to be cut short. I don’t want that to happen anymore, and I can tell he feels the same.

At this point you’d think that I would have already made a move, being the person that I am. And you’re definitely right, I would have. I just don’t know how. I’ve never… sexed up a guy before. I know what guy on guy sex entails, but I have no idea how to engage the- oh my gosh. I just don’t know how I’m meant to get him to do the thing and how I put the thing in the thing and what if it hurts ah shit I don’t want that!

I knew what I needed to do, but I also knew that it would be awkward for both of us. I know three guys that have definitely done the do with another guy. I knew that I couldn’t approach Bertholdt or Reiner about the situation, they would think it was the funniest shit in the world. Only one person I knew would take it seriously, but not be awkward in the process of describing it to me and working out what I had to do. I just needed to get him alone.

\---

“Rise and shine fuckface!” Eren unzipped my sleeping bag and laughed evilly when he saw my exposed boxers and morning wood. “That is unfortunate! You get up too Freckle Face!” Marco sat up and stretched, letting out a moan. “Damn, what did you two sexual little boys get up to last night, huh?”

We hadn’t done anything, but my face still flushed up anyway. It’s not like Eren could have known that I had been fantasizing about what I was planning all night. Although the bump in my boxers begged to differ. Marco looked up and over at me, grinning. He threw his pillow at my crotch and started laughing. “Nice.”

I poked my tongue out at him and covered my shorts. Eren groaned, “Just hurry up and get dressed, Connie wants to take us to the barn. He’s gonna set us up with a horse!” Eren grinned and pointed at Marco. “He won’t be the only thing you’re riding today.”

Suddenly I was wide awake. Eren had stuffed up… so bad. “Eren, are you awake yet?”

“Well I’m walking and talking, so yes. Are you?” He seemed confused… oh the poor boy. He’d better have cash on him.

“Definitely. Awake enough to know that you just swore directly at me.”

It was as if his entire conscious shattered and died right there and then. His hands dropped and eyes widened. “Oh shit. Jean, please… I let you off at karaoke, please let me-“

I smiled. “Fine.”

“What?”

“I said fine. I wanted this to be over anyway, I hate not having the freedom of speech. I just knew that if I was the one to crack then you wouldn’t let me off, so I’ve been waiting for this.” Marco was looking over at me, his jaw dropped.

There was complete silence as Eren stared into the abyss with a dead look in his eyes. Marco stretched his leg out and nudged Eren with his toe. Suddenly he came back from the stars and joined us in the tent. “Jean… did you just grow up?”

“I’m going to cut you bitch.”

\---

“How… much… longer…?” Armin dragged his feet along the gravel as we trudged our way through the paddocks. It was a beautiful view and all, lovely day blah blah blah… but Mother of God it was a relentless trek to the barn. The valleys around us seemed to continue on forever… there was a mountain range in the distance but that was the only thing we could see that didn’t seem to be grass or some form of defecating mammal.

Eren included, now that the dare was off he was spewing shit everywhere.

“I swear it will only be another 5 minutes before we reach the barn. I promise.” Connie was at the lead of our ‘herd’, dragging us along with the help of his inspirational quotes that I swear were stolen from a twelve years old’s Instagram bio.

Sure enough, 5 minutes later we spotted a huge cabin, almost house in the distance. As we got closer and closer, the cabin turned into a house, and the house turned into a cow hotel… more commonly known as a barn.

“Okay, so that is a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be.” Armin moved up closer to Connie, and started asking questions about the history of the barn. Marco jogged up to me and started walking at my pace.

“That’s what you’re gonna say.”

I looked him right in the eye. “I’m going to leave forever. Right now.” Marco laughed, and started skipping along the grass. The rest of the group were travelling behind us, apart from Armin and Connie up front. Eren, Mikasa and Sasha took up the rear (wow, that’s what she said…), and I could hear her loudly talking about how awesome her estate was, and the area around it. From what I had overheard it did sound like a lot of fun, but it also sounded like a lot of exercise. I was hearing a lot about mountains and hiking lanes, as well as this ‘little’ walk being nothing compared to what we were going to be doing when we got to “The Braus House”.

We finally got to the entrance, and Connie jumped up on a hay bale and started his spiel. “I’m going to set everyone up with a horse, they’re not too hard to get used to… but almost all of you have ridden a horse before anyway.” I looked around me as everyone nodded. So I was the only one who was inexperienced. I’m blessed. “All I need you to do is go into the barn and pick a saddle! My dad should be down here in a little bit to check on the cows, so he can fit us all. Let’s get started!”

\---

I flew past Eren at a lightning pace, screaming out until my lungs were aching. Connie and Marco were sitting back laughing their asses off as I clutched the reins as if they were the only things keeping me alive. At this point I believed they were.

Eventually Sasha, apparently the only person in our whole group who had a heart, came to save me from my horse for the day… ironically named ‘Sloth’. I thanked Sasha as I got off the horse, and made my way back to Connie, Eren and Marco who were all still in tears.

Eren started hyperventilating when he saw how pissed off I was, and then Marco spoke up. You’d think that after being in a relationship with someone for a long time they would have the need to speak up and defending their helpless boyfriend after being made fun of by a horse. But oh no, Marco just had to say it.

“Does anyone else think it’s funny that the person who looks most like a horse can’t ride one to save their life?”

“Marco- I swear to God-“

“WHY THE LONG FACE JEAN?” Connie screamed, as Marco and Eren fell back into another laughing fit. I sighed, and with Sasha’s help mounted Sloth and made my way over to Mikasa and the rest. I needed to learn how to ride a horse quick-smart.

\---

Needless to say, riding a horse is not an art that can be mastered in the time-frame of a single day. Even as the sky starting getting pink with the setting sun, I was still clueless as to how to get Sloth to move and then stop moving. Mikasa and Sasha had given up a long time ago, but Annie was trying her hardest to make the whole learning process easier more me. Despite all her help, I still didn’t know what to do. We packed up the horses, and rode in the back of Mr. Springers ute back to our campsite.

I noticed that Armin had been quiet for most of the day, and when he retreated into his tent instead of joining the rest of us I knew that something was up. I looked at Marco, and gestured towards Armin’s tent. “I’ll be back soon.” Marco raised his eyebrow, and I got up from the log we were sharing and sat down at the door to the tent.

“Can I come in?” There was some shuffling inside, and then a ‘yes’. I parted the flaps and crawled in, instantly having my nose assaulted by the smell of day old Eren clothes. There was pyjamas and clothes spread everywhere, and open suitcases with overflowing contents littering the floor. Armin was lying down on his inflatable mattress, staring at the roof of the tent.

“Sorry about the mess.” He sat up and cleared a space on Eren’s bed, motioning for me to come and sit beside him. “You alright?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth.” I sat down and looked at Armin. “What’s up? You’re being super quiet, and you’re not even hanging with the group! We were about to roast marshmallows… aren’t they your favourite?”

“I would love to be out with you all right now, but I guess I just need some time to think. A lot has happened and I haven’t been able to concentrate on it all.” He lay back down, and pulled an extra pillow under his head.

“What are you talking about exactly?”

“Eren and Mikasa. They’ve both been my closest friends for over a decade, and now that they’re in a relationship I’m scared it’s going to change. The car ride here was so awkward, I was sitting in the back whilst Eren and Mikasa were holding hands and googly eyeing each other. I swear to god Eren was so close to crashing the car cause he was too busy staring at Mikasa.” Armin paused, and closed his eyes. “It sounds like I’m not happy for them, but you have to understand that I really am.” He looked back at me, worried. “I’m just not ready to lose my two best friends.”

I understood what he was talking about. Spending such a big part of my life being friends with Sasha and Connie had made me aware of how hard it is to have best friends in a relationship. Not only do you become the eternal third wheel, but you feel like you need to make up for lost space. You need to fill that hole in your life with a meaningless relationship. I did it constantly. You tear yourself down just to feel like a whole for a fleeting moment. Life’s not fair.

“I know what you’re talking about, I’ve been there before.” Armin nodded. “But I can give you a few hints as to how you can make this better. Don’t force yourself into their lives, but make sure you’re still there. Make sure they don’t forget you. And also… try expanding your horizons a bit. Hang out with more people so that even when Mikasa and Eren can’t be there for you, you have someone else who can.”

“Thank you Jean.” Armin was smiling now, and sitting up more on his mattress.

“It’s okay, I don’t like seeing you like this… if I can find a way to help then I will.”

Armin lay back down, and then looked over at me. “Hey… did you need any help with anything?”

I knew that now was my only chance… and I needed to take it. “Yeah, I need a buttload- fuck that is the last thing I needed to say right now…” Armin was looking at me confused now, one eyebrow cocked- ahhhh shit. Stop it Jean stop it. “I don’t know how to, uh… havegaysex.”

Armin’s face turned from confused to excited. “I don’t think I heard you, could you please speak up?”

It still came out as a shaky whisper. It felt weird admitting something like this to someone- even if it was Armin. The fact that I was having trouble telling him didn’t reflect how much I trusted him, it just reflected me as an overall human being. “I don’t know… how to… have g-gaysex.”

“You don’t know how to put your dick inside Marco in a way that will cause him immense pleasure and release of emotion in the form of an orgasm?” He raised his eyebrows with a smirk, and then winked at me.

“OH MY GOD. ARMIN!” I buried my face in my hands and groaned as Armin choked on laughter, bouncing up and down on his mattress. After a minutes break in which I fully contemplated charging Armin for my therapy, I glared at him with a burning face. “That is the single worst thing you have said in your entire life.”

“Bah! You should hear my bed talk Jean-y boy.” Armin howled with laughter as I groaned again. “Okay, let me teach you something that will actually be worthwhile once you get Marco in bed. You know how to do that right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Not hard.”

“But neither is he… at least not yet. You need to make his blood rush to where it counts.” Armin pointed at his crotch and giggled. What a child.

“Okay- I can do that too. But how do I know if he’s in the mood to actually- y’know…”

“Do the butt-stuff?”

“ARMIN!”

“Sorry, sorry. But seriously, just ask him. As long as you are both in the mood and there is consent, you’re good to go.” Armin sat up and reached into his suitcase, pulling out a little pencil case. “Welcome to my stash.” He chucked the case at me and it landed in my lap. It was reasonably light, though it was quite full. “You’re gonna need some of this stuff if you’re gonna embark on the trip to Anal Island.”

“I hate you so much right now.” My face was still burning red, and the constant reminder of exactly what I was doing right now did not make it any better. I picked up the pencil case and opened the zip, my eyes instantly assaulted with a range of crazy colours and weird scents. I knew what they were instantly.

“Armin… how the hell do you have so many of these?”

“Uhhh…” He scratched the back of his neck and smiled. “I go to the doctor a lot to get a ‘check-up’... I basically get special samples and things whenever I go. I’ve collected them over the years.” No shit he’d collected them… this was a gold mine.

“I already have some of this stuff already, but it’s just the normal stuff. Y’know… average condoms with no special scent or colour, and a bottle of lube.” 

Armin raised his eyebrow. “How the hell did you get a hold of all that without Marco realising?”

“I stole it from my dad when we were last there. Thank god I did too.” I looked down at the case below me, and studied the little packets. There was a range of different types here. “Do you mind if I take some of this stuff just to play around with anyway?”

Armin nodded. “Take what you need. I also have some more lube for if you run out.”

This guy had it all. I took about 10 condoms and stashed them in my pocket, each of them was a different colour or flavour, and some of them with special properties. I never thought that I would have to come to Armin, the person who I used to think was the most innocent little bean in the entire world, for condoms and sex advice. I still had to ask about that. “So… I’ve got him in bed, we’re both ready and there’s consent, and we also have all the stuff we need to do it safely. Now what do I do?”

“You find out which one of you is going to top and which one of you is going bottom. Once again you just have to ask him what his preference would be.” Armin took the little case off me and put it back deep into his suitcase. “It’s not hard to work out really, just see who’s the giver and who’s the taker.”

I didn’t want to think about this part to much, because the thought of being on either end was still weird to me. I was scared of hurting him, as well as being scared of hurting myself. It would come down to what Marco wanted in the end. “And after we’ve worked that part out?”

“Well from there you get the protection on and slowly ease in.” I raised my eyebrow at him, still confused as to what I had to do. “By ease in, I mean start out with one finger, then two, then use the pocket rocket.” Armin grinned, “Give it to him Jean.”

“AHHH!” I can’t believe I came to Armin for this. Why? I could have looked it up on google… I know… but I didn’t know what else I would find, and who would give me the information that I really needed. Knowing Armin had experience made me feel a lot better about my choice, but all of this was just so embarrassing. “Is that all I need to know? Can I go now?”

“Yes Jean.” He laughed, and we both stood up and exited the tent.

Everyone was out seated around the fire, each in their own separate little group. Reiner and Bertholdt were trying to cook sausages on the fire, and failing miserably. Armin moved straight to sit beside Eren and Mikasa, and I made my way towards Marco. My face was still burning red, just thinking about what I was planning was making me nervous.

Just as I was about to sit down beside Marco, he sat up and stretched. “I’m not hungry, I think I’ll go to bed. See you all in the morning.” He trudged toward our shared tent and then disappeared throught the entrance.

Everyone was looking at me now, but I was just as confused as them. “I didn’t say anything.” Reiner raised his eyebrow at me, as if not believing what I was saying. “I swear. Did something happen before?”

Eren spoke up then. “He looked kinda sick, he was rocking back and forth.” He then shrugged, and then turned to talk to Armin.

“I think you should leave him alone Jean.” Mikasa’s voice was monotone, and he eyes were sparkling bright orange from the reflection of the fire. She then turned and glared at me, then at Armin. What? Armin looked over at me, a worried look on his face.

I was missing something.

\---

It wasn’t long before Bertholdt and Reiner gave up on cooking the sausages, they just weren’t browning. Armin stood up to take the lead, Eren beside him to help. Taking one look at the sausages, Armin’s brow furrowed and his nose scrunched up.

“Reiner, Bertholdt- go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done. Connie, Sasha, Jean- start preparing the rolls and toasting them lightly with the fire. Mikasa… go and get the drinks. Eren and I have this covered.”

Armin grabbed a different pan from the small collection we’d gathered from my camping collection at home, and moved the raw sausages over. He set up a stand over the fire and put the pan there, in a couple of minutes the sausages were sizzling loudly. Armin was too proud of himself. Eren started turning the sausages over, and Armin moved over to help. Then he fell.

“AHHHHHHH!” Armin screamed and jumped away from the fire, landing in a heap on the dirt. His arm was red and tears were streaming down his face.

Eren waved his spatula in the air getting everyones attention. “Man down! Man down! Armin, are you okay?”

“I’m dyyyiiinnnggg…” He held his red arm to his chest, squeezing his own hand. “I’m being burnt alive…” His voice was a whinge, gradually fading out. Mikasa was already at his side, checking the wound. The drinks she brought over were lying all over the ground, now forgotten in the face of her ‘dying’ friend.

“Armin, you’re fine.” She sat back, shaking her head at her two friends. “Honestly, I left for five minutes…”

\---

We eventually got our sausages, and dinner was over quickly. I had other things I was worried about though. I peeked through the tent, and looked at the shape of Marco, asleep in his sleeping bag. Now was the time. I crawled over to my suitcase, opening the zip quietly so as not to wake up Marco. One by one, I hid the condoms in the the little pocket. Once I was down, I closed the pocket again, and then made my way over to my sleeping bag. I got dressed, and then tucked myself in.

“Goodnight Marco.” I knew he wasn’t going to reply, but I felt the need to say it anyway. He has never been like this before, and the silent treatment is not a path I thought he would take. It hurt, but he had to do what he had to do.

If I thought last night’s sleep was hard, then tonight’s sleep was going to be impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i'm back baby. hopefully properly this time. i wanna finish this lil bitch


End file.
